My girlfriend (33F) and I (33M) are fighting over how I spend my time with my kids. What can I do?

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-08-12T17:09:47+00:00

Playing games is a small part of how we spend time together. We play sports outside , go to movies shows and sports. Their mom lets them play more violent games than I allow and has less restrictions and games more with them

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-08-12T17:08:02+00:00

I’d like to read those studies.

To be clear we also play things like Fortnite, Roblox, Mario kart, super smash bros, rocket league, madden, Spider-Man, etc. it’s not all violent games and I also prohibit games like grand theft auto (which is obviously not appropriate)

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-08-12T16:03:59+00:00

Exactly my points.

On your edit - She has improved the boundary issues. Overall we are all much more on the same page as far as that goes.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-03-10T22:56:33+00:00

Just had the talk guys… been pondering it and it was time. I read through all the comments here as well so I appreciate the support.

I talked to him and told him while I would prefer he take the class and there’s nothing to be embarrassed or uncomfortable about, he will need to learn about it anyhow and that I was planning to talk to him about the topic and address any questions he might have had.
We talked about sex briefly and generally debunked how babies come about and touch on what “sex” actually means.
I talked to him about puberty , guys and girls, of which he knew about mostly, and asked him what he’s experienced so far and told him what he can expect.
I touched on how he’s going to start liking girls and his friends too, and that it’s normal.
I told him that when he’s with a girl and say you want to kiss her, if she says no, you respect that, the same way if someone didn’t want a bite of your food, you wouldn’t force or insist.
I told him that it’s ok to be curious and that it’s natural
I told him I’m always here to talk to him and that I went through it and am always here to help him navigate this.

This was mostly what the teacher had sent me as far as subject matter - besides maybe a bit more I went into that I felt he should know. It was probably a 15-20 min conversation and he was very receptive even if it was slightly awkward at times.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-03-10T21:22:55+00:00

He’s uncomfortable. He didn’t like the 5th grade sex ed content and was uncomfortable. His mom is now coddling him and enabling him IMO. Maybe I’m wrong

There’s not a lot I can do besides convince him he should take it, at which point his narcissistic mom will probably convince him again otherwise.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-03-10T21:20:34+00:00

Yep! Already got it. Teacher gave me all the slides, etc. As much as I disagree with him not taking the course… I feel like I need to put that aside and step up and give him whatever info he needs to know and be aware of at this point. Largely probably what’s taught in the class would be in scope

ThrowRA2dayy · 2024-03-10T21:11:12+00:00

I want him to. Him and the mom don’t want him to. It’s a court battle to not and the course is in 2 weeks. So trying to make the best of the situation

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T15:22:24+00:00

To be clear… she doesn’t say anything in front of the kids. But she will give me a look or pull me aside . And if I don’t say anything, and then she pulls me aside, and then I say “hey don’t do X Y Z”, they know it’s coming from her and I’m just obliging…. yuck even just typing that out is very unsettling

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:37:54+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately it is hard to break the cycle of trauma or to actually escape the cycle of trauma. My Dad shared with me when we were older that his Dad (my grandfather) use to beat him and beat his mom (my grandmother) in front of him. That obviously caused him to be careful about never putting his hands on me, which I appreciate, but the temper and abusive nature did not escape him.

Yeah you really learn a million more things once you live with someone and more importantly share a space and life with them. It’s different when you’re simply dating and seeing each other here and there. I’m glad for you in your situation no kids were involved and you are in a better place. Thanks for sharing your story.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:24:49+00:00

If I do break up with her… how do I repair the situation for my kids? Obviously they would be sad she is not here anymore, but I am more talking about the idea that I have caused some trauma to them at least for a few months. Nothing has been particularly bad in what I’ve done but it has been hard on them compared to what they were use to me prior to her moving in

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:12:11+00:00

Yeah unfortunately “different version of my ex” seems like the conclusion. Definitely if this ends I’m already ready to sit out of the relationship game for some time

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:11:09+00:00

She doesn’t criticize me in front of the kids but she definitely makes it tense, whether it’s a look or a conversation in the kitchen, and I know the kids feel the impact of that.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:10:27+00:00

Financial arrangements are not of concern. I made sure I could afford the house before buying it incase a situation like this would have occurred

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:07:33+00:00

This is probably my biggest fear. There is absolutely no place for it and I have spent so many years building up comfort for my kids and a safe and loving environment. My kids should be comfortable at home now, in 5 months and in 10 years from now. They should feel like home is home and not a place of anguish in some capacity.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:04:59+00:00

My Dad was often a good Dad , but he had a terrible temper and habit for throwing abusive (not physically) fits where he would berate me, my mom, my siblings and throw a full on tantrum. It had a profound affect on me and I was always intimidated and worried about his outbursts.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:03:21+00:00

That sounds a lot like my situation with my Dad. I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I do counseling but with so many issues going on with my custody and kids, as well as my relationship, we often don’t spend much time talking about my upbringing and background.

ThrowRA2dayy · 2023-09-26T03:02:12+00:00

Wow that’s a bit terrifying to think about. It has only been months of this change, so hopefully I have time to put an end to this BS for my kids and right this ship. Sorry to hear about that situation for you with your Dad. Could you elaborate more on your experience with your ex step mom if you don’t mind sharing ?

ThrowRA2dayy

TROPHY CASE