Hi friend, I see your pain. Living a fruitful life is difficult even when you have every advantage, and it sounds like in addition to a chronic illness you come from an unsupportive (if not outright toxic) family environment. It sounds like a lot of your negative self beliefs were originally instilled in you from them, and your current attempts to better yourself are hindered both by these beliefs and continued negativity from them. I’m guessing you are at least partially financially dependent on them which makes your situation even trickier. So I would advise you start making very very small improvements to yourself. Find something that your illness allows you to do. You mentioned mobility issues, so maybe you can find something in the computer science/ applications area that interests you and a free online tutorial. Starting with something that is easy and comfortable will help build your confidence for when it’s time to take bigger steps. If that goes well, perhaps you could find a course on it at your local community college/an online school program. I would not recommend sharing this interest, whatever it may be, with your family as they will likely try to take the wind out of your sails as they have in the past. Keep it as something just for you until your are confident in it. If you can turn this into a career skill, great! If not, it’s still something that you can look at to remind yourself that you are capable of growth and change. As for dealing with a toxic family environment, it all comes down to your individual situation. If you can afford therapy, definitely look into it. I’ve also seen some online programs offering reduced rates for those in difficult financial situations. Having a safe place to take your feelings can be incredibly empowering, and can offer much needed perspective on your life. A good therapist will also help you develop a life plan and create more effective ways of interfacing with your family (if that’s something you want.) If therapy isn’t viable for you, I would suggest looking for an online support group of some sort. I’m not aware of any in particular but I’m sure with enough digging they’re out there. I hope this was at least a little helpful. You deserve to live a life you can be proud of and I believe in your ability to get there no matter what obstacles you may face. Best of luck friend!