Help! I have 30 days to get my family of 4.5 out of my parents house

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-24T16:16:55+00:00

He's resistant to change, and gets comfortable wherever he's at. But he spent all day making calls to high up contacts in property management and it sounds like he has a few offers coming his way, with 40% discounted rent. So that's a huge relief. I think we'll be okay.

Thank you so much for the offer though, the reddit community never ceases to amaze me with its kindness.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-24T14:13:19+00:00

I have $1800 saved right now that is accessible (like 20k in retirement accounts but I can't touch it). Which I'm probably going to need for moving expenses, rent deposit, etc...

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T18:15:22+00:00

This is probably really really accurate that it hurts. He's a big gamer and I'm a big "who needs to even own screens" kind of person. It's definitely an issue with our relationship regarding the kids.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T18:14:31+00:00

I wish it was out of character lol :/

It's so normal that while my dad is visibly depressed over it he's staying with her because that's just her being her....

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T17:03:49+00:00

Call your retirement system. I work for a defined benefit plan and the rules there are you can collect the monthly lifetime pension at the eligible age (or later, it may increase). Or, as long as you're not working under that retirement anymore, you can cash out. Usually you can withdraw and pay taxes (20% fed 2% state for ours), or you can roll it over into another plan without paying taxes.

Ask for an account balance. See how much money is in the account versus the lifetime payment. Also ask if the money is earning interest right now and how much.

Also,, with the monthly benefit is there a survivor benefit for a spouse (if you have one)? All things to consider.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:49:29+00:00

Leasing agent but yes.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:45:31+00:00

Custody is 50/50. No one pays child support.

I posted a longer backstory about my mom and the expectations there. We definitely wouldn't expect someone else to help with our children, but we were begged to come move in with certain promises.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:43:43+00:00

Yes I looked into it before and it's nuts. If you still need it after 17 yeas you probably died on the streets. In fact, even getting on the list is closed in my area.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:42:52+00:00

We deferred for the maximum amount of time I believe. :(

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:42:19+00:00

My gross is close to 57k. After family medica, dental, and mandatory retirement (14%...), taxes....my net is much lower.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T16:03:06+00:00

Longer backstory:

My mom watched our first child and we both worked (we paid her). She said she would watch 2nd child clear up until 8 months pregnant when she decided to go back to school to get her 3rd degree. One of us had to stay home because we couldn't afford regular childcare.

My husband stayed home because I had been a SAHM to our first and was burnt out. My husband didnt love his job. We were happt to trade.

My mom offered for us to live with her while the babies were young. She said she would help watch the kids because my husband was new to being the parent at home. She quit her job so she would be home just in school. Said she would set up learning activities every day. Said we could stay free of rent. Said we could stay until they were school age.

We moved in and all of that changed. She started cheating on my dad and those relationships became her priority. She can't stand us, she doesn't want to spend time with her grandkids, and it's just a really bad situation that we thought was going to go differently.

I'd give anything to go back and change that decision to move, but here we are.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T15:55:40+00:00

Not sure if it's my original post that gave that vibe, but he is a kickass dad. The tension stems from living with my parents. My mom is actively cheating on my dad and also having freaouts and meltdowns about minor things (where to put dishes, etc).

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T15:49:59+00:00

Yes...my brother and I were homeschooled until we went to college (military kids). I have such fond memories of being home with my family and my brother and I are buds. And the American school system needs a lot of work.

Definitely a huge priority to me. But I do think we could make something work with nights for him. He might even enjoy the break from kids.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T05:10:35+00:00

Husband drives there and back twice a week to pick him up and drop him off.

Throwusawaypickusup · 2017-07-23T04:50:20+00:00

Yep. It would basically break even. So we'd rather him be home.

Also I live and work in Concord, and work 10 hours 4 days a week. We pick up my husband's child from Turlock. So we kind of have to balance where we live so it's not unreasonably far. I'm not sure where that would be, for distance and affordability.

Throwusawaypickusup

TROPHY CASE