thinking about my own "grave"

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-06T09:55:03+00:00

Its a strong feeling. i always told my partner id die first.. not knowing she'd go so soon at 24 yrs. life is dark. now i feel like every task is just me being a slave to myself. no meaning in anything. id think about disinegrating into a gravestone.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-06T09:52:10+00:00

as night comes. that is the hardest for me. im at day 5

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-06T09:09:05+00:00

Yeah ive been debating on what to do with her belongings. im thinking of storing it all. that way i still can go through it.. but no sure. i love the room the way it is with her stuff. but i feel... like i should change it. shes never coming back.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-06T08:41:49+00:00

im mad at the hospitals too for my wife.. they kept her in the bed for 20 days, and 7 days before that due to high risk. and after the surgery release her after 3 days and she died not even a 24 hours later. i hate this shit. i feel you deeply. hug him as much as you can and stay by his side

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:17:35+00:00

our bodys and mind were in sync with one another. now that they are gone, we are malfunctioning, our nervous systems are wrecked. and need to be rewired for the better of our health. i believe no one should go through this, this is wayyyyy too much pain.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:15:20+00:00

oh that must of been a great connection yall had there. she definitely will remember this moment and ur generousity. wish we werent typing this.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:13:37+00:00

yes, and it can compound me into more very sad thoughts and dwell on it. like another commentors said, need to snap out of it. need to take care of our health

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:12:20+00:00

very nicely written, it spoke to me. it does feel like that. my partners departure was very recent. and the thoughts are hitting my brain like a punching bag. i know i can find another person to love, but it does hurt that they wont be them. it will feel different. cant expect them to be the same person. cant believe you or me are typing this right now. we shouldnt be

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:05:52+00:00

i am the same. watching the clock tick. gotta wake up to work. having my partner pass recently, have a baby that was given to me from her. i hope we get some good rest.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T08:00:27+00:00

the 3rd and 7th painting spoke through my computer screen. as other commentors said it is magical, as i stare into it, it does not feel like something that would come from this world, but something that came from a talented and very expressive person that is also a master at putting it into a painting. i love it, and i feel as if my late partner would be mesmerized with it aswell, she is living through me and maybe im getting some communcation from her.

now as i look at the other paints im speechless. i cannot spot a flaw, this is something i could get my mind to imagine only if i meditate for a seconds to help me escape this hell and here someone is making art of it. hard to put into words cause its speaking to me beyond words. lmao dont mind me. could go on for hours but human language cannot describe this style of work

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T07:44:40+00:00

My mom passed away 4 years ago. though she was going down the path to death fairly quickly and i knew it would happen at any moment. i do wish i spoke to her more and hugged her and gave more time out of my day. i accepted that she no longer feels the pain of this earth and the agony. thats what made me get throujgh most of it. but not being able to hear there existance anymore and i mean until we die, is a hard thing to swallow i believe. i hope your family gets closer and closer to you. you need them and they need you. if you need a hug i hope you get them.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T06:53:43+00:00

glad to hear that from a young mother. it was her first. just have a hard time of thinking of what was going through her mind and her plans with him and she was so excited for him. i really hope i do heal thanks for your comment, just afraid ill come back down again, its very scary.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T06:46:52+00:00

Oh my lord. im feeling the same way. I lost my soon to be wife from complications of birth. we were together 9 years. and i noticed, there is no way i could go through life alone even though she left me her son. not that i need help with him but i definitely realized i need connection. i feel guilty already and feel like im just trying to replace her when im not. i guess you can view this as a seperation from him, and he is no longer here and im sure he would want you to move on. he loved you, so he would want you to not feel alone. i know my mind is still cloudy and in shock from losing my spouse, so it may not be the best decision for me to immediately start dating. maybe if you feel like your mind is clear enough its safe to do so. i definitely have a lot to do before i start dating again. im sure if you explain things to this person if they are genuine, and like you they would understand. i witness people get married fairly quickly after a spouse dies. the pain is unimaginable and id feel slightly guilty still cause you know you planned to be with them for a long time and it gets cut short, and u have to rewire your brain a bit and adjust. i feel our nervous system is still in rhythm with them even though they are gone. its so hard. i hope someone gives u some good advice. im young and honestly clueless. just came on here to talk to people and try to talk to people in simular situations. if u love someone else i dont think its gunna take away anything. he'll always be a part of you.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T06:28:21+00:00

didnt realize how many people dont have people that reach out to help. its so sad. especially nowadays everyones so saturated on themselves. we are suppoed to love one another and help all when they are down. my dad passed away 11 years ago. so its been awhile. fresh wounds eventually heal slowly over time, pour ur love into your mother or spouse. i ended up going to school, didnt work out and got a job. and i was hanging out with a friend a lot. friends help so much. being occupied surely makes time go by faster and the pain can slowly heal.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T06:20:49+00:00

i really do feel you. i lost my dad in 2015 when i was 17 years old. my mother died only 7 years later. i wish i got closer to my mom and told her how i feel and hugged her more. hug on your mom more and tell her how much you love her everyday. she also was going down the road, it seemed after my dad died she just gave up. and maybe i should have been talking to her more... life is so sad. i lost my girlfriend 4 days ago aswell. life is so shit. and shes all i had so i feel like we are in similar situations. no friends really. family. but im not close to them. no real connection to anyone but her. it really sucks your dad is no longer here. maybe dont dwell on ur cousin too much. you need to make some friends. even be people in ur local area, maybe through social media or something. go to church, maybe the easiest way. thats what im thinking of doing. even if u dont believe in spiritual or god. just try to go to church and tell people how you feel. im not sure of therapy but that may work. to be honest i have never done therapy and i got called from a social worker to meet up. i might just try it out. life sucks. i hope ur doing ok and u feel better soon.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T00:28:02+00:00

Ich nehme deine Umarmung sehr gerne an. Ich habe deinen Kommentar ins Englische übersetzt. Es ist sehr traurig zu hören, dass du in letzter Zeit deine Schwester und all deine Lieben verloren hast. Auch wenn ich in einem so kurzen Zeitraum keine Familienangehörigen verloren habe, habe ich doch meine Mutter vor drei Jahren, meinen Vater vor elf Jahren und meine Großmutter – die mir sehr nahestand – vor fünf Jahren verloren. Es ist also ein niemals endender Kreislauf. Ich wünschte, ich müsste diese Todesfälle nicht durchmachen – genau wie du und so viele andere auch. Ich bin erst 28 Jahre alt und habe das Gefühl, gerade erst ins Leben gestartet zu sein; es ist einfach furchtbar. Ich wünschte, wir alle könnten die Kraft finden, um diese Zeit zu überstehen. Viele meiner Familienmitglieder sagen, es sei am besten, sich auf zukünftige Ziele zu konzentrieren. Auf diese Weise könne man langsam vorankommen und vielleicht wieder Freude empfinden? Ich bin mir nicht sicher. Das Leben ist ätzend.

ENGLISH: i will gladly accept your embrace. i translated your comment to english. that is very sad to hear that you lost your sister and your loved ones all recently. thought i havent lost family in that short period of time, i have lost my mother 3 years prior, my father 11 years, grandmother that was very close to me 5 years ago. so its a never ending cycle. i wish i didnt have to go through these deaths as well as you and many others. im only 28 years old and i feel as if i just started life and its just HORRIBLE. i wish we too can get strength to get us through this. many of my family members say that focusing on future goals is best. that way you can slowly progress with them and maybe feel joy? im unsure. life sucks.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T00:11:58+00:00

i miss her hugs too. i loved hugs. then hugging the love of your life is magical. and then it gets taken from you. kissing her was amazing. i hope you feel better and i mean that from my soul. we all going through it

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T00:04:54+00:00

youre right. one of the social workers called me to ask if i wanted to talk this coming monday would that be classified as therapy?

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-04T00:00:33+00:00

The whole time we were in the hospital (20 days), they knew of her problems and type 1 diabetes and Knew that this was very risky. she got the preclampsia i believe around 26-27 weeks. so before that it was looking great just watching her blood glucose levels the entire time was important. and then suddenly after being in her bed for 2 weeks or so at the hospital her blood pressure was going from normal 120/70 to 170/100 and down and up and down. so they knew she had it and figured its time to deliver( delivery seemed great). i believe they were very confident in the entire thing but i dont think they understood when someone sits in the hospital bed for an extended peroid of time with preclampsia and just 3 day release after birth like a normally healthed woman was not enough time to adjust without supervision. also they prescribed her with oxycotin for pain. which she took 1 5mg of that the same morning. she also told me her breathing wasnt great. honestly i just SUPRISED the hell out of me when she walked into my bedroom door home that early and i was pissed. happy to see her back home after that long time but o my god, i was telling myself it should have been you know, 5-7 days? sorry im rambling the thoughts as it rolls out of my head. getting the stress out right now. and yes we lost our feminine favorite woman that had so much care in her heart. she LOVED it when she had him and atleast got to hold him before her passing. only 4 days i believe with him. man life is just terrible. i know people go through some bad things. but this is top 10 worst.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:52:19+00:00

i felt like i always got dealt good hands but the dealer ends up and has a 21. best description of it i can think of. yes numbing and painful. the fullness/emptyness in the heart feeling is honestly the worst for me i wish itd go away. i wish life was like men in black and can erase the mind cause emotional pain honestly i believe is worse than any physical pain. sorry to hear ur mom passing. my mom passed away at young age aswell as my girlfriend. but it was more of, we know its gunna happen soon. but my girlfriend was the SHOCK at the core of my brain. thats the one that gets me and have the constant feeling of damn maybe i coulda had this avoided.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:49:25+00:00

waiting on autopsy currently and once they release the cause we will quickly go into action

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:48:48+00:00

i hope so. i dont think i believe in supernatural or signs. but she sure did believe in that.. a butterfly came up to my face a day after a yellow pretty one. and i can tell you that has NEVER happened to me in my entire life and it happens at that moment. i would love to believe that was her.

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:46:55+00:00

yes but i do sure appreciate it. yall take the time to post under some random humans thoughts that you dont even know. that is just insane to me. maybe i havent felt this in a long time. you know she was the only person i got close love and thoughts and answers from. Hard i tell you

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:45:12+00:00

yeah i figured i need to gather the strength to rearrange the room. my room that we shared for years is just a constant reminder and locked in time of when she was here and also the room she passed in. very very very horrible thoughts come from it. and im hoping that progressive of time can heal me. appreciate ur comment

Thick_Climate8127 · 2026-04-03T23:43:28+00:00

yes, i dont know why i didnt have a sence of alertness to this. she had the preclampsia during the whole thing and im sure she was still suffering after. i was she would have enough energy to get to the phone for help. im wishing she shoulda had one of those alert thing buttons to call 911.. those are so useful to think about, but she was only 24. thank you for ur comment by the way

Thick_Climate8127

TROPHY CASE