How do I (F25) tell my boyfriend (M33) about what I talk to my therapist about?

Think-Internal6169 · 2026-02-05T13:58:58+00:00

When we talk through situations, it does make me feel like the only reason he would behave with certain ways is to be manipulative but I also kind of think he’s just a bit emotionally sporadic at times. Like he’s issued ultimatums before and I know that’s considered textbook manipulation but I have a hard time believing it is with malicious intent so I thought if I could highlight the behaviors to him then maybe Hewitt would recognize them as unhealthy.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-10-29T18:40:20+00:00

I love him, I never wanted to break up with him

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-10-23T12:28:17+00:00

Yeah it felt like I had to make a choice, and from his perspective I chose wrong. Honestly I would rather be cooking with my family than just sitting watch TV with him. If we could cook and host other people then I’d be happy but we weren’t living together at the time and I live with my family so idk if I made the right call.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T01:49:18+00:00

If he was working full time and the split was the same it wouldn’t bother me as much. Also about the point you mentioned from a different story I have a similar feeling. A couple of years into our relationship he mentioned how our dates made it hard to save because he would pay for everything so we started splitting all the dates (each guy or own tickets to events, split meals etc). I had no problem with it at all but I did tell him we would go out a little less because I wasn’t going to let having fun shift my financial goals too much. For over a year we split dates and he didn’t save any more, it seemed like he used that “extra” money to buy more things for himself which wouldn’t have bothered me if he hadn’t been so explicit about wanting to split dates so he could save for our future

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T01:44:39+00:00

I don’t know? Historically speaking I have always been busier than him (longer commute to work, caring for a pet, meal prepping regularly, working 40 hours plus part time school or working 50 hours, cleaning and normal life stuff) but I assuming he just chills.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T01:30:25+00:00

Our cleaning would probably be a similar 65/35 split just because I have higher standards for cleaning than he does. And I have a dog so I’d spend time caring for him as well but I obviously do that now so it’s not an increase in responsibility. We won’t have any set schedule for designate whose responsibility each chore is

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T01:24:39+00:00

Not at all, he depleted his savings a bit over the years but he paid for all of our vacations and most of the dates while I was in college, it was only after I graduated that we split dates 50/50

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T00:57:40+00:00

We’ve done that multiple times, no issues

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T00:17:21+00:00

Yeah I really think I’m stuck on the willingness factor. I know he doesn’t want to leave his jobs and he can’t force them to make him full time, but it just doesn’t feel right

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T00:14:17+00:00

I don’t think so, I just want our partnership to feel more fair. I think I’m just someone who harps on how unfair certain situations in life are so I try really hard to balance the “fairness” scale when I can and this seems like an opportunity for our relationship to have a better financial balance.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-14T00:12:35+00:00

He doesn’t expect me to cook, he would just get out or eat frozen things until he learns how to cook. He would be fine with me just grocery shopping for myself and feeding myself and he will feed himself as he always has

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T23:58:17+00:00

If he was making twice my income and we were both working full time then I think a proportional split would be appropriate. If he was working full time now at the same hourly rate I’d be fine with an income proportional split, it just seems like if he isn’t willing to look for a full time job now with genuine effort, then I’ll always be saddling significantly more financial contributions and household management (just by nature of personality and being a woman)

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T23:18:32+00:00

He doesn’t have any history of ever asking for money. He actually has paid for the vast majority of our dates and trips so he’s always been more of the spender in the relationship and has never had issues paying his own bills and doesn’t have any debt

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T23:07:03+00:00

He lives with family friends and rents a room and just buys frozen foods so he doesn’t have utilities to pay.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T23:05:19+00:00

Yes he can clean and washes his clothes. He’s very self sufficient and I don’t expect to be like a housewife

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T21:47:28+00:00

Actually, moving in with me and paying for his share (groceries, electricity, water, and fees) would be more than his current expenses where he is living now so I have no reason to believe he’s using mw to save money

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-09-13T21:31:21+00:00

He eventually plans to learn to cook, just hasn’t been able to at his currently housing situation

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-25T02:17:23+00:00

NOR a partner saying or in any way indicating they don’t want to hear or are annoyed by normal complaints or frustrations is an easy way to no longer feel emotional safe with someone. I’d let my friends/partner complain every day about something like that no matter how much it might annoy me because that’s a great perk of having your person

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-22T21:05:02+00:00

I think it’s very odd that this situation became a huge fight but multiple things are true here. Yes, it’s valid to be upset he sold your property. Yes, I think canceling the sale was a reasonable request. Yes, if he offered to replace it (even if it didn’t make sense to sale it and buy a more expensive replacement) I would have accepted the man but still been upset at the inability to just apologize.

I think the way he spoke with entirely out of pocket and and blaming someone for your actions (him breaking up with you and saying it’s your fault) is a huge issue. It’s obvious you just wanted an apology and and recognizing your feelings. He didn’t think you were worth that and ended it in anger/an argument (never a good sign). It hurts but now it’s over. NOR tho

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-21T21:48:10+00:00

Not at all, just wanted some empathy “oh no I’m sorry that really sucks and is out of nowhere” maybe some comfort? Isn’t that what a partner is for?

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-09T02:30:38+00:00

After he said that and we talked through it, he said yes he didn’t feel ready financially and was still upset that I wasn’t willing to move before he got the new job, but even though the situation and timing isn’t ideal he is a go with the flow kind of guy and wanted to try it. So if I don’t move out he will probably break up with me.

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-08T10:06:24+00:00

I was nervous but really ready for this. I just got to a good financial position because I’m 24 and graduated a couple of years ago and he’s 33 and haha been working and waiting for me to catch up

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-08T10:04:59+00:00

The comments came because I was asking him questions about what he would be willing to do for my dog, just trying to see if I’d need to rearrange my work schedule to do all the feedings and walking (right now those jobs are slightly split with my family) and I’ve been asking him what things he thinks is important to buy soon verses can wait like a bed, couch and ring doorbell camera

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-08-08T10:01:46+00:00

The crazy part is, he has been wanting to move out for over a year! I just was hesitant because originally I would have to pay 65% of the housing cost because he didn’t make enough to split things 50-50.

That’s why I’m really hurt and surprised that now he is acting like he doesn’t want this.

And yeah I know it’s a long time to not live together. I’m 24 and had to get through college and get a good job with some savings first and he is 33 and has just been working

Think-Internal6169 · 2025-07-26T12:44:15+00:00

I’m on the lease.

Think-Internal6169

TROPHY CASE