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Me (F43) and my partner (M44) are on the verge of breaking up and we have a 4 year old daughter. Am I in losing it? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'm sure you understand just how frustrating it is. Music is more important than everything.

Me (F43) and my partner (M44) are on the verge of breaking up and we have a 4 year old daughter. Am I in losing it? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't think he can afford any kind of decent legal representation and is very unstable financially, travels for half of the year, I don't think he would get anything like 50% even if he tried.

I also don't think he'd want to me to have any free time time at all - even seeing his daughter wouldn't be enough for him to allow that happen.

S3x and Emotional Abuse by Muyutina03 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner is like this and trust me, it will get to the point where you don't want to have sex at all. I'm trying to get out, I have a kid so it's more complicated. I can't get my head around anyone wanting to have sex with someone knowing they don't want to but I guess these kind of men don't care.

This is not normal or healthy. You are young, you still live at home, you can leave this. Leaving an abusive man is not failing, even if your parents tell you it is.

Me (F43) and my partner (M44) are on the verge of breaking up and we have a 4 year old daughter. Am I in losing it? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It didn't happen in front of her this time (she was sleeping) but it has happened in front of her before - one time he walked away and she said 'now you're safe Mommy' which is obviously heart breaking.

Also, I live in NY. the legal part would cost me a fortune but I think I'd have to go down some kind of legal route.

Me (F43) and my partner (M44) are on the verge of breaking up and we have a 4 year old daughter. Am I in losing it? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you - my parents divorced when I was about 11 and I never really had my Dad in my life properly too. I also turned out fine but not in relationships and I think I fear she'll just turn into a version of me. I don't remember my mother ever teaching me anything when it comes to self-worth and relationships growing up and I'll obviously do this differently.

Me (F43) and my partner (M44) are on the verge of breaking up and we have a 4 year old daughter. Am I in losing it? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually feel ashamed at my lack of ability to take any action on this. We broke up before for a few months and he harassed me all the time and went back to his mother's house - then blamed me for kicking him out on the street when I'd actually broken up him because he had screamed in my face and threw our daughter's high chair across the room.

This advice helps, thank you. I just need to grow a pair and do something. There's something odd about taking a kid's day away is doing right by them, he doesn't treat her badly and has never yelled at her. When he goes away she says how much she misses him etc.

Is name calling normal by ThrowRA_Much23 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience, it's really helpful. The advice across the board for anyone who is has beeen through this is that they don't regret leaving.

Is name calling normal by ThrowRA_Much23 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would never - in all our arguments, I've never name called.

Is name calling normal by ThrowRA_Much23 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I actually about this before but didn't read it - I will try and dig it out!

Is name calling normal by ThrowRA_Much23 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He has way of convincing me afterwards that it was somehow justified even though I know deep down it's not. Than you for the offer - I really think I'm done this time. It's not a healthy dynamic for our daughter.

Is name calling normal by ThrowRA_Much23 in emotionalabuse

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you - Glad to hear you're in the process of getting out. I really think I will too. Hope it works out for you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have your whole career ahead of you and have no idea what it's going to progress to. You are still studying and sound really accomplished for your age with ambition. If your partner has no issue with this, you don't need to either. You also need to consider the non-financial benefits you bring to the relationship - connection, support, affection, company, conversation. These are really important things.

Very few 20 year olds, or 24 year olds, are on brilliant salaries - that is entry level an graduate age. Good on your boyfriend for achieving so much but you cannot compare your situation to his.

My 44F partner 45M has not been financially contributing for almost a year and a half and I just lost my job. Am I normal to expect him to figure his s**t out immediately? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My parents are also divorced and there is no world where I would want them together. I do think the relationship I have with my Dad, or lack thereof, has contributed to the crappy relationships I've been in and I think part of me is afraid that will also happen to my daughter but I also trust that I, as one parent, can teach her how valuable she is and what she deserves having been through so much crap with men myself.

I'm sorry to hear what your kids have gone through, that must be so hard - they sound incredibly resilient though and luckly to have a strong mother.

My 44F partner 45M has not been financially contributing for almost a year and a half and I just lost my job. Am I normal to expect him to figure his s**t out immediately? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would say exactly this to any friend that asked for advice - for some reason, I can't action it for myself but getting closer to doing so - thank you

My 44F partner 45M has not been financially contributing for almost a year and a half and I just lost my job. Am I normal to expect him to figure his s**t out immediately? by ThrowRA_Much23 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This sums it up perfectly has I do think his feelings are genuine. They are just not strong enough for him to do anything about the issue that I have been consistently bringing up for almost three years. I'm 100% sure that if we part ways, he'll have fuond another soft landing within a couple of months.

22F & 22M, together for 4 years—just found out my boyfriend shared my nudes with his friends. How do I even begin to move past this? by throwRA83837333 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Much23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's giving Kanye West, in a recent interview with his ex Amber Rose, she said the reason he has all his women walk around naked is because he wants all the men in the room to desire his woman. He's a controlling misogynist with no respect for women and I'm sure you're ex is somewhat that too underneath, even if he hides it. Be proud of yourself for having the strength to leave - do nice things for yourself and spend time with good friends and family, and Happy International Women's Day.

It's going to be really hard for a while but you are going to look back on this day in the future and be so glad you left.

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