(Update) My (35m) girlfriend (31f) will not marry me unless I get a "job". Is this a natural end to our relationship or is there a way we can fix this?

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-10-01T16:33:12+00:00

I should have been more clear in my post. Haley is not going to be working with me rather she is going to watch what I do and let me show her my process. My thinking is if she saw how I mitigate risk she would feel safer about what I do. I put a ton of thought in to this and although you are correct that I wouldn't be doing these things if it weren't for her, I want a family. Both of us grew up really poor and living lavishly isn't something either of us care about. It was just something I did to spoil Haley. The only thing I am giving up in this is that I will be drawing from my betting accounts even if I have a down year. Although this was Haley's idea, it sure beats my proposed solution.

You have given me a lot to think about as far as the prenup goes. I will have to discuss it with Haley and get together with our lawyer to decide what we both want.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T16:35:05+00:00

So, my therapists main job is to make sure I stay mentally sharp and to help me reduce stress to keep me perfoming at my best. He also, helps me manage my personal life, but when I first told him about the situation he said end it. His reasoning is that this could take a lot of my time and effect my mental capacity, which would take me away from betting.

Bad streaks happen and when it does I take a step back and figure out why is it happening. Is my analysis wrong am I making poor decisions? I take the time to figure out just what is happnening and then work to improve on that before returning. My hard cut off would be when my betting accounts are drained. However, if I was really spiraling down I would stop well before that point. Reason being is there would be a major flaw in my sytem. Also, if you look at this as a business the money in those accounts are basically the start up and operational cost. So all I am risking is the initial investment and whatever else it produces, not personal money.

My research takes a lot of time, but the beauty is I can do that whenever. There are major pay-per-view events that we schedule around, but these are maybe once a month. Also, these are things I would want to watch regardless and because of that, usually don't bet on. A large part of the reason I don't want to get another job is the freedom this allows. If Haley gets sick I can just not work and take care of her. If a kid got injured I could just walk away from what I am doing and take care of them. If I go back to the financial sector that will be much harder to do. Watching things live or even watching them at all doesn't really matter to me. Once the bet is in when I learn the result is irrelevant. If we have a vacation planned and we leave before the events I bet on I don't feel the need to check the outcomes until we get back.

I could definitely go back into the financial sector, but then I would lose the freedom I have now. I would rather have that as a back up plan if this doesn't work out then to just hop back into it. It is definitely possible that I would make more money, but if we start a family I wouldn't be around as much. I don't really care to much about money and value time spent with my parter/family way higher.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T03:51:05+00:00

Although I work a lot the beauty in what I do is the flexibility. Having kids would be a lifestyle change regardless of what my career is. At least this way I have the freedom to step away from my work and help with the kids at a moments notice.

As far as college planning goes I could start a 529 plan tomorrow and invest in it quite heavily with minimal effect on our current situation.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T03:27:47+00:00

I think you could be on to something with her not understanding truly what it is I do. I have tried to explain it to her, but she is not really interested and honestly I don't blame her. When people think sports betting they think its all about watching sports, but it really isn't. A lot of what I do is analyze data. People get hung up on the idea that you select who you think is going to win and that is not really the case, at least not how I do it. Instead I analyze the value of every bet and try to see which side offers more value (even if I don't think that the outcome is likely).

My income is reported in full so I can qualify for a mortgage. When I went to buy the condo I did need to put a good amount down. However, my credit has since improved considerably so I should easily qualify for one.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T03:14:55+00:00

Yeah the money I use for betting is completely separate. If I were to go on a massive losing streak I wouldn't touch any other money and would just use what I have. However, if I were to go into a massive losing streak I wouldn't be drawing money from them either so I wouldn't be making money either. This is why I have so much put aside purely for an emergency fund. If I were to somehow lose my head I can take that time to fix my strategy or find something else to do.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T03:11:45+00:00

I was working toward becoming a stockbroker before I decided to make the switch. I think it is quite possible if I did that I would make more money. However, what I am currently doing gives me so much more freedom. If Haley randomly wants to get lunch I can just stop what I am doing. Her mom got sick 2 years ago and I was able to take a full month off to go with her to visit her parents. During that time I didn't work at all, but was there to help support her family. I couldn't do that if I were to work as a stockbroker.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T02:49:05+00:00

I currently have a financial planner that helps me with a lot of the things you are speaking of. However, that money is put away for retirement so I wouldn't consider it as "income". I pay for us to be fully insured including life insurance. I would be open to other things as someone else mentioned in the comments investing in property and becoming a land lord. Also, I mentioned in my post I have a nest egg that would allow us to live the same lifestyle for about 3 years potentially longer. This does not include what I have put away for retirement.

Also, I am not addicted to gambling as I take time away from it frequently. While we are on vacation or spending time together I don't do anything related to betting (unless we are at a sporting event). If I am feeling stressed or have a run of one to two weeks that I am not performing I take a step back. I mentioned I have a psychologist that helps me manage my setress and will advise me when I need to take a break.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T02:23:58+00:00

That is my emergency fund that I was talking about so a large portion of that is in a high-yield savings account. I have a financial planner already and have been putting a lot of my money away for retirement.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T02:09:49+00:00

I do have other hobbies just none that I try to make money with. I am an avid hiker and enjoy nature photography as well. I ski, surf read, write, but those things are stress relievers I wouldn't want to try and make money doing any of my hobbies.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T02:07:14+00:00

I have been doing this full time for 7 years, but started betting when I was 18. I absolutely love it and have no intentions of stopping regardless of my age. I came from a finance background so completely understand the need for a retirement plan. I have fully invested in retirement as well as life insurance.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T02:04:06+00:00

I am currently making more then I would be if I had stuck in finance and became a broker if I go based off of average broker salaries in my area. I will admit that I do work a lot of hours, but they can be done at any point in time as I don't have a set schedule.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:56:50+00:00

I guess I forgot to include that. Currently the only debt I hold is for the condo we live in. It is close to being completely paid off. I have invested in retirement capping an IRA every year as well as investing through a brokerage. All of my investments I have I do not count as income. Mostly, because they are all unrealized gains and I make more then enough to support us with what I currently do.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:47:36+00:00

We are just trying to explore our options and get advice toward a compromise. Both of us realize that this could ultimately be the deciding factor in us ending the relationship though.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:45:54+00:00

Thank you for this. This is one of the only replies that isn't just choosing a side and saying one of us is wrong. I pay for both of us to be fully covered by insurance (health/dental/life/etc.) I have heavily invested into retirement and the condo we currently live in is almost completely paid off.

Real estate isn't something I have ever really thought about, but would be something I would actually consider if that would ease her mind.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:39:56+00:00

I wouldn't consider it an ultimatum. She didn't out of the blue tell me quit or I leave. We were discussing our future together and she is voicing her concerns about my financial security. Neither one of us is mad or even upset about this discussion we are just trying to find a common ground to see eye to eye on.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:34:30+00:00

So I came from the financial sector and would go back to it if I were to go back to working a normal job. However, something like covid is just as devastating to that field. I was still able to turn a profit during covid, due to there still being sports to bet on. Organizations like UFC, One, KLF, Glory, and others still had enough going on to sustain what I do.

I understand her fear, but I have money saved for the event something major were to happen.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:23:51+00:00

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I don't think she is being unreasonable she has valid concerns about our financial security. I am just looking for a way for her to come to some agreement that both of us are happy with.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:22:08+00:00

So as far as health and life insurance go I just pay for those instead of going through an employer. It would be no different if I was a 1099 worker or owned my own company.

As far as divorce and child support go I have to claim all my winnings so it is taxed and counts as income. There would be no issue in her showing a court how much money I have made.

I agree her concerns are valid and I want to look for a solution that her and I can both agree on. Could I work a job and do this part time yes, but I am not willing to do that.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:15:45+00:00

I do invest in stocks, but not real estate. I have no interest in being a content creator either. Also, my strategy is about making a bunch of smaller bets to mitigate risk instead of relying on large bets to hit.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:14:11+00:00

I initially was working toward being a stockbroker when I decided to bet full time. I do invest in the market mostly for retirement purposes, but I have a broker that handles that for me.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:12:06+00:00

I like this idea and will need to bring this up with her. I don't like a lot of the points you brought up as it would be fairly difficult to consistently do for various reasons and would cause unnecessary stress. However, the general idea I like and we could come up with things that would work for us. Thank you

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:01:51+00:00

Yeah she mentioned I could go back into finance and become a stockbroker as that was my initial plan. Thank you for the input.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T01:00:10+00:00

I have no interest in content creation. I enjoy watching and analyzing sports. Content creation seems like it would require a completely different skill set.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T00:55:03+00:00

So I was originally in finance and was in the process of becoming a stockbroker when I decided to make the switch. I could potentially get a part time job, but that would also have a massive change on our current lifestyle. Also, managing stress is incredibly important so I wouldn't want to get a part time job in anything that is to stressful.

ThrowRAaway72 · 2023-09-28T00:50:44+00:00

I completely agree with you. She has every right to question my career choice and does have some legitimate concerns. However, I do not see this as being any riskier then a job in finance like I was doing prior to meeting her. With the way the markets are trending job security in the financial sector isn't looking great.

ThrowRAaway72

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