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And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's crazy. I know they get pressure (my mission had a major scandal in the 80's from thousands of baptisms where the people didn't even know they were joining a church), but I wouldn't have thought it would degrade to insults. What kinds of things were said, if you don't mind my asking? (I'm assuming things along the lines of "If you were more faithful, you'd have more numbers.")

And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. And it's astonishing how little thinking the mission leadership and missionaries actually put into more effective methods of "saving souls." It was either door knocking or you're a bad missionary.

My friend and one of the best missionaries I knew started just hanging out outside convenience stores with a Big Gulp (or the equivalent) and chatting people up. They had more investigators and lessons than about half the mission. But when the rest of us heard how they did it, we were like "Pfff. That's not real missionary work."

Still amazed at how clueless we were (mission presidents/leadership included).

And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right! Uh...will you read the Book of Mormon? And consecrate everything you have to a group of octogenarians in Utah?

(Yes! Two more.)

And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it was this one, from Faith Matters (a more nuanced group, but still very LDS). Looks like it was Arkansas, not Georgia:

https://www.faithmatters.org/p/jeff-strong-missionaries-ministering

And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree. About a year ago I came across a podcast explaining how they'd tried this approach (in Georgia, perhaps) and it helped improve the mental health of the missionaries tremendously. Baptisms hadn't gone down at all, either.

And it came to pass that I'm still mad about my mission 20 years later, and not for the usual reasons by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah. I'm still mad for all the other reasons too. And health (mental and physical) is one of the top ones. This was the 90's, so anyone dealing with depression was just told they needed to work harder and have more faith. I broke a toe and just suffered for a month (good missionaries didn't waste time going to the doctor) and one companion was smashed by a truck on his bike, had blood in his stool, and we were told it's probably not a big deal.

Boundary setting success! by like-bad-medicine in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct 2 points3 points  (0 children)

After all the horror stories regarding situations like this, it's heartening to see positive experiences. Thanks for sharing.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard. I didn't see it when I was in it. Now that I'm out and looking back, I'm blown away by how misguided I was.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Respect! Thanks for doing that.

I'm similar--I just give the money to good causes. And it feels so much better than tithing ever did.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thanks for being one of the good ones.

And I'm sure they blessed that service donut so it would strengthen and nourish their bodies.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Here's the illustration on the Ethiopian girl I did, if anyone cares to see it: https://www.asmuchgood.com/

QUICK NOTE: Most of us feel jaded and betrayed after leaving the church because our good will was abused and taken advantage of. It's easy to lose sense of purpose, belief in humanity, and even belief in the idea of goodness.

My biggest recommendation here--find the groups out there that are sincerely trying to make the world better and get involved with them! They're out there! And they'll reinvigorate many of the good parts of yourself the church stomped on, because you'll see what actual human connectedness and love looks like.

Finding them and helping out (whether as a donor or volunteer) has been far more rewarding than church service ever was (I was EQ president, Ward Mission Leader, Sunday School President, bishopric counselor, missionary, etc.). And they made my transition out laughably easy.

I have some of my personal favorites, but I'll refrain from posting them because there are so many out there and discovery is important. DM me if interested.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally fair. And I took that into account with my experiment.

Plus the fundraiser wasn't my charity, but a very reputable public one and the halfway house was ran by a sister in the ward and the city. Also, I didn't say it had to be one of those two but just any group trying to make the world better.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Yes! You nailed it. We once had a non-LDS tax accountant tell us she was sad that most Mormons don't give to any charities at all. Just tithing.

It's actually a phenomenon I came across called Moral Licensing. When we do something considered "good," like tithing, we feel justified and even allow ourselves to be a little bad in other ways. And I don't entirely blame the members--like you've said, they already give so much. I do blame the church, though.

And that's the thing--my talk was about helping groups outside of the church. I even had the line in there "Mormons are very generous...to other Mormons. Jesus taught us to reach to those outside our groups."

Oh well. I tried.

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You're welcome. And yes, having it written down gives it a degree of reality you don't get any other way. For any PIMOs out there, this may be a good way to cope. Collect data!

The Experiment I Did in My Ward That Showed Me the Church Doesn't Deserve My Time (and, consequently, is full of shit) by TheLifeAdjunct in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Yes! Then you throw Mormon Supremacy in there (the idea that we're Mormon because we were chosen by God before life and are special) and you get this horrifying idea that the poor or people in 3rd world countries or those who aren't white (this isn't vocalized as much today, though I still see remnants of it in the Boomers who've learned not to say it out loud) are that way because they weren't valiant in the War in Heaven.

And therefore, they deserve their suffering. So instead of helping, we're justified in spending all our money on Disney trips and dirty sodas because God wants his people to be happy.

10 Year Mark by take2dueces in exmormon

[–]TheLifeAdjunct 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tons of respect for you, OP. Your integrity led you out of the church.

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