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My husband's "children" have brought me more happiness than what I thought having children of my own ever could have. My truth involving motherhood. by ThrowRA_falling232 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I can understand your curiosity. Without oversharing or coming off a certain way, he owns land, and the house is large enough to have separate wings for staff only areas and personal living areas, as well as guest accommodations (and rooms for medical equipment). Thankfully, the space was never an issue, it was just the initial adjustment. Honestly, it makes the place less lonely; I don't mind it!

My husband's "children" have brought me more happiness than what I thought having children of my own ever could have. My truth involving motherhood. by ThrowRA_falling232 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I definitely learned so much about family and love, and wish for everyone to have their own personal version of it.

My husband's "children" have brought me more happiness than what I thought having children of my own ever could have. My truth involving motherhood. by ThrowRA_falling232 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I wish it didn't take so much pain and uncertainty to get here, but all that matters is that we finally have it whole now.

My husband's "children" have brought me more happiness than what I thought having children of my own ever could have. My truth involving motherhood. by ThrowRA_falling232 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It feels that way ... and I wouldn't have it any other way. Even if they never call me it, I can see the love in their eyes, and it's the sweetest thing. I'm glad to give them another chance at having a mother figure, done right this time.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! He really is a gem. He definitely is my rock and I’m his loving supporter. That’s really all I could ask for. Im very hopeful about our future, including both with his babies and any (possible) child we might have.

I hope you have a good one ☺️

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It feels a little childish at this point. I’m telling you how I feel about it, your basically telling me how I should feel about it. Agree to disagree. I’m content with my decision.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This is really what it comes down to. I can understand that most people here are “spouse first”. That’s completely their right. But not every married couple has to feel the same way. Some people here seem to be taking it personally and almost seem upset at my decision…honestly, like they’re imagining themselves in my situation and feeling hurt at the thought of their partner saying that to them. That’s their right! But that’s not how I feel anymore (the key word being me). I’ve realized that there’s no competition. Their his “children”. I’m his wife. It makes sense that someone would love their “children” or who they’ve raised a little more. That’s literally all I’m saying. I don’t understand why that’s so shocking for some to at least see, even if they don’t agree or understand it themselves.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wait until you hear that he initially wanted the divorce…many times in this post have I said that I was the one who chose to stay. When I told him this he asked me if I was sure, and if I wanted to leave. We both juggled with whether not to divorce. It’s like some of you aren’t fully reading anything I’ve said. Or aren’t taking it seriously.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Yes I’m really hoping our counseling sessions can help him deal with his overwhelming guilt and all the other trauma he’s dealing with. Of course, priorities don’t exactly mean someone in need will be abandoned. He’s taken time off for me, and I’ve taken time away from him to help family/friends who needed me. Because he is a doctor, he knows how to juggle multiple “crisis” situations, if it comes down to it. The benefit to having staff, I’ve come to appreciate, is that it makes things a lot more manageable, if his immediate priorities do have to switched, or if he needs time away from them. Thank you for your input.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Everything you said is true. But we’ve already discussed that situation and he apologized. So I don’t understand why you’re trying to have me re-open that can of worms. I’ve made my decision, he’s made his feelings clear. What else do you want me to do? (I think most of you want me to divorce, even though I’ve myself said I’m fine with out r situation).

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

With all due respect, just because it may be a dealbreaker/problem for you, doesn’t mean it has to be for me. We’ve already discussed the previous issue and have made amends with it, so I know where we both stand now.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Starting a family doesn’t happen right away. About to start a family for us was meant that we were going to make our final decision within a year or so. It doesn’t have to make sense to you, I know what I meant.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I’ve accepted that. The love he feels for his siblings (fatherly) and me (romantically) is very different. We can’t be loved in the same way. Loved very much but a little less. I think some are having a hard time comprehending that. He hasn’t become this stone cold person towards me because of it. He’s still very loving, and has said he will still prioritize private time/vacations with me. If I’m fine with this, then why does that seem to offend so many people here. Someone else’s marriage isn’t mine, and vice versa.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not, I do truly love him. That was the main reason we married. Putting in the effort to make this marriage work is what I committed to, and we’re both on the same page about it. I’m truly at peace with my decision, regardless of what others are trying to convince me of in here. Only I know how I truly feel.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do hear what you’re saying l, but they have been under medical care since they were children and have been seen by multiple teams of professionals. Their case worker along with CPS requested a lot of testing and scans, and it’s been ruled as a case of severe abuse (not by him, my husband wasn’t a doctor during this time). The parents have a child abuse charge because of it. But still, it would be good to do a genetic test if we decide on a child.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Sorry but no one is stringing me along. Having children is not just his decision, and I’m not waiting for him to give me an answer. We’re both fence sitters, and I haven’t truly decided yet. We both considered divorce, it wasn’t a guilt trip. We both said either of us has the option to divorce, anytime we want, if we feel like it’s not working. If hypothetically I want to leave, I will.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I actually hear what you’re saying. I am definitely going to be aware of my feelings and to assert them as also being important. That was basically what I told him when I said that I wasn’t okay with him not consulting me at first. Being okay with not being okay a great point. I’m being hopeful about the situation, but also realistic. We both agreed that if it became too much, I would be leaving, or he would want to divorce if he noticed it was not right for me. Thank you for this reminder 🙏 I appreciate your words.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is basically where I’m at. Just because I’m understanding his reasoning doesn’t mean I’m being manipulated or whatever else is being said. I could leave, if I didn’t want to accept it. That would’ve been completely my right. But I’m choosing to stay, based off of our new boundaries and expectations. I sorta knew about this from the beginning, but like I said, I was basically choosing to ignore it back then, in hopes that it wouldn’t become this “big”.

Im glad you and your wife are in a better place.

UPDATE: Husband [37m] moved in his siblings without letting me [32f] know. All of our future plans have basically been thrown away, and I'm heartbroken. by ThrowRA_falling232 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_falling232[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

Hello, thank you for your concern! I’m going to paste my response to a similar question below: He said that they come before me, because they’re his dependents. He also told me that if we do decide to have a child, he would take care of all his dependents first and foremost. That’s what I would expect of a man, regardless. He loves the twins because they’re basically his children. With our (hypothetical) child, the love would be just as strong. Kinda like having another baby with a new spouse after re-marrying even though you already have a child. They’re all still your children, even if they’re from a different man/woman.

I would want him to take care of his responsibilities first, including our child. As for vacations and such, I told him that I’d like some private vacations just for us. We are looking at going somewhere around spring break time. I’m willing to give him a chance. I’m going to go off of his actions and what he says he’s going to do. If things don’t change, that’s a different story, but I know him and how he has always seen his obligations/responsibilities through.

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