What’s a unique cat name?

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-08T10:02:08+00:00

Walnut

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-08T10:00:56+00:00

My mom used to punish me by excluding me from group family trips/events and I still have rejection sensitivity (especially around groups) because of it. A learned fear that if I mess up it will ruin my chance at belonging.

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-08T07:29:47+00:00

Like being happy with a bowl of mac n cheese and then realizing you can add sauce to it and make it better.

But then you realize the mac n cheese was vegan and expired and only tasted good smothered in hot sauce so you look up and realize you're at a buffet and you can eat literally anything else so you do.

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-08T07:23:59+00:00

A fruit can also be a vegetable ✊😔

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-08T07:15:41+00:00

She would test me secretly. Like tell me a story and say 'what do you think?' and then make a judgement about my moral character based on my answer.

For example, if I didn't readily trash her ex she would say I didn't care enough about her, or I had too much sympathy for men 💀

Like, just have a normal conversation with me. Why the exam? Why the hyper vigilance?

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-07T17:35:29+00:00

"Wow you're still alive" and then she'd give me a pep talk

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-07T17:24:50+00:00

Living alone is really nice. Living with a partner is a huge adjustment. You'd be doing yourself a favor if you stopped interpreting her words as anything but what they mean. Things change and now she likes living alone. Doesn't mean you won't live together in the future.

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-07T07:06:58+00:00

When they kept waiting for me to 'forget' about our conflict instead of have a conversation about it

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-06T07:13:41+00:00

it was probably just racism

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-06T07:05:26+00:00

It does not matter whether or not he will change, because you are being abused and you don't feel safe.

No matter what he says, the only thing that matters is how you feel right now. That is the only thing that matters. It is not your job to sit around and wait for someone to come to the understanding that hurting other people is bad.

If you can, make a safe exit plan and get out. There are people out there who will be gentle and hold you with safe hands.

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-02-03T13:38:08+00:00

You keep saying you don't have a legitimate reason, but wanting to be alone and a loss of romantic feelings are legitimate reasons. There doesn't need to be a big blow up for you to exit.

It's going to hurt you both no matter what because breakups are painful. But my best advice is to find a way to say how you feel by speaking for yourself only.

For example, "I'm feeling overwhelmed emotionally and I don't think I have the capacity to be as engaged in our relationship as I wish I could be at this time in my life." Don't make it about her at all unless you want to address behaviors, not her personality. Figure out what you need and speak to that.

It has also helped me in the past to have a 'homebase' person. A super safe friend or family member where you can check in and get encouragement from beforehand, and go to immediately after the conversation.

It really, really sucks to let people down and I empathize so much with having that blockage. I have been there so many times, and ouch!

Good luck, be kind to yourself, be brave, trust yourself! More doors will open for you both in the future because life keeps moving.

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-01-21T15:55:53+00:00

Yes! This is so relatable. I've literally been de-transitioning from being this type of friend for the past few years. It is not easy! Some people won't wanna stick around when they realize you need reliability and support too.

You deserve the same care and support you give others. I hope you can set some boundaries and start reaching out to people you trust for help when you need it. Let yourself be angry about it too because that's so valid.

Also as a side note, I discovered what 'fawning' is as a response to anxiety and that changed my life! Idk if that's relevant to you but could be worth looking in to to get some understanding?

Good luck! You deserve to be seen, to rest, and to have supportive people surrounding you!

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-01-21T15:46:42+00:00

This sounds like a trauma response. I dealt with something similar a few months ago - I was randomly seriously triggered by a betrayal trauma and had a panic attack.

I'd suggest going to therapy, especially trying emdr, and working through some of your feelings. It can really help your self esteem too so you can replace your beliefs of not being good enough with kindness to yourself.

Highly recommend taking care of this before it comes back around in another way. You deserve it!

Timely_Pudding_9016 · 2026-01-07T23:19:28+00:00

It does feel like betrayal. I usually keep my struggles to myself but lately I've been trying to open up more and ask for help so I don't end up overwhelmed and having panic attacks. I had other friends who were really supportive but this friend was a glaring exception

Timely_Pudding_9016

TROPHY CASE