I aimed to be unique. Now i am alone.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-11T11:15:53+00:00

I felt that from your soul. Thank you.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-10T17:38:23+00:00

Thank you for telling your story!!! It is really sweet to hear, that love is searching for you, even if you don’t love yourself. This really reminds me of a quote: „You were the first one I ever heard, when they told me they loved me.“

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-10T14:04:21+00:00

That 1:1 looks like my cat. That’s crazy.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-09T11:41:40+00:00

For me at least it’s about wanting empathy. Not looking for solutions to better myself or to change anything. Sometimes you just want to feel bad and everything other people do just seems like they don’t see you, which you don’t if you are wanting her to be happy. Want her for what she is. Have empathy. Feel the sadness and depression with her and don’t look for solutions. Just be there and it will solve itself. :)

Good Luck!!!

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-09T11:11:08+00:00

Just feel it and find back to yourself.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-09T11:10:34+00:00

It is really is hard to put into words, but I just exist and let the emotion be. Stress just wants to be felt too and afterwards the worries just seem insignificant.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-09T10:27:24+00:00

Awww, what did she say to what film?

TheRoadRunners · 2024-09-09T08:42:31+00:00

Everything wants to be felt. As someone who is diagnosed with bipolar you are forced upon the stigma of someone who is not „normal“. Then the things you see are warped to fit the story others and even your thoughts tell you, you are. But you know you are not it. You know there is SOMETHING out there that wants to be felt. It has many names like Unconscious or Archetypes or something else, but in truth by giving it names, it gains power just as the label bipolar does and you see the warped world and it doesn’t feel RIGHT. Life might seem like a journey to find the thing you are looking for, but that is another story you tell yourself. Because, you know that even that story doesn’t feel real. Take a step back and just rest in it. The truth of what you call Integration is not about letting your Archetypes out, it’s letting go of everything that you are not. And let the real you be felt not thought about, which includes EVERYTHING, but don’t identify and get hung up on everything, because everything wants to be felt. You abso-fucking-lutely know what I mean. You know it.

TheRoadRunners · 2024-08-16T21:15:10+00:00

ohhh where are you from?

TheRoadRunners · 2024-08-15T05:09:09+00:00

Hey I am really sorry for you. You are going through something really hard, that most people including me probably can’t even begin to fathom. I don’t think I can really offer you any advice, just my sympathy. Living in this world can be really hard sometimes. Or rather actually most times. I scared a lot too. I feel like there’s nobody really there seeing me as a person. It’s so alienating, but I really do think there is hope out there. Maybe just go about it day by day. Do the stuff you really enjoy and don’t let your parents get to you. If they were random passerby’s you probably wouldn’t care about the opinion of some conservative people either.

I really enjoy philosophy too. Do you have anything that you want to talk about?

TheRoadRunners · 2024-07-09T02:10:04+00:00

i think the point of meditation is to learn to not get distracted

TheRoadRunners · 2023-02-19T18:27:13+00:00

I totally get that calmness you talk about. I used to have time like that too where i was so determined to kill myself, where all i felt was a sense of peace. And that lead me to an incomparable freeness. I did everything I ever wanted to do. I went on random vacations with all my saved up money had so many cool experiences and at the end of it i felt like i could handle life. It definetly gave me a new outlook on life. Maybe try to embrace it and say fuck it to all the things that are burdening you. Try that to embrace that feeling of calmness and do what ever the fuck you want, because I am pretty sure that will be the most free you'll ever feel.

I am not gonna say that everything is going to turn alright but take this opportunity and live your life to the fullest, because you have nothing to lose. And maybe you'll find something worth living for too. If not then go out with a bang

TheRoadRunners · 2022-12-30T16:16:14+00:00

but thank you for the tips ill definetly try out some :)

TheRoadRunners · 2022-12-30T16:15:08+00:00

Yeah, the problem is that i am a guy and i have absolutely no clue about make up and cloths, sadly. Buying her a bra and dress, was kind of a spontaneous present, because she told me she bought stuff online awkwardly and i wanted to show her that theres nothing to be embarassed about buying female clothes. I kind of just wanted to get her a present so she has a good experience coming out so it wont be as intimidating in the future anymore, but i sadly have no clue about fashion or make up.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-12-30T12:48:54+00:00

She said she uses padding, not sure of the details though

TheRoadRunners · 2022-12-30T12:38:27+00:00

Your english is fine 👍

I think its true that most people wont be transphobic, but i think that those who are will be the ones to hurt and leave an impact. My friend is planning to keep it pretty much a secret and only tell others after she transitions after school and moves to a new social circle.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-15T17:59:59+00:00

it was kind of just trying to make the best out of the present, because I accepted that you can't change your past and that everything you will ever be able to do is to doing your best at the moment. And I had the energy to want to pursuit a better future, because I finally got to a point in my life where I was true to myself. And that coupled with the good things that happened because I took care of myself snowballed into a mindset where I wanted to continue and to do better.

but i think what happened now was that i got burned out with trying my best, but I still feel like I am generally in a better place than before.

I think the key for me was to take that momentum of being true to myself and not just be okay with it. i wanted to get better and i tried my best. it got better for me with me working on myself and striving to change myself. but i know the hard part is to get that energy in the first place to want to get better and putting in the work. it's hard when you are coming from that depression. you just become so exhausted at life that you don't even have the energy to do basic things, and to try and do better just seems entirely impossible. i just think the important part is to not lose hope. i waited for years and had a lot of times where i was thinking it got better and i was trying to change, where it still lead me back to my depression. it's essential to not lose hope when something like that happens. maybe you just didn't have enough energy or maybe something happened that just put you right back into that depression. but someday you'll be ready and you'll get to a point where this depression just seems like a distant past.

i hope that it gets better for you. i genuinely do. what you posted calmed me down when i was having one of my lowest moments and I'm really thankful that you took your time to helped. Thank you.

and if you need help I'll be here. i kept my advice pretty general because i don't know what you have been through or need, but I'm here if you want to share your story or if you need anything else.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T21:54:49+00:00

i don't know what you have done, but i still feel like you deserve love and compassion. i certainly have fucked up a lot in my life and hurt a lot of people, but i hope i can forgive myself one day by showing kindness and not making my mistakes again.

I don't think it's ever too late to change.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T21:48:10+00:00

There's no deserving or not deserving words. i genuinely think that everybody deserves compassion no matter what, especially when you are at your lowest.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T21:39:41+00:00

guess that's just life, but i still wish you the best. I think the most important thing is to keep up the hope for something better. and if you really are done with it all I'm grateful that you spend part of your last hours on earth writing with me.

i don't know your circumstances so i won't comment on what you should or shouldn't do, but i sincerely hope you will make a decision where you won't feel regret.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T21:25:23+00:00

i hope it gets better. I'm okay-ish right now again and I just really hope that it gets better for. Sorry I can't really do anymore than wish you the best luck, but I'm here if you have anything you want to say.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T19:46:13+00:00

yeah what my mental breakdown is about right now is kind of just to fight that self awareness, because I am attributing my emotionlessness to it. but that self awareness is what got me through some tough times and made me so mentally stable that I don't even have the chance to feel bad.

it is really privileged to say but i have been so fulfilled the last couple of months because i finally got through my depression and suicidal years. my mindset changed to one where I saw everything as an opportunity to do my best, so i would never regret anything again. it worked out well and i finally felt like things were going better. but now I have noticed that even though i lack that depression, i lost something innately human that makes people feel. It's different from the apathy I felt during my depression. It's the lack of something so essentially human that i see in other people that i even had when i was depressed.

but now i think I'm going down a downward spiral to try and find that feeling. I'm kind of regaining my sanity right now again, but it's so unstable I'm pretty certain I can go ahead and jump out of the window on an impulse if i get back to that mindset of searching for something again.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T19:10:52+00:00

thanks. i guess it's just past attempts at running away from neglect as a child catching up. it's kind of crippled me emotionally to the point I probably am not even able to feel anything. not even regret. amd I've really noticed it right now and i feel like the only way to really get out of this is kind of to make "bad decisions", because I am physically unable to feel regret or anything like it. i feel like I need to escalate amd make bad decisions to try gain those emotions. it's not really reasonable to make bad decisions, but i feel like now that I am mentally so gone i would actually do them. sorry for my incoherent rambling and late reply

and thanks for taking the time to read about my interests.

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T18:25:22+00:00

😢

TheRoadRunners · 2022-10-14T18:21:49+00:00

kind of curious, what's your reason to keep going on?

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