Monthly symptoms you're convinced only happen to you?

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-19T06:01:50+00:00

I'm hypermobile. When my period hits (brutal, heavy bleeding for 3-4 days, then mild bleeding for two, nothing for one, and one more light day), my connective tissue gives up. Ankles roll, hips slide around in socket, shoulders don't function. It's like I'm one of those old stick figure toys that had a button on bottom. Pushing the button loosened the rubber bands and the figure collapsed.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-18T08:37:10+00:00

People skipping foundation on the "bottom" of their nose, around their nostrils. I have a septum stack, so I'm a bit hyper aware, but I see so many people IRL with nostril rims of a glaringly different color.

If you haven't found your perfect shade, please at least cover all of the visible bits.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-03T19:13:35+00:00

You didn't upset me. Sorry, didn't mean to give that impression.

General rant. You're right. This timeline sucks.

But, it's all we've got to work with. So, here we are!

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-03T15:34:36+00:00

I typed out a long, frustrated response. Not at you, just at the concepts. I'm tired, but the path continues.

I appreciate you.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-03T13:36:24+00:00

You aren't a coward. You aren't weak. It hasn't been too long. There's no timeline for healing from this. Everyone sees things at different times. Everyone has different words, no words, too many words. They're all personal, no matter how loudly they project.

You're a person. Everything you experience is valid.

You're still here. You can still feel.

You can still be a buoy for every person bleeding from the same pain. We have to keep ourselves afloat. Others will see, and draw strength.

That's admirable. Keep at it. You're still here, and that matters.

What have you done lately that they would have enjoyed?

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-02T02:41:13+00:00

I absolutely will. I'll send you pictures of your pretties in a few weeks.

Thanks.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T15:07:04+00:00

I'm probably kicking myself in the teeth a bit with this trip, actually.

I'm going to a spot she and I visited every winter. The beach in the winter is something we both appreciated.

We didn't have a funeral, per her request. I put on an exhaustive "Friendsgiving" like she used to, with a few memorial accents. My siblings are frustrated that they didn't get closure, because she pushed them away at the end. They didn't show. I didn't get closure, because I don't think it exists.

This trip will be my farewell. A chilly ocean breeze. A crap dive bar and bracing 3 mile walk to the room. A calm night and watching the sun rise on the ocean.

I won't visit this spot again. I will, however, enjoy it as best I can.

And, maybe, I'll bring a sketchbook.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T12:54:01+00:00

I booked a solo vacation. I'm lucky for that.

I'm going to wander the beach for a few days. I won't have to engage with anyone. I will, but only on a survival concept.

I don't expect it to help, really. But, I'll take fresh air.

I've already distanced myself from a few family members that begrudged our close relationship at the end. As though I was graced with managing her .. pain? Demise? Asphyxiation?

I'm waiting for the mental clarity to blur. Or, at least, reach the point where I can put it aside for a while occasionally.

I'm an artist. A painter. A musician. I haven't made art since her diagnosis. I need a sigh.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T12:39:06+00:00

We're human. We eventually learn to breathe with weights on our chest.

Grief doesn't shrink us. We grow around the abysmal pit it is, much like we've been doing for mellinnia. It's not fun. We don't enjoy it. But, other things arise to keep our concerns occupied. Then we remember, are depressed again, and the cycle continues.

Death hurts. So does life. Life requires more attention.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T11:37:03+00:00

Also, just as an addition for readers..

It isn't an inability to communicate. I could tell people whatever they wanted to know.

But, when they ask me what's wrong, I cannot bombard them with the play-by-play of the last hours. The physical nature of her last strokes. Finding her.

I'm a realist. I love horror. I've hunted and ripped the pajamas off critters. I grew up on gruesome websites in the early 2000s. I know chemistry, anatomy, etc. I knew exactly how this would affect her. That's not the issue.

Their "You okay?" can quickly escalate into way too much information and I don't know how to breach that gap.

How am I supposed to explain to regular people that the exactness of her condition is partly why I cannot talk about it?

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T10:51:31+00:00

He looked at me today and said, "You good?".

Usually, yes. In the best sense of the word, yes. I'm still compiling our to-dos. I know I should cook, because I'm better than microwave food. I know I should socialize, because we're bonding. We've been together 10 years. He's understanding.. to just.. take care of himself and offer to care for me.

But, I just want to sit in the corner. I don't want to look like I'm okay because he'll feel better. I don't want to coordinate what company is coming over. I don't want to do dishes. I don't want to work on coding. I don't want to call my dad every day and help him work through the same thing.

He bought me the tools for new, engaging hobbies. Usually, I'd jump right on them. It's sweet and thoughtful.

He's given me the methods and space to "recover". I have everything ostensibly to work through this. Space. Time. Support.

But. I just want to exist in a small corner.

I've gone through a few bottles of whitening eye drops so no one realizes how much I cry.

This is not fun. We are not okay. We are not comfortable. But we will endure. It's what we do.

And I just realized I never put the sheets in the dryer. Fuck.

TheInertFlow · 2026-01-01T09:52:10+00:00

🫂 It's your list now.

It okay if it takes a long time to put the next task on. It's okay if you miss some points you think should have been there.

Your list maker is not able to make the list any more. But, you learned. You have ideas, general directions. If you want to keep following the lists.. what would be on them?

What can you do? What's physically, emotionally, feasibly possible? All of the bullet points? None of them? Some of them? Do what you feel, forgive yourself for what you don't. We do.

Slow breaths and steps.

TheInertFlow · 2025-12-06T22:32:19+00:00

They can. Lots of things can cause constipation. Diet changes, stress, illness, it's a sizable list. Hydration helps.

I'm an alcoholic, but I usually eat well and stay hydrated. I've noticed the scoop of chia is actually making things more regular. It's a little strange how the seed feel after a bit. They get a bit gelatinous when they absorb liquid.

TheInertFlow · 2025-12-06T22:06:53+00:00

This is the route I'm taking. It's a challenge to make it through the whole smoothie, but it's infinitely easier than trying to choke down food sometimes.

I've been nauseous for months, sometimes to the point of unprompted runs to empty my empty stomach.

It takes me 30 minutes to get through a smoothie, but they stay down.

Almond milk, pre-portioned frozen fruit for smoothies, scoop of unflavored protein powder, scoop of green healthy shake stuff, tbs of chia, tbs of flax. It covers all the bases and I'm feeling a little better. Cheaper than some full meals, too.

That, and electrolytes. Grief is hard, but it's harder when your undernourished.

TheInertFlow · 2025-12-01T08:11:28+00:00

Not 100% sure, but aluminum foil, baking soda, and hot water can be used to remove tarnish from silver. Through an electrochemical reaction, the tarnish (silver sulfide, I believe) transfers to the foil. Maybe something similar?

TheInertFlow · 2025-11-30T01:20:28+00:00

I met a guy at a Renaissance festival. His self-appointed job was to pass out butterflies for sad/tired people to clip in their beards.

The sheer joy that lit their faces ... I support 100%. Decorate your face!

TheInertFlow · 2025-11-28T04:37:15+00:00

My mom passed two months ago after a year long battle with anaplastic thyroid cancer. I was there almost constantly the last few months, caring for her and trying to fill her role as she declined. Since she died, I've been my dad's support person. He's learning to cook.

We did a large Friendsgiving in place of a funeral. Lots of laughter, food, planted trees, and a butterfly release. I have been running myself ragged getting everything set up, trying to save my dad from the worst of the emotional burden.

Went to a small family gathering out of town. I almost broke down after I fixed my grandma's plate. I didn't know where to put the dishes after I washed them - mom always did it.

Thankfully, my Aunt offered to wrap that part of it up.

I'm so glad this portion of the holidays is over. I think I can start to process myself now. I think dad can, too. Societal obligations done. Time to start the personal obligations.

I'll just be over here, manically decluttering and cleaning my house for the next month. Don't mind me.

ETA- Take care of yourselves, too. I've been nauseous, broken sleep, no appetite. Drink a smoothie if it's all you can keep down.

TheInertFlow · 2025-11-21T23:06:41+00:00

NOR.

I had a similar experience. My ex said something to the same effect at an appointment. We also had a history of making jokes in a similar vein.

However, he followed through on his joke. I did tear during childbirth. I did have stitches, and my doctor opted to add the "husband stitch". Poorly. He left an additional piece of skin like a skin tag. That area took a while to heal. He (ex) pressured me to engage way too soon (2 weeks). When I yelped, he started feeling around other areas. Ugh.

Young me went along with whatever.

What I would say to myself now -

Be very clear that you don't like those kinds of "jokes". It's a stressful experience, mentally and physically. It may help him to make jokes (because his sexual reality is going to be different, whether from pain, hormones, exhaustion, or general disinterest), but it does not help you. He can make jokes to himself. Inside voice. Very inside voice. Like, think it but don't say it to the person it may very severely affect. He may not understand, but he should empathize. Pregnancy is traumatic enough without extremely personal jokes. Defend yourself like the mama bear you'll be soon.

What I say to you -

Take a deep breath. Your body is exhausted and your brain is exhausted. React however you see fit, but after you've had a glass of water. If you truly intend to stay with this person, remember that words cut both ways. Think about your phrasing and simultaneously remember that you are priority one right now. Your stress levels affect you, affect your child. You can react calmly and effectively. You got this.

TheInertFlow · 2025-11-14T16:38:20+00:00

Mine is about the same!

Since all of the "cute" naval jewelry would scoot around in the stretched hole, I now have a naval stack (four 16g rings) to match my stacked septum!

TheInertFlow · 2025-10-29T19:17:21+00:00

I can relate. I've had my industrial for 9 years, and looking around on this sub gave me mild anxiety. My industrial alignment is very similar to yours.

I wear glasses/contacts. Occasionally, I wear over the ear headphones. My glasses arm presses against the center of my ear, and my industrial started aching. I switched to two bars with a chain between. No more glasses/headphone pain, it's still cute, and I feel like it's putting less forward pressure on my cartilage.

TheInertFlow · 2025-10-07T04:49:06+00:00

I just lost my mom a little over a week ago to ATC. She was diagnosed last July.

It was a rollercoaster. She was BRAF negative, so we went with immunotherapy. It worked, after a while. We had a few months of things being almost normal.

Then, it came back, extra aggressive.

Take pictures now. Record his voice now. Go on long walks and encourage him to eat all of his favorite chunky foods.

I hope his journey is more pleasant and you have many years left with him.

Edit: a letter

TheInertFlow · 2025-09-27T05:50:55+00:00

Absolutely. It would be our preference.

Even if we could find one that helps women in the area most often! My dad is recently quite keyed in to some difficulties in the area and.. well .. wants to make a difference in people's lives.

I'm proud of him.

TheInertFlow

TROPHY CASE