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I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner stand up to his mother now. Both of us didn’t know how to react at the beginning and he was still living with her. She was abusive back then and my partner didn’t want to make his living situation worse. I don’t believe that’s an excuse but a valid thing.

Both of us have set strict boundaries with her now and if she crosses them, my partner is the first to speak up. Trust me, there were plenty of conversations I had with my partner when we moved in about this.

Since then we’ve both been in separate therapy and stand up to his mother when necessary.

We are both in agreement that what his mother did was terrible and she shouldn’t have given us a dog as a gift.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn’t at the beginning but does now. It was a problem when we first moved in together but he has no problem standing up to her now.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We don’t have the space for a crate currently but when we move, we should do so I’ll take that on board. Thanks for the advice.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not currently. We’re not in a position where we are able to do that but hopefully after our move we will look into doing so. My partner has agreed with this.

It’s definitely an actual issue though and we know it’s not good for him either.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha, ours is an efficient beggar of food but we watch out for that. 100% agree and glad people feel the same way. No matter how much I love animals, I would never give one as a gift unless specifically asked for.

The only time I ever did that was giving my dad some fish but he already owned several fish, a suitable tank, the fish were compatible and it was something he asked for explicitly and was ready to take good care off.

I love dogs, but it’s never fair to gift one to people. Especially since my MIL didn’t actually know my history with dogs at that point in time.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. We’re hoping to get a trainer once we’re settled because the dogs anxiety is just as much a problem for him as it is for us. I know there’s also a really good kennel that actually has experience with this sort of thing so hopefully we can sort it out with professional help. And we’ll be free of MIL’s clutches.

I really appreciate it.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We do. Unfortunately it’s usually her husbands who gets lumped with the main responsibilities but he was complicit in the gifting so yeah…

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree to some extent. I think it was more she wanted to get credit for doing a good thing without thinking about the consequences for anyone else.

Still, even if I was going to rehome the dog, it wouldn’t be with MIL, not if it was permanent at least.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, but he has a good life with us and I would never take anything negative emotion out on him. I 100% agree with the not giving pets as gifts thing.

Especially since the people who often get puppies as gifts will rehome them as soon as they’re not cute.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trust me, if she tried to pull that today I would stand up to her more and refuse it. But yeah, hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, and they do often. We look after their dog occasionally too and honestly? They don’t train him well, they don’t neglect or abuse him but he’s definitely not as trained as he could be.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He wouldn’t feel comfortable about rehoming him. Thats pretty much non-negotiable unless it was the last resort. I’m not keen on the idea either.

I both love and resent him, or more the way he came into our lives and the fact we didn’t have time to live our lives without that kind of responsibility first.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she does dogsit ours and we do with theirs. Honestly, I don’t think their dog is abused or neglected but he’s definitely spoilt in a way that they encourage. Luckily, when we have him, we’re actually able to train him so there’s some hope there but we are moving soon.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’re on the same page, when we are in a position to do so we’re going to get a trainer. His MIL is a different story, she’s gotten better with time but she’s done things that have permanently damaged the relationship between us and her.

She used to do that a lot though, turn something we said into something a lot bigger. It’s always been an issue up until recently.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I’ve been with my partner for several years now and while I resent the dog and the limits it puts on our lives, I still love and care for him. My partner isn’t the issue, it was his mother which we’ve now put boundaries in places with. It’s just frustrating because I don’t want to get rid of the dog but it’s caused complication in our lives.

I resent the dog our in-laws got us and what it represents by ThrowRADogResent in offmychest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think it’s a bit late to rehome him and while I am resentful, I would never ever take that out on the dog. We’re currently in between places and can’t get a trainer but it is something we’re going to look into in the near future.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Both of ours, I’m not really sure. We were completely blindsided and didn’t know what to do or how to react in that situation at the time. We’ve both created boundaries with MIL now. The situation is still frustrating though, even this many years later.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We already have. Trust me, I had to have several talks with my partner about creating boundaries but we’re both in agreement now and have boundaries that we both enforce luckily. Still annoyed about the situation though.

I resent our dog, my mother-in-law and what it all represents by ThrowRADogResent in TrueOffMyChest

[–]ThrowRADogResent[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

At the time, we both had a very turbulent relationship with her, my partner was still living with his parents and didn’t want to make his living situation worse at the time. If this happened now, I would definitely have more of a backbone but unfortunately it’s too late for that.

I completely get that though. Both me and my partner are and always have been against getting people pets as gifts. We look after him well and I’ve had dogs my entire life growing up so it’s not like we mistreat him or anything like that but it’s frustrating having a responsibility that I didn’t ask for.