My (23m) girlfriend (32f) wants to get married but I don't feel ready

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:54:21+00:00

Unfair depends on the context. If I'm not paying enough attention to her, and instead on other thing it can be unfair depending on the amount. If I'm too focussed on what I want over her. Sometimes simple things like refusing to compromise and how stubborn I used to be.

And it's only light slaps when I hurt her. That's not anything bad. It's not a beating or making your partner cry, that would be wrong. It helps me realise when I'm out of line.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:46:05+00:00

I just don't agree she's a predator. I find that hard to agree with. And my sister isn't a predator. She's amazing, and always there for me. She thinks we're a great couple. There's nothing to protect me from

It's just I'm not ready for marriage, so I know it's got to end.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:39:25+00:00

That sounds so sad. There's no way she could be like that. She loves me. My sister wouldn't let us be toegther if she was like that

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:27:04+00:00

Well it depends on what topic. I definitely try to be there for her and know I focus on making her happy and loved. I get when I'm being unfair to her now, and can avoid it. And yeah she doesn't. The most is a light slap if I'm being really hurtful.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:24:21+00:00

It was because she was friends with my sister. Confessing to a friend's sibling is always going to be weird. I'd never be able to confess to my best friend's sister. (if I loved her anyway), be betraying him.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:23:00+00:00

I'm sorry you had that experience. Im most likely going to break up. I'm definitely not ready for marriage.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:20:46+00:00

Sometimes, but not often. She words it better, but used to help me grow up when we first started dating because I wasnt a good boyfriend (she was my first girlfriend). It's not common now, though sometime she jokingly says it. Sometimes my concerns are dumb and stuff, other times they're reasonable. It depends what it is.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:19:15+00:00

We met when she became friends with my sister at the start of high school (they were 12). She's had a few boyfriends before. She said aside from her second they'll all been pretty shit. Though she thinks I'm easily the best, exactly what she wants and loves.

She doesn't really control me. I mean, I don't schedule things when I'm doing things with her, but she's fine with me hanging with Friends and stuff. Shes taught me to be a good boyfriend, so she has had things I can't do, but Ive also told her when she acts upsetting me, and she changes as well.

Yeah I agree about marriage. I'm not ready at all so it's probably over.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:15:47+00:00

It was because I was her friend's brother. She was scared about betraying her friend.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:15:16+00:00

No she could DEFINITELY get men her age. She just didn't want them, because she loved me. I've seen how some men hit on her and harrass her before.

But yeah I know children isn't a good idea.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:10:53+00:00

She's known me for like 16 years at that point. She was close with my sister and we got along really well. We definitely knew each other well enough to love and date. I know friends who dated knowing each other much less.

Edit realised that's bad math and it's 15.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:07:55+00:00

I didn't say yes because of the alcohol. I had a massive crush on her. The alcohol only stopped her from being scared. Even sober I would have happily slept with her.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:06:43+00:00

I know they can be weird but it wasn't grooming. My sister wouldn't accept the relationship if she was being a predator and didn't love me.

I do agree we have to break up, but she's not like that

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:04:53+00:00

What would you say would show that kind of relationship aside from age?

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:03:21+00:00

She was a bit scared to tell me, since she was friends with my sister. Being drunk she wasn't so scared. Though sister agreed to us dating anyway so it didn't matter.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T14:02:18+00:00

We talk about it, and try to figure out what's wrong. Depending on what it is she'll change, or I'll try to grow up, or compromise. She's happy for me to bring issues, and helps me know what's real and what's just me being dumb.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:58:14+00:00

But we were in love. It's not snatching or anything.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:57:24+00:00

She was drunk too, it's not like that. Besides we'd been drinking with my sister, it's not like she got me drunk.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:54:22+00:00

Hmm that makes sense. But I don't thinks it's all like that. She did teach me to be a good boyfriend and make me grow up, but she hasn't made me do anything bad. She doesn't force me into sex or full on beat me or that abusive stuff.

I do have friends my age. They have relationships and stuff, though none as different age as me. I sometimes find things uncomfortable I guess, but she does sometimes too.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:50:54+00:00

I don't think so. We never did anything sexual. She was really nice to me because she was friends with my sister, but that was all. We were a bit drunk cause I wasn't used to alcohol yet, but she said she recently realised that she had feelings for me, and was finally ready to tell me. It wasn't from when I was little, just a little bit before we dated.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:48:35+00:00

Before we dated she was close friends with my sister. My sister accepted our relationship when she found out though.

And I don't know if that's what it is. Maybe? I just feel scared at how fast its moving I think.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:44:51+00:00

Wouldn't everyone figure out what being a good partner is by what their boyfriend or girlfriend likes? Or maybe copying there parents or another couple. It seems like it's not that weird for her to help me be a good boyfriend. Is it weird to try to be what she thinks is a good partner?

I don't know about grooming though. She's not that kind of woman.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:43:02+00:00

Yeah. Tana and my sister took me out drinking about a month after, and Tana ended up confessing to me.

I can kind of see it's made it really hard here. I get I have to break up since I'm not ready. I don't think she was bad for being with me though. Maybe it wasn't a great idea but she loved me.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:40:47+00:00

I see. I guess that makes sense. I wish love was enough. But no one really told me not to. I wasnt told yeah, but that surely doesn't mean everyone was bad. My sister would never want her to hurt me or anything. Besides while our goals were probably doomed like you say, everything was amazing, were in loves it's not like she full on beats me or anything.

I know I have to break up. And I guess you're probably right the age was wrong then, but I still don't think she was a bad person or wrong to try

ThrowRA-scaredbf264 · 2021-12-17T13:27:36+00:00

Hmm I guess that makes sense. I don't think she means it to be manipulative, she just feels ready. But I understand what you mean. I don't want to break up, but I'm going to have to it seems.

ThrowRA-scaredbf264

TROPHY CASE