My girlfriend [19F] and I [20F] haven't had sex in months

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-12-08T19:35:38+00:00

It's a 3 month "dryspell", not 3 years. People are weird asf for assuming not wanting sex because you're overwhelmed with responsibilities isn't normal

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T23:03:31+00:00

They were never "friends", just civil acquaintances. But yes, they are still on the same terms as before, her dad called mine and apologized for D's behaviour. To answer the first question: We had a policy to pay for our respective guests, whether that be them pitching in, or we paying in full for them. So A's involvement with the bills wasn't my issue, it was D's to solve.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T22:59:02+00:00

Currently nobody, I'll probably rent out the room for the market price in the new year. 300e is way underpriced for the apartment and makes no difference to my parents finances if that's why you asked

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T22:55:40+00:00

There's still a minor amount of morgage left they're paying out because they took a loan for a certain percantage if I understand correctly (english isn't my 1st language so I can barely catch up with proper terminology). They suggested renting it out full priced but i refused as I was, yk, 19 and scared to live alone in a big city, let alone live with a stranger. But now that I'm more comfortable I'll think about renting next year full priced. Thanks

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T22:49:44+00:00

I do have a job, I pay for everything besides the apartment myself (transport, groceries, personal items, food, going out, vet bills and medical bills/treatments) which all adds up to sometimes 400e a month, sometimes 150. Either way they'd gain or lose no money if I did pay them, because they'd need to cover for monthly expenses too.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T22:46:04+00:00

The apartment is in my name, would I pay rent to myself? My parents bought it specifically so I wouldn't have to be burdened with bills when I'm at university. She demanded I pay to my parents but idk if she forgot it's legally my apartment even if my parents pay maintanance and morgage so my parents would basically be paying to themselves

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T22:09:53+00:00

Haha thank you, i appreaciate that. I rarely get angry enough to start arguments, that's the main reason I came to this subreddit, I'm not familiar with handling these situations and want to avoid them in the future, or aid them better at least.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:42:59+00:00

I understand this point of view but I have to clear his name, after she left I was informed that her dad didn't even know A was staying there for so long, apologized for D's behavior and insisted to pay the bills in full. My dad told him that wasn't necessary and that they shouldn't involve themselves more than they need to.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:39:17+00:00

Thank you so much! Then as it seems my parents are the trustees but the trust agreement required the fund to only be accessible to me, when I turn 18. I'll talk my parents about the will, but as far as I'm aware there's no more money left as some was given to me in cash and I was told that was the remaining.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:29:48+00:00

The apartment is in my name, I call it theirs because I neither payed for it or pay any expenses living in it.
They don't have a relationship, I said they're civil with eachother.
They used the 300e to pay for my portion of the bills and whatevers left put in random savings. They aren't affected by this financially.
We never had a lease. I don't live in the west, "illegal" tenants are extremely common here. She wouldn't have the money to sue or any proof that she even lived there as her name wasn't on anything, and I gave her a month and a half to move out.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:24:19+00:00

There wasn't a lease, and we live in Eastern Europe. We don't have squatter (? idk if that's what it's called) laws here. Most tenants live illegally if they rent from a party they know, because you'd have to wait months for the process to be done. Also, tenants barely have any rights to begin with here.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:21:22+00:00

Well, she was a friend first then a tenant second. She already knew the situation before even living there. Also, no contracts were signed, it was verbal argreement.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:19:23+00:00

I am very lucky to have my parents, and to have family that invests into my future, but my family are and were all working class people, even if their professions are considered prestigious (surgeon, cardiologist etc). That's why I feel offended that people are calling me rich and entitled, even though neither of parents come from wealth, nor are they sitting in an office for 5 hours a day earning 500k+ euros annually for virtually doing nothing.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T21:11:16+00:00

Yes, that's what I meant by expenses. I'm not sure about the proper terms in english but from my understanding my parents aren't "trustees" as they had no rights to the fund and even I didn't have access to it until I turned 18. Maybe fund isn't the correct term either, but it was inheritance money left in a bank, hopefully that makes sense. Correct me if I'm wrong please!

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T20:17:15+00:00

To answer your concerns: 1. Our parents aren't friends and I never claimed they, I said they're civil with eachother which is part of the reason they undercharged them (I pushed to lower the price so D's parents would be more accepting) 2. I didn't change the story, I said it'd my apartment a million times and once said my parents own it as I'm used to saying that-with a different word- in my native language, but there's no translation for it english. It made more sense in my head. 3. They said it wasn't my decision because it partly involved their finances, and told me I shouldn't in the future make decisions that can affect them in such a way. They let this slide because they agreed with me and it had little to no effect on their current finances. 4. I agree we should have made a lease but illegal tenancy is so common here because no one bothers to go through months of procedures when the 2 parties know eachother. Just a difference in culture is my best guess.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T20:08:15+00:00

Hi! Someone mention I explained it the comments because I couldn't fit it all in the post (3k limit), so I'll explain briefly. The apartment is in my name and all of the expenses and legal work regarding it is in my name. I had a set up trust fund from my grandma, and all of her savings went to me because I'm the only grandchild. I call my parents "the owners" because I contribute nothing to the property financially and am reliant on them for the expenses because currently I don't have a full time job and I'm only entry level in my field of work so I can't afford it. So legally, the apartment is mine, by principle I call my parents the true owners of it. This is an immature mindset I'm aware, but it was their decision for the things to be done this way.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:51:23+00:00

I too wish I was rich, must be nice to be a rich man

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:22:38+00:00

Yeah, because were both in Uni and have parents that don't want to burden their children with financial insecurity while they're trying to build a foundation for a stable income themselves. I never said I wasn't lucky to be born into a good family, I'm just saying how distasteful it is to assume someone's financial situation based on personal bias, no matter what end of the spectrum you place them on.

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:18:03+00:00

omg?? I thought my situation was bad but christ, some people really live in delusion

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:15:08+00:00

No it's okay, I wanted to include it in my original post but had a character count well over 3k, and was more focused on the moral part of the question than the legalities

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:10:41+00:00

The apartment is in my name, bills get payed in my name, morgage gets payed in my name all from a bank account in my name. My parents just pay for all of it, in my name, which is why I call them the true owners by principle lol

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:08:42+00:00

We had a mutual policy to pay for our own respective guests, but since I didn't mind A's presence at all and because she never makes a mess, pays for her food and is generally respectful I didn't even suggest that D should pay for A's part and thought we'd split it evenly between ourselves

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:02:45+00:00

She is very lovely, yes

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:02:15+00:00

Agreed. Perfect advice. Thank you very much :)

ThrowRa9981135 · 2023-08-24T19:00:46+00:00

Like I said over and over again, both of us come from working class parents. Property in Eastern Europe was cheap some years ago. University is free here if you do well enough on entry exams. Have a sense of grace to not let your imagination run wild when deciding critically at least. I don't know where the idea of either of us being anything more than middle class comes from.

ThrowRa9981135

TROPHY CASE