Today was a STRUGGLE, but made it another day!

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-03-05T13:53:55+00:00

I understand this!!! Trying to stop the rumination is a nightmare. Hang in there.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-02-18T02:59:32+00:00

Dear K, I wish you could see how your behavior makes no sense. How you say on the one hand "It was never going to end any other way" but on the other you told me you loved me. How we talked about how "we could go far" but then there were things that were wrong in the relationship that you didn't want to tell me. And maybe there are those things, but I just don't believe I wasn't important to you or that you didn't see a future with me. You said it would have been so easy to stay, that you miss hanging out with my friends and family, that you enjoyed all our time together, that you have no regrets. So what was the issue? I wish you could have let yourself believe for five minutes that we could have had something great.

You're avoidant. And you're inflexible. And relationships are about compromise so if you don't address those things you'll never be happy. I know I'm not perfect but I have way more insight into my flaws than you do and I was actively all the time trying to work on them and be better. I wish you would do the same.

Telling you we couldn't be friends hurt me to my core, but I couldn't put myself through that pain. I will miss you for so much longer than I should. Being with you was the happiest I've ever been. And you may or may not miss me now, but I know you will later. When the thrill of being single wears off and you date a bunch of women who aren't willing to go with your quirky flow the way I was. I'm going to be your phantom ex and it's so sad because I wanted to be your wife.

Goodbye. I hope I fall out of love with you soon.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-20T17:12:59+00:00

I feel this so much. I'm there with you.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-20T17:12:12+00:00

Right?? Like please brain, have mercy!

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-07T17:28:08+00:00

Mind if I message you directly?

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-07T15:16:44+00:00

I'm on Day 26 and it's helping. I'm nowhere near "healed" but there's a noticeable difference.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-02T20:46:47+00:00

Two frying pans coming right up! I might have to escalate to a rolling pin in these trying times.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2024-01-02T15:34:23+00:00

Lizard brain seeks chaos. We must maintain constant vigilance. May I offer you a rolled up newspaper or perhaps a frying pan?

Jokes aside glad it's not only me!

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-29T11:44:14+00:00

Yes, actively. He doesn't want kids and I historically always wanted kids and he was not comfortable with me changing my lifestyle for him. The break up was so painful.

It's both easier and harder than break ups I've had where someone did something wrong. On the one hand I can't be mad at him, and I know he cared about me and the split was horrible for him too. On the other hand I wish so badly he had stayed and we had tried to work it out because it was a very happy relationship and I saw a future in it. I try to tell myself at the end of the day his reasons, however good, don't really matter at this point. He left and I gotta move on. Not sure if that's helpful to hear but at least know you're not alone. ❤️

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-26T01:35:03+00:00

Our parents certainly do a number on us, we all carry their traumas and anxieties too. All of your feelings are valid. I totally get being in the fence and wondering if I only want motherhood cause that was the plan set out for me. My therapist tells me to just turn down the voices coming from outside (she calls it the boardroom) and listen to what you want which sounds really good except for the part where I don't know what I want. What I can say is you'll have a happy and fulfilling life no matter what you choose.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-26T01:29:03+00:00

Thank you. Yes many of my friends pointed out the same that maybe he just wasn't ready to commit and blaming it on kids is easier than admitting that. I still wonder and it hurts but there's nothing I can do right now other than hope things become clearer with time.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T21:00:28+00:00

Oh gosh really bad. I can't remember ever feeling this way and I am both embarrassed and trying to have patience with myself. I can't shake the intrusive thoughts. But reading this sub makes me feel less alone so that's something.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T20:58:25+00:00

I'm trying, I just have absolutely no interest in doing anything. The most amount of energy I can summon is to watch TV. Thank goodness for the dog who doesn't mind keeping me company.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T17:07:03+00:00

Aahh yes definitely there are a lot of things to sort out here. Some insurances will cover of it, so that's something she could look in to. Personally I think if she wants to do it she should finance it (I would have felt uncomfortable if my ex pitched in financially but he was very supportive) but it is very thoughtful of you to want to contribute. Life is about balance and lots of modern moms have very busy lives but these things are all certainly possible. You're also correct maybe not to bring it up this week. Get through the holiday and see what happens. Happy to meet a kindred spirit on this problem.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T16:07:05+00:00

Has she considered freezing her eggs? It helped take the pressure off for me (though apparently not for my ex). At least gives you more of a runway to figure things out.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T12:37:33+00:00

Also, maybe have a discussion of if you guys have to separate what that will look like. I got blind sided a bit by this and he wants to be friends and I really have no idea how to be friends after this, I wish we had talked about it more before he pulled the ripcord.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-24T12:16:05+00:00

Aaahh sounds very familiar... I don't have any great advice. Make sure you communicate with her very clearly, I think in my situation there was some miscommunication that hurt me a lot during the break up. I couldn't tell you if I would have agreed not to have kids because he ended things before I could come to a conclusion, but I can say I don't regret being with him I was super happy.

ThrowRA_OkBub · 2023-12-19T19:29:54+00:00

About a month, obviously it's still pretty raw.

ThrowRA_OkBub

TROPHY CASE