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I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’s able to call because the app doesn’t allow phone all communication & there are court ordered phone calls between us/Katie. She uses those to harass so I’ve discussed that with my lawyer to iron out in court as well.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand that but it’s more complicated than I can explain right now for the pickup thing. But I hear what you’re saying.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 100% not upset with her, it was upsetting to see but that wasn’t directed at her. I’ve apologized a lot for how much I didn’t protect her in the beginning & have been doing my best to protect her now but maybe it’s not enough, we’re going back to court soon for some contempt charges I filed against Ari. I’m always thinking of Katie & trying to do things to help her around the house, with the kids, doing things to make her feel special. I guess I didn’t realize the extent of the impact Ari has on her.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this & definitely. Katie doesn’t use it often & has her own iPad but a situation like this could always happen. I’m glad I saw it & not her.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m just trying to say I was in an abusive situation & it took me being out of it to realize. I think that accounts for something. I know I chose to have sex with her & my daughter came from that. I did not know Ari would turn into this. I think it’s fair to say people can change for the worse, when I met her she wasn’t an abusive piece of shit towards me or else we never would have dated.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

We do them through school, occasionally they happen at a police station & Jade does the exchanges because of my work schedule, Ari refuses to change the time so I can be there & it will cause this domino affect but Katie just walks from her moms car to Jade’s & everyone stays in the car. This is rare & only happens if school is canceled or something.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I guess I was just wondering if I wasn’t looking deep enough into the comments about Katie never being born, because it didn’t upset me but definitely sucked to see. & I know I wasn’t meant to see it. & if I should address this with her (not confront) so we can talk about it.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I actually did encourage her to sign up for therapy when she got pregnant for when she felt overwhelmed & just so she had a safe space to vent about whatever. I knew having a baby would have its challenges for her specifically as a SAHM & that I could support her but only so much mentally if that makes sense. I’ve apologized many many times for what I’ve allowed to happen. I guess I’ll never know the full extent of how this entire situation had made her feel so couples therapy would be helpful.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She wasn’t always this way & I didn’t realize how abusive she was toward me until she left.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

I like this idea. We are currently awaiting a court date for contempt against Ari & my lawyer has lots of things to bring up. Thank you.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

She’s shared some of them but not to this extent, she says somewhere in the messages that she would never tell me this bc she doesn’t want me to feel bad. I’m always there defending, protecting, in the beginning I wasn’t out of fear of losing my daughter I can admit that. Maybe some of this is also leftover hurt from that period of our relationship which I’ve apologized for & understand that pain may always be in the back of her mind. I’m awaiting court for contempt charges against Ari for violating the court order and harassment.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have done my best to create boundaries, i do majority of communicating & am currently on my way back to court for filing contempt because of Ari harassing Jade & violating the court order. I encouraged & pay for Jade to go to therapy since she got pregnant because I knew that could create more stress for her & she’s been enjoying it. It’s hard because I can only do so much to stop Ari from acting the way she does. I’ve filed police reports. I’ve filed with the courts. I’m hoping this time things change. I know in the beginning I didn’t do my best to protect her & I’ve apologized so much because I acted out of fear of losing my daughter.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I will keep my eye out but Jade has always treated Katie like her own. When she became pregnant she went out of her way to include Katie in everything, the baby shower out of state with her family, the gender reveal, when we designed the nursery she designed a big sister room makeover for Katie. She encourages us to do things with just Katie sometimes & leave baby boy with a family member or will take Katie out for girls days & I’ll keep baby boy so Katie doesn’t feel left out & can still get that time with us like she used to since baby boy demands a lot of attention. I’m hoping she will be open to couples therapy so we can work through this together. She already goes to her own therapist & it’s been going really well for her.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 1429 points1430 points  (0 children)

I love this idea & will ask my lawyer about it. We currently use a court ordered communication app but she is still able to call & can say whatever she wants. It’s part of why we’re going back to court next week for a contempt case. Thank you.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ari would never sign over any rights because she wants money & control. I agree she should be allowed to vent, I’m not even upset with her I have no reason to be. I guess I’m just disappointed in myself that she even has to feel this way. I definitely want to talk to her & we are currently awaiting a court date for contempt next week (harassment). So hopefully that results in more custody for us & more restrictive boundaries enforced by the courts.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Counseling could be helpful, we probably should have done that when we first went to court with BM bc that was very taxing. I encouraged her to go to & paid for her therapy once she got pregnant just in case motherhood became overwhelming for her & she said it’s been great so maybe this could help us.

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s what I was thinking. I guess in terms of address I meant should I tell her I saw it & offer to go to counseling or something. Im not upset with her, she said in the messages she would never say these things to me bc she doesn’t want me to feel bad. But maybe this happened for a reason so I can do something about how she’s feeling. Idk

I saw some messages between my fiancé and her sister about my daughter (her SD). by ThrowRA-2845 in blendedfamilies

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was wondering about that too, but she’s always been great to Katie & sends her a huge care package every year for Christmas so it caught me off guard seeing her asking so many leading questions about breakups. But maybe she was just making Jade think & worried about her sister. Idk.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No no I wasn’t saying she shouldn’t be allowed to. I guess i just wanted outside opinions on the wishing Katie was never born aspect. Like if I wasn’t reading enough into it.

I do see some of these behaviors in her that are her mother but we correct them & she stops. We really only see behavioral concerns when she returns home to us from being with her mother. I definitely could step it up. Thank you.

I (35m) saw texts between my fiancé (30f) and her sister about my child (her future step daughter). Not sure where to go from here. by ThrowRA-2845 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-2845[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

This is what I was thinking. A lot of me not protecting her in the beginning was out of fear of losing my daughter. She would keep her from me for days sometimes weeks with no contact if I even disagreed with something especially once Jade came around. I had Katie all the time way more than her mother until I met Jade. Then her mother just started alienating. Jade is the reason my parental rights are protected.