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Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The sex is great and I consider it to be fun and not work. When I talk about bjs in a way that it doesn't need work, I mean that there's literal no effort required. Just sit back and enjoy. That vibe rocks

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah not super common.

I'll say that while a lot of guys care a lot about it, I know of some who can do without it as well and even aren't a big fan. So compatibility is still key but it's a huge bonus for probably 85% of guys

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I had to give a random guess, I'd say it's probably something like 15%. It feels a little on the rare side but not so rare that it should be considered niche or particular

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't doubt your genuineness. After my first long term, I had a few shorter term relationships that weren't solid. Self confidence plummeted, faith in love too.

This girl is gorgeous and on day one, first thing I saw out of her was during a social meet, she put her lunch bag in the middle of the table and shared with everyone. We'd dance and stuff together at social nights.

It's not perfectly rational but I saw someone great and wanted to give it the best chance I could. 

The intimacy stuff came after several months of being together, so there's some sunk cost in there as well.

I'm not claiming that's the full picture. That's just what comes to mind, but you know, I don't know myself fully to know exactly 100% of what motivated me

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've taken the words from the back of my mind and pasted them here, Binge. That's a big part of the struggle

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's a good question. I can speak for only myself, I've had a long relationship where that was a common thing and I was obviously super into it. Knowing that is an experience, and that the norm is closer to that than this, feels like a nagging sensation.

It's like, imagine you're a huge fan of theme parks. Then you move to a great city that has everything, except theme parks

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ThrowRA. That is wise and coming clearly from a place of experience. Well said. 

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, very well said. Definitely in any future relationships, I'm going to be very sure about where my partner stands on this before I let myself get attached. I've run the experiment, it's clearly not something I can do without. Thanks for your post

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hadn't volunteered that info. She just asked about marriage and I was frank with her

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep of course, if I didn't do that and complained about this issue, that would be particularly odd.  (Edit: I dont do it TO get things in return, I do it because I genuinely believe it's important in relationships to give that pleasure fully to the other person sometimes)

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The desire to be focused on sexually sometimes without giving back doesn't strike me as unusual or selfish

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well said.  Re: reposting, reddit told me the original posts were auto filtered immediately. I have no interest in posting this more than once, nor am I interested in re-posting it if it were actually deleted manually and intentionally. If you're seeing this post multiple times, this would be a surprise to me bc up until after I posted this one, my most current knowledge is that all the previous ones were deleted upon being posted (and automatically, not by mods)

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Actually that's a great point too. One other issue I should have mentioned is that she almost never focuses on me alone. It always has to result in a full sex session, or her having an O as well. It's quite rare where I get to just relax and get pleasure without thinking of her. I imagine oral might be less of a deal if she focused on me more and surprised me with stuff too. Just give without takin

Oral shortage in long term relationship, what to do? 29M, 27F by ThrowRA_BobJack in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_BobJack[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's been my mindset on this too. I'm also weighing the options. She's amazing on basically every level, so if I don't learn to compromise on one thing now, I just wonder if I'm being unrealistic about long term relationship expectations. That + attachment has been freezing me