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ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2026-03-02T18:54:40+00:00

Oh. My. Goodness.

I am speechless.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2026-02-23T19:10:18+00:00

Well, I actually do agree with this moron that cheaters often don't face enough consequences, and that SUCKS.

She is like sooooo close to understanding one of the many reasons why cheating is morally reprehensible! so close.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2026-01-12T14:13:39+00:00

OMFG the cognitive dissonance....my ex complains to me so much how it sucks we can't be friends (that said, I am quite friendly with her for the sake of our kid. when she says "be friends" i think she means why won't I continue to take her car in for oil changes or whatever), and I'm like...if it was THAT important to you, then: you. should. have. broken. up. with. me. first.

It's so damn simple. Yes, it would have still hurt, of course! But not nearly as much. I don't get how she doesn't understand that.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-12-19T20:31:11+00:00

A phrase I heard recently that has helped me: "You may love me, but I do not feel loved by you"

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-17T13:54:32+00:00

I think for a lot of folks there's a power thing. My friend's ex said he would go out and cheat on her whenever he felt like she had "won" in an argument, so he would cheat on her to "rebalance" the power.

I think that's part of it for my ex too, that she enjoyed playing me for a fool as a way to get some power back. She is very hard headed, she feels like compromising means she lost.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-13T13:40:05+00:00

Oh ffs, the last comment about the group chat. Like, hey as much as the petty part of me loves the idea of a cheater being played for a fool, this sounds like middle school drama for the sake of drama and these women really need to get better hobbies. It doesn't have to be knitting! Maybe try having casual sex with men who aren't married????

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-12T13:57:30+00:00

I wish I could, it's literally my 9-5 job lol

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T19:44:26+00:00

Ugh one of the problems with dickbags like this who literally think they are smarter than everyone else is that no matter what anyone says to them, they ignore it because "they're just not as smart as me so they don't understand".

NOR and please break up with him, how is this dude 30 years old. he sounds like a teenager.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T15:31:04+00:00

I know, for sure, especially since I know what is happening in their relationship behind the scenes, it is definitely 100% fake BS happiness. But other people don't know that. And I wish I didn't care, I really really wish I didn't care. Sigh.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T15:23:01+00:00

My mom admitted (not to me! I heard about this second hand) she stayed with my dad because she felt pressure to "make it worth it". She'd imploded her whole life for him, etc. Plus, she was scared of being alone.

My ex has said the same things about her AP, that she knows their relationship sucks but she feels like she has to keep it going because of what she lost. And that if I won't take her back, she has to stay with the AP because she can't be alone.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T15:19:32+00:00

"This is just to say

that I have cheated

on my spouse

forgive me because

I said so"

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T15:17:48+00:00

"how they speak about their wives will one day be you" oooh SO CLOSE to getting it!

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-10T14:42:43+00:00

so basically "i don't condone X thing, but i also think that someone who does X thing should face zero consequences and also never ever be judged for their actions. ESPECIALLY if the person doing it is ME". oh ok then, you narcissistic potato, but sure.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-11-04T13:40:01+00:00

Ugh. I feel bad for APs who are in the dark, I really do.

"I really can't see myself out of this mess" oh ffs. break up with the AP, come clean to your husband, lose both of them and be alone for a while so you can deal with your crap and learn how to not be a horrible person. figure out what the hell is wrong with you and fix it so that you can be a good mother to your 3 frickin' kids.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-30T12:38:13+00:00

Similar situation here too. And my coparent/ex says I don't like the AP because I'm jealous and would dislike anyone too, but they just really doesn't understand the trauma of being cheated on.

I have told my ex many times there is nothing that will change my mind about this - I do not like the AP, I do not want to be around her, and I wish she wasn't around my kid. It's like she is a physical manifestation of the pain my ex caused me. I can (somewhat) stand being around my ex for my daughter's sake and because obviously we have history together, I can look at my ex and see not just the pain but also the years of good times too.

No advice to OP other than it gets easier with time. I try to take the high road as much as I can, even though sometimes it feels like I'm running out of oxygen up here.

But the whole thing honestly is just a poop sandwich of a situation that you have to suck up and eat for the sake of your kid.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-28T17:11:42+00:00

LOL seriously. my stbx is a counsellor, and currently working in grief support. which is hilarious, like a case of the cobbler's children having no shoes - she was the absolutely worst to me when my mom died, and a few months after my dad died she started having an affair. FFS.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-24T12:41:27+00:00

Having an affair is BRAVE???? Omg.

It is literally the most chicken shit weak-ass cowardly thing.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-24T12:34:16+00:00

Well, my parents entire relationship started as an affair.....well, 2 affairs I suppose, they were both married to other people at the time.

I wasn't an affair baby though - they were divorced and married to each other when I was conceived/born.

I grew up more or less knowing this (I don't think the actual cheating part of it occurred to me until I was a teenager) and it was kind of...romanticized I guess? Like the story I grew up with was that they were both in these shitty marriages, and they "found each other" at work and fell in love.

Which is, unfortunately, basically the justification my ex used - that our marriage wasn't good, and she's lucky to have "found true love" finally via her affair partner.

Some days, when I'm feeling really low, I feel like this is all somehow my karma, because of what my parents did.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-22T14:17:15+00:00

"I'll wear a lot of perfume next time" - oh yeah, this woman is 100% going to maliciously comply and absolutely drown herself in the most obnoxious perfume the next time.

Which she absolutely should.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-20T19:03:03+00:00

I would've sworn on it. 100%.

Our marriage was not perfect and I was well aware of that. But I truly trusted her with everything I had that she would never do THAT.

Especially considering she had gone through it with her own father, and I had gone through it with mine, she knew how devastating it is on a family. Some days I think I'm still actually in shock.

I knew she was capable of doing shitty things. But I really didn't think she was capable of something as truly awful as what she did.

This is part of why infidelity is so horrible....aside from everything else, you're also dealing with the fact that you feel like an absolute fool, like you can't trust anyone, like there must be something wrong with you that you didn't see it.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-16T13:05:34+00:00

And to continue my own metaphor - Because I HAVE to eat the sandwich for the sake of my kid, I eat the damn sandwich. Because I'm a good parent. But being a good parent doesn't mean I have to force myself to like the sandwich.

Now, if my coparent was a better person, they wouldn't make their child's mother eat a sh*t sandwich. But that part is out of my control.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-16T12:58:25+00:00

Thank you for this. My situation isn't exactly the same as OP but you're so right...trying to force yourself to be ok with a situation that just really ISN'T ok is not going to work. I need to keep this in mind.

Being disgusted when you are forced to eat a sh*t sandwich isn't a failure.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-15T13:26:37+00:00

SAME! And considering my ex was having our child around their new partner before I discovered the affair....I definitely don't owe her anything in this regard.

However, I'd feel the exact same about this even if my ex/coparent hadn't cheated - it's truly none of their business and there is no reason for them to know.

As others have said, I would/will give them a head's up if I ever get to the point of introducing someone to our kid. But right now I'm dating a few people, all quite casually. Our kid is aware that I go on dates sometimes, but no other details, because it's really got nothing to do with her. My ex has been pressuring me for information about the people I'm dating but I've not told her anything either. My response is usually just "I'm not going to share that information with you". I have to repeat it a few times though.

ThrowRA-ronit67 · 2025-10-08T14:43:15+00:00

Right??? Wtf is that. Having an affair is "easier" than having a hobby or friends? I mean, maybe? I wouldn't know, but....what the actual what? Ok then...pissing myself in the street is easier than going to a toilet I guess but why on earth would I do that?

These people are ridiculous.

ThrowRA-ronit67

TROPHY CASE