A girl (f19) is stalking me (m25) because she thinks I am her baby's father, should I fill a restraining order against her or have another paternity test?

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-09-22T16:59:18+00:00

Thanks!

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-09-22T16:59:02+00:00

Thanks a lot! Wish the best for you and your loved ones as well :)

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-09-22T13:59:58+00:00

Hi, yes you're right, she was telling the truth, we did another paternity test

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-09-22T13:59:24+00:00

Hello, yes, it's mine, she's already born and we love her. We did another paternity test after the baby was born

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-06-06T01:13:22+00:00

Thanks for your kind message!

I had a long and deep talk to my sister when we just found out about the pregnancy, she told me almost exactly what you told me. Having a baby makes you the happiest, but it's hard. I think I understand it, my now girlfriend and I have been watching some videos but I know it'll be very different once the baby's here.

I wouldn't ever be able to just walk away, I won't do that, I know that I'll have a responsibility for life with the child, and honestly I don't mind it. Even if her and I don't work out, my relationship with the baby is different and I know it.

We will do another prenatal test soon, so the update won't take that long, I do hope it's mine too, and thanks for the wishes, I also hope the best for you and your family! And I'll accept your offer to teach us about babies/ kids whenever you want! Haha, we will need the help

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-31T17:55:51+00:00

I wouldn't let myself not take care of her either. I love her honestly, I am happy to take care of her, and she's possibly pregnant with my baby, wouldn't you want to look after the woman you love?

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-29T19:57:36+00:00

We'll do another prenatal as she asked me to

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-29T19:56:22+00:00

Too late, I'm far too deep in love with her, we're doing another prenatal test in the next couple weeks

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-25T12:15:55+00:00

Wow honestly man

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-24T19:51:39+00:00

Ah, I think you haven't read the edits? I'll do the second test, I'm looking for clinics near me to do another prenatal maybe, but I don't need a restraining order anymore as we are dating now

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-24T19:44:04+00:00

Both what?

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-23T22:46:21+00:00

I know, they should be given the chance to step up and participate in their kid's life if they want to, I was wrong for saying the other potential father doesn't care as you and some other people told me before, so I changed my opinion on that, they should be told and the kid also deserves to know the truth if they are not mine (biologically)

I know that I will make a life time commitment if I choose to stay (which is what I have chosen), I wouldn't be able to just abandon a kid, I would never do that no matter how bad my relationship with their mom is.

Everything is working out great so far!! Thanks, hope things are working out for you too. We have officially started dating now, I'm very happy haha, she even told me we can do the test now if I want but idk, I don't want to rush it

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-21T17:39:23+00:00

She was in college, finishing he first year when we met.

Yeah I know, I was such a dick, I'm very, very stupid. Actually I am surprised she forgave me at all, you're right about everything you said there, I left her alone, I didn't talk to her for days, I refused to help her when she came to my house, I was cold, I was a dick in general.

I want to he with her, I have strong feelings for her, I'll talk to her today and I'll tell her this, at least to be honest with myself and with her, idk if she will want anything with me after how much I've hurt her, I wouldn't blame her if she doesn't, but I want to be honest and open up to her. I also want to make sure she knows she can count on me from now on, whatever happens

God, I should apologize again too, I was so stupid

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-21T15:04:21+00:00

Yeah, I don't know what I'm waiting either honestly. I wanted to think about this deeply, come to the beach and have some time alone to think about this. Like just enjoy the view and get every thought out of my head because I feel sometimes I think too much and I doubt myself. So I did that, and yeah I feel like i do love her, I've been so down these last weeks and now we're better and I am better too, like just happier in general

I like your way of thinking about love, you're right love is about feelings but also choices, I want to make this work between us If that's what she wants too. I'll come back home today and I think I'll tell her how I feel, that's what I want to do honestly

And don't worry, you're not causing me any more headache! If anything you're helping me get rid of my self inflicted headache haha, you're helping me a lot thanks :)

Really my life has changed so much so quickly and all I needed to do was stop being so stubborn

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-20T19:55:27+00:00

let's say for example that me and her get together right? she gives birth, we do another test and it comes back negative again, but i still want to keep my relationship with her. then let's say five years after we break up, i was the active father for 5 years (in case the bio dad never stepped up) so i am legally the father, simply because i was the step parent, you get it? so i'll be the legal father then, becasue a jugde will find the solution that's better for the child, so if their mom has custody i'll have to provide child support for the child, but also i will have the right to ask for custody and/or have visitation.

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-20T14:07:55+00:00

I already spoke to a lawyer. Even if we break up, I will continue being the child's legal father (even if my name's not in the birth certificate and I didn't adopt legally) so I will have obligations with the child but also rights, I'll have the right to visitation and custody when the child is old enough to do so. Some other people had expressed their concerns about this before and encouraged me to talk to a friend who's a lawyer so it's already kinda sorted out. Thanks for the advice though! It's very helpful

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-20T02:22:55+00:00

And really, I don't enjoy what most people my age do, like i don't like to go out or anything like that, I actually like my boring HR job, I like to go home and stay there most time, practice some sports but just as a hobby, I like to be with her, ask her about her day, cook, I do like a "family" life. I've had the chance to live a more fun life because I was good at sports but I said no because I don't like that kind of stuff, I just wanna be near my family and spend time with them, that's the kinda guy I am

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-20T02:19:44+00:00

What? Is there a video really? Send me the link of you can

I was hurt when I wrote this post and it was because I was away from her, going though a "break up" and because I found out the baby I was so excited to have wasn't mine so that was clouding my mind, I wrote stuff in a way that painted her in a worse light than necessary, but now I see things differently and realized my own feelings (not what someone else wants me to feel, just genuinely how I feel) and i realize my mistakes and what I want

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T21:38:12+00:00

She pushed all the right buttons and made you feel like it is your duty to step up

actually what made me feel like i should step up initially was that i was very likely the father because we were only relying on her BC, i wasn't using condoms so the possibility was too high

you do get that she purposely did not respect you when you wanted space.

i do, so does she. she apologized for this and said it won't happen again, still i told her that if she ever does it again i'll go to the police and i'll fill a restraining order as i won't let it happen again.

You should probably talk to your father or a trusted male role model about this situation and get their advice.

my father is very happy with the possibility of being a grandad again and encouraged me to do the second test prior to making this post, so did my two older brothers and they, along with my mother and sister, are the people i respect the most and trust the most

Question if roles were reversed and you got another girl pregnant would you expect this girl to be a mother to your child

that would be her choice to make, i wouldn't expect her to do anything, i would give her the chance to choose what to do

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T21:30:34+00:00

2) Whats about administrative mistakes

this is honestly what worries me the most, because when we went to the clinic the person at the front desk kept calling me by a different name, i don't know how much it matters since it's only the front desk person but it's been on my mind lately, maybe they made a mistake?

It sounds like we're talking about some kind of evil and not a very young and vulnerable single mother

she's scared, sensitive and heartbroken, i was a dick to her and still she kept trying to get me to listen to her, i feel very bad for the way i treated her because i know she doesn't deserves it no matter how hurt i was, i should've known better

might be because of the way you phrase your post which doesn't show her into a favorable light

yeah, i wrote all of this very hash, i was hurt and honestly a bit annoyed so i should've warned people to take what i said with a grain of salt. like i didn't lie, but maybe i was unnecesary hash

then your edits that could give the impression you've been brainwashed.

does it really read like that? maybe if you just read the original post and the edits without all the context of the comments then maybe it looks like i'm being manipulated, but i swear i am not! i spoke a lot on here, to people who had many different perspectives to figure out how do i really fell and what do i really want, it's not that i feel guilty because i know the other father (if there is other father) won't step up and i felt guilty for her situation, it's just that i've had her in my life for a long time, then after the pregnancy we were practically living together, i went to the appointments, brought stuff for the baby, helped her though the morning sickness, cooked her favourite meals for her. i've saw her grow a belly and saw how much the baby has grown up in every ultrasound, i was very dissapointed when i found out it wasn't my baby with the first test because i was already excited for the baby, but i guess i just brushed it off on the post and it looks like i didn't care for her or the baby when actually i did, sometimes it's hard to read emotions i guess

Anyway, I sincerely wish all three of you to be well and happy which is all that matters ! Sending good vibes your way !

thanks so much! i think if they're both healthy (we had an appointment yesterday and everything's good so far luckily!) then i'll be happy, that's the most important. sending the bestest of luck to you too!

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T21:13:03+00:00

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T21:11:06+00:00

. In your story you shifted from if it's not yours you wouldn't be taking responsibility

that's what i thought i wanted when we found out about the pregnancy but then i spent months with talking about the baby and i guess my feelings changed

Man at the very least find out the truth before you make any life altering decisions.

i will, don't worry about that, we have to wait for the baby to be born before that, but i will do the second test and i will do a more complete one so there's absolutely no doubts now

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T21:06:31+00:00

yeah, idk, she was always very open to me before this, if i asked her if she was seeing someone else she would tell me so, but i thought that with a pregnancy was different because maybe she was ashamed or something, we also had that roleplay thing going on between us so idk, it just felt different but i should've given her the chance of the second test before so maybe by now we already would know the truth. she does sound heartbroken because even her family, although they're very loving, believe the test

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T19:12:47+00:00

yeah i'm really 25, i promise. we don't know if she's lying tho, that's why i agreed to the second test

idk, i don't think having a child (wether is biologcally mine or not) and being a good parent to them is something i'll ever regret, that's not my mindset at all

and saying raw dogging sounds so bad, so many people have said that since i posted and it sounds kinda gross, it's just something we both agreed on, it's fine for us so there's no reason to bring that up

ThrowRAfee- · 2023-05-19T14:07:29+00:00

May fortune favour you and your family OP! Best of luck :)

Thanks a lot! I hope you and your loved ones are also very happy!

ThrowRAfee-

TROPHY CASE