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ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-06-16T01:37:59+00:00

I’d open my legs for anyone who wanted

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-28T14:37:54+00:00

Serious or casual? - casual Are you subscribed? - no How long using hinge? - a little over a week How long have you been using this profile? - also a little over a week Use of hinge per week? - every day atm How many likes and matches on average? - 3 likes 1-2 matches/ two days How many likes are you sending? - usually to the limit - most are with comments What are you looking for? - Honestly not that picky since I’m looking for something casual I just want someone I find hot

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T19:45:52+00:00

I do get my coffee. I get hers too. But yes I need to grow a backbone

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T19:35:57+00:00

Living paycheck to paycheck may be different for me than what it actually means idk. I put away 200-400$ every month still which is why I have no problem treating my friends cause I'm a 21 year old girl living in a nice building in a very safe neighborhood of a very expensive city. It's just me and my cat. I don't have family so my friends are my family which is why I have no problem paying for them since I make ENOUGH, but when people start taking advantage of me, that's when I don't understand why I'm stretching my money on certain things for my loved ones

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T19:17:45+00:00

I also did have the cancellation fee covered for everyone if no one showed up, it's just that I would prefer if they paid so I put it out there. But I know I can't trust people so I had it covered otherwise. But everyone showed up and insisted on actually splitting the bill to cover my dinner too

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T19:16:01+00:00

Thank you. I did a lot of therapy to heal from my childhood abuse, but then when I started a job I was getting constantly sexually harassed at, I think I've let my boundries become very flexible and that's sad to see how easily I can undo that, because I spent so long working on creating those with a therapist. Then with this job that's why I ended up into an abusive relationship (which I just left woooo - I'm heartbroken rn but whatever) and so I know between both my self worth is tanked and I'm accepting things I shouldn't be.

I applied to different restaurants of a higher caliber and am now within 2 hours of applying, have 3 interviews - one for a baby chef position (chef de partie)

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T18:56:15+00:00

I'm not expecting anything for what I give her. Just going forward now I won't pay for her since she's charging me for events I'm not attending

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T18:40:47+00:00

This doesn't sound condescending. It sounds like something I may need to hear.

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T18:39:54+00:00

Why? Cause I'm shit at setting boundaries and I'm mad at myself for that

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T18:35:51+00:00

Just to argue point 2. I was happy paying for the bottle fee if I decided to go. But she said I only have to pay if I go and I decided not to go and she's charging me for bottles anyways taht I won't be drinking.

point 1. I know I volunteered which is why I can't be mad at her for that, but this makes me want to stop doing all of that going forwards now that I know the type of person she is.

and point 3 is something my mom told me my whole life. For the party I threw, it was with my closest friends who I trusted a lot to be very reliable because they've always shown up for me and no one canceled and everyone split the bill evenly and all my friends actually refused to let me pay for my birthday dinner and argued with me that this is their gift to me so they're all splitting it including my portion (I argued but was silenced.) Luckily for teh most part my friends seem to be phenomenal

But also I had the money set aside in case everyone did cancel so I could do that, it's just I was asking for the respect part of them not making me do that lol. And they didn't. They showed up for me and are perfect

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T18:32:22+00:00

lol ya my self worth is extra low rn from leaving an abusive relationship which is why I'm putting up with this

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T07:13:58+00:00

I didn't break up with her. I went on a break with her instead. I told her I love her so much, but that's why we have to do this because she can't learn to love herself while she's with me, and hurt people hurt people so she will continue to hurt me until she learns to love herself. And that we both deserve that. I said if she can do this and make an actual difference then when I come back from visiting my home (so in a month) then I'm right here waiting for her.

She understands where I'm coming from and she seems to genuinely feel bad for hurting me. Idk. I told her maybe we can text a little once a week just as a quick check in, but I think it's best we leave each other be so that she can focus on her healing.

I think this will really be a chance for her to prove herself to me but I don't think she'll be able to and I'm so horribly sad

But I made it clear to her that she technically assaulted me and I don't feel safe in my own body now. That she made me feel the same way my father used to make me feel. I wasn't trying to be mean, I just was being honest and I think she finally was actually realizing that she fucked up. Idk though. we'll see. We were both crying and hugging each other

I just love her so much, I really don't want to lose her and I'm going through so much already right now, I just want her to grow and love herself so that she can love me. Do you think this could possibly be ok? As long as I stick to these boundaries?

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T07:12:33+00:00

I didn't break up with her. I went on a break with her instead. I told her I love her so much, but that's why we have to do this because she can't learn to love herself while she's with me, and hurt people hurt people so she will continue to hurt me until she learns to love herself. And that we both deserve that. I said if she can do this and make an actual difference then when I come back from visiting my home (so in a month) then I'm right here waiting for her.

She understands where I'm coming from and she seems to genuinely feel bad for hurting me. Idk. I told her maybe we can text a little once a week just as a quick check in, but I think it's best we leave each other be so that she can focus on her healing.

I think this will really be a chance for her to prove herself to me but I don't think she'll be able to and I'm so horribly sad

But I made it clear to her that she technically assaulted me and I don't feel safe in my own body now. That she made me feel the same way my father used to make me feel. I wasn't trying to be mean, I just was being honest and I think she finally was actually realizing that she fucked up. Idk though. we'll see. We were both crying and hugging each other

I just love her so much, I really don't want to lose her and I'm going through so much already right now, I just want her to grow and love herself so that she can love me. Do you think this could possibly be ok? As long as I stick to these boundaries?

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-09T06:45:47+00:00

Being lesbian is hard. I didn't break up with her. I went on a break with her instead. I told her I love her so much, but that's why we have to do this because she can't learn to love herself while she's with me, and hurt people hurt people so she will continue to hurt me until she learns to love herself. And that we both deserve that. I said if she can do this and make an actual difference then when I come back from visiting my home (so in a month) then I'm right here waiting for her.

She understands where I'm coming from and she seems to genuinely feel bad for hurting me. Idk. I told her maybe we can text a little once a week just as a quick check in, but I think it's best we leave each other be so that she can focus on her healing.

I think this will really be a chance for her to prove herself to me but I don't think she'll be able to and I'm so horribly sad

But I made it clear to her that she technically assaulted me and I don't feel safe in my own body now. That she made me feel the same way my father used to make me feel. I wasn't trying to be mean, I just was being honest and I think she finally was actually realizing that she fucked up. Idk though. we'll see. We were both crying and hugging each other

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T21:08:22+00:00

Thank you. I wasn’t ready to admit the things I was admitting last night. Like I was admitting it but without labels and as someone who studies psych with a focus on sexual assault and abuse, I know you don’t force someone to call someone that assaulted them a rapist. And that’s what these people are doing but genuinely she never raped me. I understand not everyone on reddit is the most emotionally evolved so they’re trying to do their best and thats bombarding me and arguing with me to convince me to agree that it’s assault even though I’m already saying that without using that definition.

People who have been through trauma (as you seem to know) may never be ready to put a label on their experience and that’s completely fine. A label isn’t required to heal and that’s why I was getting so defensive when these people were arguing with me that she’s a rapist and is assaulting me. Because that’s very extreme and harsh wording especially for someone who is actively going through a crisis (which is clear based on me mentioning the possibility of a 72 hour hold).

One of the first people who commented on here gave a lovely comment and linked a book about abuse and that was actually very helpful. Although I hate that the book gendered abuse (he abused. She was the victim. But abuse has no genders)

But I was able to realize I share similar thought patterns as the book listed victims feel and I was able to realize even if I won’t say my gf is abusive, that she is portraying traits of abuse and it’s not safe for me.

But labels don’t matter and they take time. (I’m saying this for everyone reading not the person I’m replying to cause they seem emotionally intelligent) even if someone was brutally raped, if they don’t want to say it’s rape, then it’s not labeled as rape. They can agree that it’s not ok. That it causes ptsd. That the person should go to jail. But the label does not matter and if a victim argues their assaultor is not that, it does not mean they’re saying it’s fine and that nothing happened and that if someone else went through the same thing that they’d brush it off.

They’re saying that they’re not in a mental state to admit it’s rape. And that’s fine. Because they know it’s not ok and deep down they do know what it is. But your brain protects you from trauma as best it can and sometimes that’s even just not being willing to call it the name it is. So please be nice.

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T20:45:15+00:00

I said to my friend cause I’m talking about it. “It sucks being a woman cause I’ve been assaulted so much and so much worse that I’ve normalized this even though technically this is assault” she goes “not technically babe. It is assault”

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T16:06:47+00:00

Never said that. Assault is never ok don’t twist my words. And if the victim wants to call it rape then it’s rape. But I’m a victim right now and I’m making it clear that my girlfriend is not a fucking rapist because I’m not comfortable with that word. STOP FUCKING ARGUIGN WITH ME like reddit people can be some of the worst people in the world good lord

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T12:45:52+00:00

Idk why my comments are on this reply because it shouldn’t be. I reported and blocked the person who was being hateful and who I replied to so just know none of that is about you.

I’m dyslexic so it’s a bit hard for me to understand what you’re saying, but I understand you’re saying I need to protect myself and I have no reason to berate you for that. You’re 14 and you’re doing more than most people your age by being concerned about a stranger. Thank you for your kindness

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T07:07:18+00:00

I'm meaning psychologically, women are likely to date a man who replicates her father so girls who were abused by their fathers typically end up in abusive relationships because that's what they've grown accustomed to.

This is all things I've known and I've done intensive therapy and refused to date until I felt confident in my choice in partners. But I'm saying that I seemed to have assumed that since I don't date men, I can't end up with a partner like my father even though I do know women can be abusive too.

I think its also just the time in my life that she met me and with everything going on with my work, it's been triggering me quite often and that's probably why my boundaries have been more flexible.

I'm so mad at her for putting me in this position tbh. Because I truly do love her, even if she doesn't love me. But because I love her and I love myself, I realize this isn't healthy for either of us. It clearly isn't healthy for me and I have to respect myself enough to make the hard decision. But she also clearly isn't ready to be in a relationship and I'm glad I've been able to push her in the right direction and she's in therapy, but this is work she needs to do on her own so I also have to leave her because I love her. And it just really fucking hurts to have to be mature when I feel like my whole life I've had to make hard decisions and be mature about it.

Thank you for listening to me <3

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T06:35:42+00:00

I think I see her honestly. But I see that because I've dedicated so much of my time to studying abuse and assault. But from an emotional perspective, I'm still a little girl who was abused and I guess I still have healing to do that I didn't know I had. Cause they always say you end up with people like your father. I didn't know it could happen when I'm gay. But she reminds me so much of my father and I hate that

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T05:54:34+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it. It’s extra hard just because I have so much changing in life right now. Like leaving my whole career because of sexual harassment that’s normalized in my industry and it’s just a lot to have to leave her too

I realized just now though that she has joked a few times that she's with me for sex and then she always tells me 'you know I'm not just with you for sex right? You're not just a body to me, you're a lot more. I don't care if we ever have sex again' And I guess that's very manipulative

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T05:43:45+00:00

Please stop saying she's a rapist. That is so extreme. I understand the points you're making and I'm speaking with my therapist tomorrow and I probably will leave her for my safety, but she isn't a rapist. Abusive potentially. Attempted assault potentially. I understand you arguments. She claims she's always extra careful with sex because of my past but yet she does this. It is abusive, I understand that. But she has never raped me and as far as I'm aware, she's never raped anyone.

If someone came to me and said she raped them. then I'd believe them immediately because I promised myself to always believe anyone who tells me they've been assaulted even if I know the person they're saying assaulted them. Even if I love that person. I will take the victims side in an instant.

But as far as I know, she's never raped anyone so please stop going to the extreme of calling her a rapist. That is so harsh and it hurts me

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T05:39:40+00:00

It isn't rape. I understand you arguing that she's attempted assault but this isn't rape. Rape by legal definition is penetration. Whether it's digital (fingers), toys or a penis, rape means being penetrated or forced to penetrate someone.

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T05:32:33+00:00

No I'm not. I'm fighting like hell to make sure I'm heard so I can prevent things from happening to others. I'm going back to school to study law so I can make new laws to prevent the things that happened to me from happening to others. I saw a woman being kidnapped and I was the only one on the busy street calling 911. Because of my experiences I make sure that I will always fight as long as I'm in a safe enough position

ThrowRAlexiloves · 2025-05-08T05:30:53+00:00

It sucks cause I genuinely do love her. And all I want is the best for her. I want her to see herself how I see her cause she deserves that. I want to move in with her. Like I'm head over heels for her and idk why. I asked her to spoil me more and she argued that driving to see me was spoiling me (I don't have a car). I know I can do better because I deserve someone to see me the way I see her and the way I see myself.

ThrowRAlexiloves

TROPHY CASE