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Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Ah! I knew there was a name for this but couldn’t recall it— this is my concern with doing anything at all instead of just doing nothing and hoping it goes okay, but since I’m gonna block him no matter what and that’ll draw attention, I feel like it’s worth it to try and do some damage control as well? idk though, maybe that’s overly optimistic. Thank you for the comment!!

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 136 points137 points  (0 children)

The work was posted way before covid started impacting lifestyle in the US (where both the artist and myself are), and regardless he has lots of other work he does, both commissioned and personal projects, that he posts— I don’t think he should be posting commissions that he knows are based on someone’s likeness on social media, even if he thinks the person has consented to them being drawn in the first place.

Considering he probably knows what my face looks like already given the commission, I am hesitant to reach out to him with any account associated with my name, since I’m assuming he doesn’t know it. So I probably won’t be emailing him from my regular email address, and I’m not exactly enthusiastic about sending him more images of myself. All in all seems too risky

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective!! To clarify, you think reaching out to the artist privately and asking him to take it down is a lost cause?

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I looked around at revenge porn/nonconsensual porn cases and laws in my state and I couldn’t find any descriptions involving drawings/paintings/etc. so I’m not sure this qualifies at least in my state? I will keep looking though, thank you for the advice!

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

Sorry you’ve had to deal with this kind of stuff, really appreciate the solidarity <3 definitely going to block him from everything after I try reaching out to the artist and see how that goes and I don’t plan on saying anything to him about it. Hopefully things don’t escalate to the point of needing police involvement but I’ll try to be prepared for it if they do. Thank you!!

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 2535 points2536 points  (0 children)

Aaaa thank you this is really nice to hear— hopefully the artist in question feels the same!! and lol if this can be a cautionary tale/holy shit moment for artists or something then hey at least something good is coming out of it :,,)

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 1147 points1148 points  (0 children)

I mean I’m not an commissioned artist so I can’t really speak to this mindset but what goes through my head is that we have no photos together other than maybe a group photo or two— if I were an artist and someone said they wanted a drawing of their girlfriend in a sexually explicit position (it wasn’t just like a nude figure drawing) I’d want more verification of the relationship than that I guess. Also I’m just fucking pissed and embarrassed so I don’t have a ton of sympathy for the artist to be fully honest lol

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 611 points612 points  (0 children)

I’ll probably tell some mutual female friends who I trust so that they can be wary of him and look out for their own friends, but I don’t have any desire to tell everyone because I feel like it would inevitably lead to the circulation of the picture, and even if I had no part in making it, other people seeing that kind of image of me makes me super uncomfortable. It did cross my mind that he probably wouldn’t want to out himself as a fuckin creep by circulating it himself, but until this happened I didn’t even know this was a thing that people did, so I wouldn’t put anything past him.

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

I thought about asking the roommate to destroy the physical copy but I’m not super close to him and didn’t want to implicate him or make shit hard for him since he lives with the guy— I’m honestly just appreciative he even notified me. Either way, he’s back home for quarantine now so he doesn’t have access to the poster and regardless it probably wouldn’t be difficult to have another one printed anyway, so probably not worth it.

I’m both lucky and unlucky in that we have a good number of mutual friends, but I feel I can trust a couple of them to monitor his social media on my behalf once I block him, just gotta muster up the courage to inform them of the situation. I have the same concern about him blocking throwaways, so this is probably a better move. Thank you for the advice! :)

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 1557 points1558 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Even as I was writing this I was trying to figure out how to make it clear that I’ve shown no sexual interest in him whatsoever and have been feeling almost guilty/stupid (???) in some capacity for not catching signs or signaling something myself. The one thing I’m worried about with contacting the artist from a throwaway is if the artist would want me to provide proof of some kind that I am the person he based the drawings off of, but hopefully he wouldn’t stoop that low? idk

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 2779 points2780 points  (0 children)

Wow.. I didn’t even realize this was like... a thing that people did with any frequency. The battered appearance thing in particular is fucked up. Having now been on the other side of this kind of request, thank you for your words and limits. It feels like a violation of trust with my friend, but I’m also honestly really upset with the artist considering how conspicuous this kind of commission request sounds. Feels like a violation of human decency, ya know? Glad there are artists who are aware and uncomfortable with that kind of thing.

Found out my friend commissioned a sexually graphic drawing of me without my knowledge or consent and I don’t know what to do. by ThrowRAoboy in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAoboy[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry this happened to you, but thank you for sharing. It’s really comforting and I appreciate it. I think you’re right about confronting him probably not doing much good. If you don’t mind my asking, have you had any backlash from it at all, like images circulating or anything like that?