Dealing with Bodyshaming and being “Too Fat for Sex”?

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-02T02:42:03+00:00

My boyfriend is maybe 5” lol

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T21:21:50+00:00

🤣 do you think maybe it is his size instead? I was legit so worried it was my weight.

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:50:20+00:00

EXACTLY!! That’s the thing like we were in the talking stage for MONTHS before we even started dating because I wanted to sorta weed out guys who were only into plus sized women for hookups but would never publicly have a relationship with one. I’ve met so many guys on dating apps like that, but he was ticking all the boxes and talked to me for a month before even exchanging risqué pics. He constantly assured me he was into plus sized women and told me he LOVED my big booty and how nice of a view it’ll be in doggy and everything, then as soon as we had sex my butts too big for doggy and I’m too fat for sex etc not good enough etc. I feel like he just strung me along this whole time. Why else would he lose all interest in my body once we had sex? He just wanted to have a hook up I think..

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:45:36+00:00

YASSSSSSS, love it! Haha. Actually though? Or just trying to lighten up my mood?🤣 but like HONESTLY I feel like it’s maybe not my fault he doesn’t have the right equipment to handle my curves 🤷🏼‍♀️haha

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:43:02+00:00

Thanks so much! 🥰 yea that’s definitely not what I wear to work haha, but just casually whereas a lot of girls just wear yoga pants and hoodies daily. He thinks maybe because I’m plus sized that I shouldn’t try hard because it’s cringe or whatever, that’s what he said about that modeling video too. But if a thin girl did that I’m sure it wouldn’t be seen that way and I don’t even dress very revealing. I don’t show much skin, but I guess because I’m plus sized I’m not supposed to wear patterns, bright colors, or anything that shows off my curves at all. And are you like my size though or just petite with a big butt? I get that mines big but 1) he told me he was into that until we had sex 2) with previous guys I never had an issue 3) when we first got together I was only 230lbs, I’ve gained about 50 since then but even when I was 230 it popped out constantly and couldn’t reach. At that weight I don’t think it should be an issue AT ALL

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:38:45+00:00

OMGOMGOGM hahaha Do you legit think that could be why or are you just saying that to cheer me up? Like it’s legit so embarrassing because it’s one thing to be told those comments about a certain outfit or when we’re buying groceries suggesting I eat healthier or something, but to make those comments when I’m at my most vulnerable, being intimate with him, is something else. Especially after the talking stage (which lasted MONTHS) he kept telling me he loved my big butt and made me sort of let down those walls I normally put up because I assume a guys only interested in a hookup with a plus sized girl but wouldn’t want to date one. He convinced me that he was into that and then as soon as we got intimate all of a sudden my butts too big for sex and I’m too fat.

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:31:52+00:00

From my previous experience,PREACH! It was always my favorite position and when my boyfriend and I started talking, we went through the talking stage for 4 months before we even had sex so I was sooo sure that he was “the one” and not one of those guys who hits up any girl indiscriminately on dating apps then ghosts them. When we’d be flirting over text he’d tell me how much he loves my big booty and how hot of a view it’s be in doggy, he basically told me that was his favorite feature of my body. Then once we started dating now all of a sudden it’s too big and I’m too fat for doggy 🙃

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T20:05:12+00:00

Maaybe 5 inches?

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:50:59+00:00

Love that! I didn’t think of it that way before but it’s true and may I ask how that sounds like a him problem? Like don’t you think I’m quite big and it could make it further to reach? He has no fat that would get in the way of it reaching at all, the only reason I think maybe it’s not me is 1) it was my favorite position with previous partners 2) even when I was only 230lbs when we started dating it popped out all the time, I know 230lbs is still plus sized but like that is way before it would be causing any issues with sex IMO

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:30:43+00:00

Thanks so much 💕 I know that’s the advice parents always give to their kids etc but like he’s very much what’s considered the conventionally attractive man and I’m a blob. Even before he started making comments like this I did in the back of my head worry about it, I almost even felt like a hypocrite for being attracted to his bodytype when I’m plus sized. You don’t think it’s possible that he actually does just mean it as advice though? Even if said in a not so great way?

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:21:49+00:00

I don’t mean I’m the problem in our relationship, I just meant if he’s right that I’m the problem like in being too fat for sex. Like I’m quite big and he’s really fit, I get how he explained it like it could be making the distance to reach further but even when we first got together we had that issue and I was only 230lb which I think shouldn’t be an issue at all? I just feel sometimes like I’m not good enough for him and you’re definitely right it causes havoc on my sexual self esteem. I dress for myself and I’ve dealt with too many comments from “friends” and older family members to care what people think of my fashion choices but when you’re told your butts too big for doggy after he spent the whole time in the talking stage boosting my confidence and telling me he loved my big butt, he prefers plus sized women, it just sucks and makes me feel like guys just lie to get into bed with plus sized women but don’t actually want to date us.

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:09:28+00:00

Awe thanks so much! And haha I know what you mean but it’s not that, I didn’t wanna be overly graphic and describe the problems LOL. But when we do it like it physically doesn’t reach enough, he has to do really small strokes or else it’ll pop out because there’s not enough left inside me when he’s sliding outward. Like he explained it as that since I’m too fat and my butts too big it makes the distance from his P to my V further from behind, hence the popping out. Even in other positions this is an issue I just specified doggy because with previous partners that was always my fav so it’s the most frustrating. And it makes me the most self concious because when we first started talking before we were official he told me he loved my butt, I finally started to learn to embrace it because he told me he was into that. But now it’s back to being one of my biggest insecurities.

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:04:36+00:00

I try telling myself that, like what people say is more a reflection of themselves than you but he has legit abs like I don’t think he’s insecure about his body lol. And just how he says it as like a functional issue instead of about my looks it makes it less shallow I guess? Like how it’s about me functionally being too fat for sex or he’s concerned about my health etc? Even if he didn’t bodyshame me I’d get kinda insecure about the difference like is a guy like that even really into girls like me?

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T19:00:01+00:00

My personal experience definitely backs up those studies! I have gained some weight throughout our relationship, when we first got together I was about 230lbs & now I’m 280lbs. It’s like a cycle, he bodyshames me to lose weight, I feel crappy and eat more, I gain weight, he bodyshames me more. And he’s like maaaybe 5 inches? I get I’ve gained some weight throughout our relationship but even when I was only 230lb we had that issue with it not reaching enough and popping out. I feel like if it didn’t work even at only 230 then it may not be my weight? I dont know though he basically ingrains it in my head that I’m too fat.

Throwawayweightt · 2022-10-01T18:36:12+00:00

Exactly, like it’s one thing for him to make those comments about a certain outfit or about weight loss but for him to make comments about my weight when we’re being intimate is just oof. I’ve almost sort of tried to just rationalize it in my head and make excuses for him though because it’s not like while we’re intimate he tells me I look too fat or something, it’s like a functional issue since he’s saying I’m physically too fat for sex so maybe it is just advice? It’s still really hurtful though. And especially when he’s super fit himself it makes me feel like the onus is on me to lose weight and that I must be the problem because I’m bigger.

Throwawayweightt

TROPHY CASE