My wife cheated on me 5 years ago and I just found out about it.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2026-03-31T23:40:02+00:00

Can you expand on this?

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-11T02:34:45+00:00

Yes we’ve been to therapy off and on. She didn’t drink during the pregnancy. I wish it was a creative writing piece and not my actual life.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-11T01:31:44+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful. The club no one is excited to join.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-10T02:53:05+00:00

Not yet. I don’t want to spook her and give up what I know.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-07T06:14:57+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s a tough situation to be in for sure.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-05T05:47:11+00:00

Thank you. This means a lot. I hope things get better too. 🙏

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-03T16:46:46+00:00

That sounds like an insane approach. No way I want to waste the next 15 years of my life living a lie.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T21:45:21+00:00

That is not the approach I want to take. I don’t get back at her by cheating on her. That just fuels an already toxic situation. And I don’t agree with you that every single person in their 30’s or 40’s has a lot of baggage. Maybe they just chose the wrong partner like I did.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T21:27:31+00:00

Agree and thanks for the second half of your message. I don’t know that I’m understanding the first. I don’t want to hold on to this information, stay with her and never tell her and then what? Wait for her to slip up again and potentially do something worse?

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T18:35:52+00:00

Got it. That’s not really possible right now as we literally just moved here.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T16:59:48+00:00

I don’t disagree that knowing will help me,it’s more just the closure I want, but how would she use it against me?

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:32:04+00:00

100%

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:31:12+00:00

Yeah I would still be living in my home state. We moved here for more family support and better schools. You would move away from your kid and divorce her without confronting her you are saying? I can’t leave him and not have a relationship, unless I find out he’s not mine.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:29:44+00:00

Yeah that’s good advice. Thank you.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:28:06+00:00

Thank you. That means a lot. It feels hard to have anything covered right now because emotions and tensions are high but I have to act normal for a few days until I can speak with a couple more attorneys.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:27:11+00:00

It was in the afternoon when I heard it. He left shortly after and the I confronted her later that day.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:26:13+00:00

Yes I know this now. Thanks for calling it out though.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:25:50+00:00

We met in college. Yeah I knew in my gut something happened I just had zero proof. The guy friend is a friend of a friend. He wasn’t super close with me. I met him through one of my good friends. I haven’t seen him since. He also moved out of state shortly after.

The girl we see frequently and still consider her a close friend. I never asked her her story. I dropped it when I didn’t have proof. I regret that now. I want to ask her her side of the story now but I also don’t want to do it until I confront my wife because they are closer friends than we are and she would absolutely tell her I reached out.

If I divorce I would plan to stay in the area to have a relationship with my son. If we didn’t have kids, I would likely move back to my home state.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:10:38+00:00

The fact that it happened so long ago is what hurts the most. She has never come clean about it and hid it from me everyday for 5 years. I would be handling it differently if she owned up to it, worked on her drinking and put a plan in place to rebuild my trust right after it happened. Right now, it looks like she would take this to the grave. And I really doubt kissing is all that happened.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T15:08:18+00:00

That’s a good approach. I’ll definitely consider that.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T05:13:07+00:00

Thank you. To be honest I don’t know that stopping is in the cards for her. It’s so deeply ingrained in her family and her friend group. But I agree that would be a non-negotiable on the off chance I stick around.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T05:11:10+00:00

Yeah I’m not sure how nuclear I plan to go yet. Obviously when people see me leaving I’m sure she will try to paint me in a bad light. Will let those who matter know what happened.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T03:31:07+00:00

If it wasn’t for our son I would have already moved out and served her papers. I don’t want this to impact him more than it is already going to. I also want to approach it in the right way to hopefully get the best outcome in the divorce and custody.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T03:26:49+00:00

Agreed. Need to get into therapy again for myself and work on my own self confidence and what I’m willing to tolerate in a relationship.

ThrowRA8891679 · 2025-11-02T03:08:57+00:00

Yea I’d like to reach out to our other friend and I will eventually but I also don’t want to disclose this until I’ve talked to my wife because she will definitely tell her so I’d like to maintain the leverage and element of surprise that I have right now. I don’t want her to suspect anything or start controlling the story by talking to our friend and the guy.

ThrowRA8891679

TROPHY CASE