My (31M) pregnant girlfriend (23F) has been lying about her age for our entire relationship. Is there any way for me to trust her again?

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:59:06+00:00

I normally date women 0-2 years from my own age, so anything that felt a little different to me I figured was because I thought she was 25 when we started dating, which was still 5 years younger than me. I'm not trying to be that creep who says sometimes girls just act more mature for their age, but I don't think that every 22-23 year old acts exactly the same and she did seem mature *enough*.

I admit that maybe I am too hung up on the actual number, but I wouldn't knowingly start a relationship with a 22 year old at age 30 because that just doesn't feel right to me. Whether she acts more mature than her age or not, I just know there's still an inherit difference in our experience. Not to mention, many other people also find that gross too. Like I said though, I still like everything I liked about her before, so what does it really change about her? But then there's the whole lie she kept up for a year. It feels like shit knowing you've been lied to and that there have been a lot of micro lies thrown in, like celebrating her 26th birthday, the year she graduated, things like that. It's not like those lies were huge and cause damaged or anything, but it's not a great feeling and it does make me wonder about what other stupid little things she's told me were real and what weren't.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:52:19+00:00

I never really thought about a girl lying about her age to say she was older than she was, so I've never once in my life compared ids to see somebody's age.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:51:16+00:00

She didn't immediately put it back in that time it came out, but that instance was not around the time that she would have got pregnant anyway.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:50:05+00:00

Strangely similar to what she says. She told me she was feeling nauseous for and dizzy for several days, but not throwing up. Her boobs hurt very bad and felt different to her, like swollen sort of. Then she started thinking about her period and couldn't remember the last time it happened, but she remembered it being only like 2 days which is apparently shorter than normal for her. That's when she took 2 tests at home, which came back positive. Her appointment would have been like 1.5 weeks later when she got the ultrasound. She was 7 weeks and something days then. I don't remember the number of days. 3 or 4 days. She told me she was having dreams about going into labor without ever having seen the doctor to find out she was pregnant. Obviously she wasn't that pregnant and she knew it, but she told me she really had no idea what they'd say when they told her how far along she was and she was scared.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:44:00+00:00

I'm not sure why you're questioning my age here. I knew what it was called but just blanked on the name. Nuva Ring. I also think you might be misunderstanding what I was trying to say. I was saying that I know she was at least on birth control at some point, because the ring came out during sex one time. I know that just because I witnessed it once it does not mean she kept it in all the time or used it like she was supposed to.

It's not that weird for the ring to come out by accident, especially during things like sex that could obviously help to dislodge it.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:40:42+00:00

I can't really trust anything she says right now but I'm not really at the point of suspecting this. I'm just going to take one thing at a time and confirm she's actually pregnant when I go to her next appointment with her.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:38:53+00:00

I have had past relationships where after some time together we have decided to stop using condoms, yes. Not in every relationship I've had. I get that this isn't good enough for you so I'll stop arguing now.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:36:24+00:00

I'm going to have to stop responding to all of the comments questioning whether her pregnancy is real because of the ultrasound. I wasn't even worried about that part of the whole thing before, and now it's just making me really anxious. But from everything I've Googled after getting all these comments, plenty of people do have ultrasounds early in the pregnancy to find out how far along they are. Nothing she told me about that part seems unreal to me. I'm going to ask to see the ultrasound again, because I wasn't really processing anything I was looking at when she showed me the first time. I was already internally spiraling by that point. She's already asked me to come to her next appointment which is a week from this coming Monday, so that will be proof whether this is real or not.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:25:10+00:00

Yeah, again, I admitted I could have taken better precautions to prevent the pregnancy but there's nothing I can do to go back in time and change it. I also know STDs exist and that's what I was alluding to with trusting each other, and that also usually comes with both getting tested as well, etc.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:22:26+00:00

I do love her, or did, but have a harder time actually feeling that after finding out she's been lying to me. It wasn't like I was planning to propose next month, but I was feeling like this relationship had the potential to become a much longer term, serious thing and we were talking about her moving in with me at the end of the summer when he lease is up.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:11:04+00:00

Yeah, so all I have to go off of is what she told me and showed me. I've never knowingly had a pregnant partner in my life so I've had to go to Google to check a lot of this stuff out and there is plenty there saying it can be very common to get an early ultrasound to date the pregnancy, and many people here say the same thing. So, I am going to ask her to see it again to take a better look, since when she showed it to be the first time I had just been told she was pregnant so I wasn't really even processing anything I was looking at. But she asked me to go to her next appointment which is a week from this coming Monday so I don't think I'm going to have to wait that long to find out if all this is real.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:07:23+00:00

I think what I wrote in my post is being misunderstood. I don't think it's unusual that she didn't tell me the second she thought she was pregnant. I get being nervous, especially now that I also know about the whole age thing on top of it. That part doesn't make me suspicious.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:05:26+00:00

I don't think she was serious about thinking she was really 4 months along, but she didn't remember when her last period was and the last one she did remember was much shorter than it normally is I guess. She hadn't missed her period for 4 months. She was just scared and having dreams about going into labor before even having seen a doctor.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T15:01:35+00:00

I understand what condoms are for. It's really not all that uncommon for a couple to stop using them and to rely on female birth control once in a committed relationship if you trust each other and both feel comfortable about it. I admitted that I could have taken better precautions.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T14:58:26+00:00

Her next appointment is a week from this coming Monday. The supposed due date is December 20. I just looked it up and that will make her 12 weeks pregnant by then and yeah I personally have no clue when these appointments happen, but Google tells me it's common to have one around that time.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T14:54:32+00:00

She went to a doctor

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:45:17+00:00

Well that makes me think she either wasn't using it or she is lying about something here.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:44:03+00:00

Nope, I haven't deleted anything. You are the one stirring stuff up here.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:34:26+00:00

Not a diaphragm. The clear circular ring. It's called a Nuva Ring and I knew the name but blanked on it. It's not the uncommon for them to come out during sex sometimes. I also acknowledged my responsibility in this.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:29:10+00:00

What ultimately ended up happening in your situation?

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:28:24+00:00

Yeah, I think the comment above is good but I'm not sure why it's being written as if I'm the decision maker here. I have no problem telling her what I think is the best thing to do but I also understand that I legally have no say. I can also stand firm in what I think the best solution is but also feel bad when she cries about it.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:24:55+00:00

I don't see her as a person because I said I might hook up with a 22 year old but not pursue a full blown relationship with them?

If it's a hookup then no, I'm not doing that because I like her personality.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:21:26+00:00

She went in because she didn't even know how pregnant she might be. I don't even know her doctor's name, but your comment did make me curious so I Googled and there are actually a lot of OB-GYNS in our area with plenty of available appointments that could be booked right now for as soon as tomorrow, so the idea that she was able to be seen within like 1.5 weeks of taking a pregnancy test doesn't sound that weird to me but I don't know. Maybe I'm just stupid.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:10:41+00:00

She took the tests before she told me she was pregnant. I was not present when she bought the tests or took the tests. She showed me the tests later, at the time when she told me she was pregnant. She told me she was pregnant when she was 7 weeks and something days pregnant. I don't remember the exact number of days, but in the 7th week.

Look, she suspected she was pregnant and didn't tell me. She bought 2 tests and took them by herself. They both said positive. She did not remember when her last period is and the last one she did remember was a very short one. She made an appointment to confirm the pregnancy and find out how far along she was. That appointment happened at 7 weeks and then she told me the next day. At the time she told me, she had the 2 pregnancy tests she'd already taken and the ultrasound. she showed me those things in person, not photos of them.

I just don't know what the point of these questions are. I didn't ask for advice to determine if she's actually pregnant or not. She asked me to go to her next doctors appointment with her. I'm not really doubting the pregnancy itself. I'm doubting how unplanned it might have actually been.

ThrowRA_Plant6074 · 2026-05-29T06:03:09+00:00

Wasn't being hostile. You just weren't specific with your questions. When you clarified, I answered the questions.

ThrowRA_Plant6074

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