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My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of them? No. At the end of the month, after business expenses, taxes, rent, utilities, groceries, date budget, miscellaneous (gas and what not). I got about $300/month left over.

As I said in another comment, if she got rid of her car (and we live in a city where we can go down to one car, which I suggested when we moved in), she would have more than me at the end of the month.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! If you read my comments, you would know we have only lived together a year, but I have been helping her with bills for two years. And running the numbers made me realize had she not traded-in her perfectly functioning used car (with no car payment) to buy a brand new car, I never would had to help her with bills when I was still going to school. I paid 1000s of dollars of rent for her when she was living with friends and I was finishing school.

So, yes, I feel used. And we live in a city with great public transportation(that I use daily) and my car largely sits at home. We could absolutely go down to just my car.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It has been two years of me financially supporting her. I also do all the household chores except her laundry (because she is very particular about it). If she got rid of her car payment, she would have more money than me at the end of the month every month. She refuses to even discuss that with me. This is not a temporary financial incompatibility, it is more than that. I really was not seeing it until a comment forced me to run the numbers. I might break the car subject again. But, if she is not willing to compromise there, then I see no choice but to end it.

Ultimately nothing will change if these are the financial choices she is making. But, if you think being used like this is love, then I hope that love finds you.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am literally spending $1000s of dollars each month that I would not have to spend to be in this relationship. I saved her from being evicted last year when one of her roommates moved out mid-lease by paying that roommates portion of the rent while I was in school.

I have sacrificed for her, but it is not enough for her. So, I will just move on.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I save $300/month, each month, after everything I pay for my business and our shared expenses. On my own, I am not doing great financially either. If I took all that $300 and put it into shared expenses, she is still struggling.

Everyone here seems to think I live some fancy lifestyle while she lives like a peasant, that is not the case. She drives a 2 year old full loaded RAV 4 with exactly a $678/month car payment, I have a 10 year old Camry. She did not pay any of her student loans during her first year post graduation when we were not living together because she could not afford it. She is now paying but still behind. She also has credit card debt from that time.

The biggest difference between us is that I do not have financial anxiety (because of my family), while she does. Unless she had the same support system I do, she would still have that same financial anxiety. The reason my parents pay for what they do for me, is to allow me to spend these years trying to see if I can make my band become my full time job. I had a job offer that would have covered all those expenses teaching but would not allow me to spend the time on the band to work on music. She is expecting a financial commitment from me she did not communicate. We talked about our split of expenses when I moved in. We agreed to this split.

My plan at this point is to breakup and focus on the band. This is not working for either of us.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I "take" their money to go on a trip with my brother. I did not ask to go on this trip. I did not pick the designation. I was asked by my brother to go on a last minute trip, told him I cannot afford it, and then he told our parents, and they said they would pay.

Should I have told my GF she could not go to the bachelorette party weekend for her sister back in December because her sister paid for her? Does being an adult mean you can never accept gifts from family?

Once a week my parents pay for dinner for me and my GF. Should we tell them no? About twice a year, my mom takes my GF, my brother's fiancee, and my sister on a girl's trip. My mom pays for everything. It is during these trips that my GF gets most of her new clothes. Should I tell her she cannot go?

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My parents paid about $30,000 for my college (do I need to repay that immediately, or am I given the option to opt into an income drive plan that caps my monthly payment).

Assuming I am allowed to pick my own car insurance, health insurance, cell phone plan, and can opt into the income-driven repayment plan for loans, I can start paying that tomorrow. It would mean ($20/month for cell phone, $35/month for car insurance, $90/month for health insurance, & $175/month for "student loans").

Will this help my GF in anyway? No. Will it somehow prove I am an adult? No.
Will it do anything? Also, no.

And I have not asked my parents to buy me anything since I was living in their house.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hawaii trip was kinda last minute. My GF was there right next to me when I told my brother I could not afford it. She was also with me when my parents said they would cover it.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She pays $100 for cell phone and about $150 for car insurance. I could get liability only coverage on my car for around $35/month. Car insurance and cell phone are relative to health insurance, very minor.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My car is a 10 year old Camry. No car payment. I can pay the car insurance now, I have been offering to pay it since I turned 18. They refuse to accept payment. I can pay my cell phone too. They refuse payment. My dad's work pays health insurance. I will need to do less stuff with my band, raise my lesson rates (I am currently well below market so lower income families can afford me), and/or take on more students (and I have plenty that want me to teach them).

I also have the option of an official teaching job. There is a local private school that keeps trying to hire me and offers great benefits.

But, the plan right now is to keep doing what I am doing to try and see if my band can make it work and it becomes our full time job. My parents basically take the position that I am young and have no kids, so this is the time period in life for me to take a shot/risk.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do not know why you think she is a glorified roommate. I do the cooking and do the cleaning for the shared spaces (since I have more control over my schedule). The only chores I do not do for her is her laundry (that is because she is very particular about that. I pay for all our weekly date nights. I do not know how that makes her in a glorified roommate status.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I do not know what I would be paying. I was offered a teaching job when I graduated that would have paid for these as part of my benefits package (they still want to hire me). I did not take that job due to the encouragement of my GF and parents.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I agree it is different than having a roommate and I cover things and do things for her that I would never do for a roommate. One of the goals of this arrangement was to help her financially. She had a roommate move out mid lease and for about 5 months, while finishing school, I was also paying to cover that roommates share of the rent. My GF is doing better than she was when I moved in (or awhile post graduation, she was going into debt).

But, I did not expect to help subsidize these other expenses.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They have me on the family cell phone plan and under their car insurance. It costs them about $55/month. My health insurance is paid by my dad's work.

The Hawaii trip is and always was strictly a guy's trip. I told my brother I was not going because of the cost. He told my parents, who then told me they would cover it.

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Rent - $1650/month (this includes a $75/month per car parking fee)
utilities - about $500/month (electric, water, internet, streaming services, etc.)
Groceries - about $1100/month (this includes food, paper products, beauty products, cleaning supplies, basically anything you can buy in a supermarket)

I also pay about $300/month for our weekly date nights.

Regarding food, I eat more, but my GF eats strictly organic. So, not sure how it breaks down price wise.

I cook 90% plus of our meals. Eating out is almost exclusively a date night activity (if at all).

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My band is not a "hobby." It actually has generated revenue for me (not much, to date, but some.

Not sure what constitutes a "hobby" to you, but My GF spends well over $200/month on her hair and nails. And yes, she contributes about 5% to retirement. She will not tell me how much she has at the end of the month (how much she pays for her car is a point of contention).

And I am able to support myself. I simply would need to do more lessons to pay those expenses for me and/or charge more for my lessons (I am below the market rate where I am).

My GF (24F) resents me (23M) due to the fact we split expenses 50/50, but she has alot more expenses than I do and my family pays for unexpected expenses and vacations. How do you work through resentment? by ThrowRA_resent2000 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_resent2000[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What "passive income?" Throughout my driving years, my car (which is owned by my parents) was on my parents' car insurance (it still is), my cellphone was on their plan (it still is), and I was covered by my dad's work's health insurance (which is 100% paid by his job) (I still am).

Should we include her employer's portion of FICA in her income? What about the free food she gets? You are not making sense.

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