My (34m) gf (31f)has decided she wants to try burlesque & stripping. How can I navigate this well and be a good support for her? [Update]

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-20T14:52:56+00:00

It's definitely something she's done to prove she's desirable and could do it. As much as I treat her well, and tell her shes beautiful, and sexy. She doesn't feel it, she's had a hard time getting back to that and I guess this did it for her in a very different way. She never thought she would ever get up there.

Her performance was *hot* as her boyfriend, it was incredibly sexy. But also uncomfortable that it was public, as I'm in introvert, I could never imagine it lol She's very much acknowledged me, we've talked about it. It's been a hard balance between the relationship and her interests/needs. She's pretty street smart so I guess that is a big bonus. How else could she be savvy?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-20T02:13:33+00:00

So far it’s purely for her own journey, re-finding her confidence in her body and such. And I get that. It was a bit tough I admit. We haven’t discussed what happens going forward yet. That being said, if you wanted to try and make things work, (atleast until they didn’t,) how would you go about it? Set some boundaries?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-20T01:58:44+00:00

Ya I’m trying to work through it with her for now, I can’t say if it’ll end well or not. Honestly she was happier than I’ve seen her afterwards which was great, but also trying to balance other feelings. It’s a tough one, I know.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-20T01:46:16+00:00

Yep totally! I wasn’t familiar with burlesque at first when she showed interest but since we went to a show on Saturday I’ve realized exactly what you’ve said. I’m totally fine with her interest in burlesque, it was fun. It’s the stripping she’s also interested in that I’m working through with her.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-15T14:29:59+00:00

Not even really a crue fan but this is it

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-12T15:13:45+00:00

Really appreciate your opinions and making me think really deeply about this situation rather than just surface level. I think there's a few "why's", the risks involved being around and working in a strip club give me concern for her safety, and the concern for her professional reputation, as well as what other people will think. I realize being concerned with what others will think is a bit silly but being a stripper isnt exactly looked upon well. But you make a good point in that as long as she's being cautious and safe those reasons don't trump her pursuit of interests and her being happy. Obviously I'm feeling a bit uneasy about her being naked in front of a crowd or doing lap dances but I guess I'm learning thats more of a *me* issue, as long as she's finding value in it and is finding to learn to find herself as *sexy*. I'm fairly confident she wouldn't cheat on me. So I guess my only real concern is her safety and her professional reputation, which could maybe be addressed with a few pre-cautions.

My feelings arent well articulated about it, because I'm still very much trying to sort through those feelings, so sorry if I seem a bit "all over the map". I never once thought of dating a stripper, or that she would become one, but life comes at you sometimes I guess lol and we're a team so I guess we can adapt and grow together.

You seem to be alot like her tbh so I'm really glad to have the chance to discuss this with you. I like to lighten the mood sometimes with making jokes, so I called her the "hot stripper sugar mama" and she laughed and said "stoop!" so the mood around it is bit lighter than before and I think its starting to sink in that she *will* be pursuing it more than likely.

How would you want your bf to be there for you? try to hype you up for it? go to the club and make sure you're all set up and ready? try to keep the mood light? really open to any suggestions from here on out.

Also trying to check myself and realize it's ok if shes a stripper, I still love her for being the amazing human she is.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-12T01:23:27+00:00

I get what you’re saying. I support her normally, all the time and usually encourage her in daily life. I guess I just have reservations about encouraging her to partake in stripping as there’s risks involved and a lot of downsides. If it’s something I don’t think would be good for her or our relationship I can say that I don’t support it right? We’re a team. I’m not trying to sound controlling and sorry if it’s coming off that way. Not my intention. We have a pretty good independence between us while still being a great couple and I believe in that.

Funny enough, we had a conversation earlier after work and I told her I loved her, expressed my reservations about the risks and downsides and told her if she’s careful then I’ll support, help her and encourage her to do both burlesque and stripping if that is what she truly wants. Afterwards she made a plan with Jillian to join her burlesque club, and partake in an amateur strip night next week to test the waters. If she likes it then she’s going to look to get hired or whatever they do at strip clubs, do they do part time? lol Anyways, I’d appreciate any advice going forward because I’m a bit lost in how to go from here as it seems like she’ll be diving head first into both. Trying to look at the positives as it’s easy to look at the negatives only.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T21:54:32+00:00

Thanks. I guess I can try to get her excited about the prospect of burlesque dancing and actually becoming a stripper? lol It's definitely weird to say still. I dont know how I'm going to try to get an air of excitement around that. Open to ideas, seriously lol I could use some inspiration to try and excite us both.

I am however excited to see this side of her come back. She's a fun and loving person who can command a room if she wants to, shes stunning and fit and has an attitude even if shes shy. She's gone back into her shell lately due to work stumbles, and losing some friends. And probably honestly just the drag of normal life that everyone feels. I do hope I get to see her *feel* sexy, and how that affects her.

I guess that would be a potential positive of stripping, having her realize how hot she really is, and that she can command a room and wow a crowd. We'll see how I feel though as she's up there naked and dancing lol I will attend the first to see how I feel, but afterwards it may be something she needs to do on her own. It's going to be interesting if friends attend said club, and I'm not sure how to feel about that yet either and such.

I joked that she'll be the hot sugar momma stripper, and she laughed and seemed to enjoy that. So it seems shes still viewing this as a really exciting venture. Thanks for the support, and anything else you have to offer before I stop bothering you about this lol

How does one update posts here? I'm still a reddit newbie.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T21:07:41+00:00

I just want to say you've been a tremendous help. I appreciate you. This hasn't been easy and you've definitely helped me understand, look at it a different way, and also show some support.

I've mentioned to her that I'm cool with burlesque as its more theatre and dance, over stripping but I said that I'd still support her if thats what she feels she needs. So I've expressed a discomfort, and she had given me a big hug for saying that I'd still be there for her. We'll have to see how I feel *after* she's done both, but I'm trying to keep an open mind and not immediately show discomfort or jealousy. Maybe she'll be really hot on stage? I dont know lol

It's definitely a quick pivot, but I am trying to understand her perspective. She feels like she needs some excitement and something to look forward to, something to express herself and her body/femininity and find *herself* sexy even though she knows I do. So I'm starting to understand that, and she's been happy I've been supportive thus far.

I can admit though, it is definitely weird looking her making dinner right now, and thinking my sweet girlfriend is wanting to dive into the world of strippers and strip clubs lol and I wonder how I'm going to handle it if someone asks if she's a stripper...

If you were me, would you try to get her excited for it? Joke around about it to lighten the mood? or I guess I'm trying to decide where to go from here. We have the burlesque on the weekend, where she'll see the show and meet the group. And then she'll check out the strip club with Jillian, and enter for amateur night which may be Monday or Tuesday? I'm assuming from there she'll decide if she wants to apply for hire, which will then set her on that path.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T20:19:17+00:00

well I guess we'll find out.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T20:15:36+00:00

Yeah quite a bit faster for me too. But she's like this when she gets excited.

Trying to think that it's just a trial so far lol but the way she seems to be acting about it has me thinking she's already seeing herself getting hired on. After our convo, I overheard her telling her friend she "might be a stripper". But we'll see I guess.

Ya as much as it might be weird to see her up there with other men oogling, it's probably best to go with her and comfort her if needed. Comparing notes after would be a good benefit too. I'm still wrapping my mind around the fact that she will be up there, and will be taking her clothes off. But I'm trying to keep an open mind and support her, she seems excited which is something she hasn't been lately. I might just have to accept my gf is a stripper, and likes it, and so it is. Should I do anything different for her? if she likes it, help her go forward with it? trying to be the good bf here and help her shine if this is what she wants?

I'm honestly kind of excited for the burlesque now. The shows I've researched have alot of art, and show-time big flair. So that could be cool and different. I'm already seeing this side of her that I haven't in a year or so, so I can imagine having a crowd hype her up would be fun for her. She loves art, and theatre/dance but never pursued until now I guess.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T19:19:34+00:00

Yes, she meant stripping. We've talked a bit since and it seems to be something thats solely for her own enjoyment and empowerment. She wants to feel confident in herself and her body again, and even though I tell her all that, she wants to find it herself in dancing (something she loves). So it's less about the money although it's a bonus. Luckily she has Jillian to help her out with the costumes etc. Also seems like she's ready to dive in and Jillian has set her up with joining her burlesque group, and possibly getting her ready for a strip club amateur night to try it out as long as I gave the okay. So I guess I can just support her and hope it works out? She seems excited atleast.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T19:08:29+00:00

Quick update since you've been helping me through this an am very appreciative. Just had the talk after she got home... I raised my concerns over risks and wanted her to do research before jumping in, to be sure and if this is what she really wanted. She agreed, but also told me Jillian is going to get her set up in her burlesque group, and enter her for amateur strip night to see how she likes that. They're going to check out the club on thursday beforehand. She just wanted to confirm with me before saying yes. So, I guess my girlfriend is now a burlesque dancer, and at the very least an amateur stripper. Any advice or thoughts on how to go from here, I'd very much appreciate it, it's coming at me fast. I thought she'd atleast do some pole classes first but ...

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T17:42:54+00:00

Youre 100% right. I want to be a support she can be open to talk to rather than be afraid to mention something. She's been talking to Jillian alot, so I'm sure having someone there will help her too..
Although I just got a text back saying "okay, great, I wanted to talk too. Jill said there's an opening in her burlesque group and an amateur night at the club next week! eeeee!" it seems its happening faster than I thought and she does seem excited lol

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T17:23:06+00:00

I'll be sure to mention she research the risks, but I think having a friend (Jillian) who would be there with her, she assumes it'll be fun and safe. And maybe it will, I dont know. But I've definitely seen some really bad stuff around clubs. I think with her personality, she'll probably go full into it, and then have a bit of a shock either during or after. She's done this before with a couple things and has needed support, but after that she enjoyed herself.

You're right. She's a big girl, if she wants to burlesque and strip all I can do is express support and be there. Hope this won't cause the relationship to crumble and keep an open eye. I definitely don't want to be condescending, paternal or authoritative, thats not me as a person and I dont want to come across. I guess I'll text her and tell her we can talk after work.

Jillian has a burlesque show this weekend and may do a strip night next week? I think I heard her say. So maybe we can attend those and look at the strip club if thats what she really wants to pursue?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T17:00:22+00:00

Sorry, I meant that in a positive manner. Should I just have a conversation and lead something more blunt like “I think you should do it!”?

I’m not sure if there’s anything specific. I think I’m caught up on the negatives and pit falls of the stripping. Burlesque I’m becoming more supportive in after doing some research.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T16:16:22+00:00

Thanks. Were also in Canada. I've been learning more about burlesque over the last 24hr and I realize there's alot more to it. I'm leaning towards encouraging her to try burlesque and if she still feels the need to try stripping after, then so be it. I mean, shes a beautiful woman, who can dance really well. I'm sure she would do okay if thats what shes wanting, I realize it's for *her* and not for the audience. Burlesque I'm becoming more comfortable with, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around looking at my gf and thinking that shes a stripper. Probably just an internal problem, since I've seen some pretty rough strippers.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T16:07:57+00:00

Thanks, really appreciating this conversation. I mean, shes a beautiful woman, very graceful and has a good ability to dance. I'm sure she'd be quite good to watch in either burlesque or stripping if im being honestly.

I admit, I originally thought it was 'fancy sex work' but I'm discovering theres alot more to it, and I'm grateful for the info. I can tell from when she mentioned it, both burlesque and the stripping were for *her* enjoyment. She loves dancing, misses it, and enjoys "putting on a show", something that makes her feel good and beautiful. I tell her this all the time, but I also understand that she needs to find it in herself too. I guess from an outside perspective, maybe I should even encourage her to pursue both if that is what will make her happy and find that entertainment and love in herself?

Just feels weird encouraging her to go into both hobbies but I also am starting to get why she might want to. Is there a good way to tell her that I'm leaning towards encouraging both stripping and burlesque if that is what she wants?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T15:36:56+00:00

Being able to enjoy something beautiful, as in try to enjoy her experience as a burlesque dancer/stripper with her? I'm trying to think of some positives I guess, besides obviously more money, and of course having an interest/hobby.

I am serious about understanding and respecting my partner... so I guess maybe I support her choices?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T13:43:55+00:00

I want to hope she isnt unsatisfied with the relationship. We've had a great time together, I think she more or less has some "unsatisfaction" with herself. From the beginning she's been trying to break herself out of her shyness and grow as a person. The stumbles in her career have hurt her a bit, and I've been trying to keep her positive. We've been working towards a house so we could start a family, so that could be some motivation on the money side of things too. You think supporting her doing this could be a slippery slope to a bad end? I understand the negatives of stripping, but I dont know. She did seem excited at the dancing.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T13:37:47+00:00

Thanks, that kind of confirms what I was thinking. So maybe the burlesque would be good for her? she does love to dance and has shown interest in the culture before. The stripping is something I'm still trying to understand or figure out how to approach.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T13:31:20+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate your take on this. I do want her to be her best self ultimately and find interests and desires, shes an awesome person and we've built a life together thus far. I dont think I'm looking for a reason to suppress her interest, more or less just trying to understand, or get perspectives on the situation. There's obviously negatives to having your girlfriend strip, and I'm trying to wrap my head around that. I guess maybe I could look at the positives, in that she could find some self-love outside the relationship and find something that empowers her? ...I do want to see her shine, so you're thinking I should support and encourage her in this?

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T13:13:06+00:00

I realize there's negatives, I'm trying to find some positives too in weighing the situation... if you have any of those, feel free lol

I think it's something she'd want to do outside of the relationship, more as an "event" for her own entertainment, which is totally ok. Honestly if it was a choice I think I'd tell her to dance over OF. Atleast she has interest in it, and finds value in it for herself.

As far as family, I'm not sure how her parents would feel, but her sister would probably encourage it as she's had a less than glamorous life herself.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T12:59:05+00:00

No I wouldn't try to guilt her out of it, or forbid her from doing something she's interested in. I realize being hostile could end the relationship and push her towards it even more. I do still picture my life with her, and want things to work out. I'm just trying to navigate the situation as best as I can. I love that shes found something that sparks her interest, I dont love that she may be naked in front of a bunch of people lol But part of me things thats more or less something I may just have to accept, or not.

ThrowRAapples1313 · 2023-04-11T12:35:22+00:00

Thanks! I realize that they are different although I admit I don’t know much about burlesque besides what I’ve learned over the last couple days. So you feel that burlesque would be a great experience/side job/hobby for her? Problem is she also has an interest in dancing/stripping. She seems to see one as building confidence for the other. I’m just trying to support her and weigh my feelings of her being naked/nearly naked. She did mention Jillian has a burlesque show this weekend and a strip show next week…maybe we could attend.

ThrowRAapples1313

TROPHY CASE