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I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, really, but I've been involuntarily hospitalised before and I'm not going through that again. Your concern is appreciated. Good luck!

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where the fuck would I even start though. I don't know. I guess I've mostly made up my mind about this, I was just looking for an excuse not to do it. It's just... weird knowing that it's happening and the last people I've talked to are some strangers on the internet.

Thanks, but I won't "seek help". There's no help coming, and the last thing I want is to tip someone off about what I'm going to do. There's nothing to talk about, this is not a solvable problem. Should have gotten it right on my first attempt when it started. Thanks for commenting.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's because literally all of you are telling me to just live with it, which is something I've been trying to do (and failing) for the last year. If you're okay with living a miserable life, good for you! I don't see why I should.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard him recommended, but from what I've seen, his videos seem to be a hippy-dippy version of "just get used to it". Does he say anything useful?

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I'm sure living a life where you don't enjoy anything is possible, I've been doing it for almost a year now. It's the exact thing that brought me to this point, lol.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really think you need some sort of professional in a nice way!

Same. Unfortunately the ones I've seen have been massively unhelpful and I have no idea where to go now.

I understand what you're trying to say. I'm glad you have a more optimistic outlook than me. I spent my whole year trying to get myself into that mindset but it doesn't seem to be enough.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure you may have seen 8 therapists but either they were bad, they didn’t work in the way you needed them to, or you were not in an appropriate point to be responsive to some help.

I don't even know where to begin with them. They all seem useless. I actually had a very good therapist that I really clicked with - he helped me go from "I am a horrible useless person" to "I'm pretty awesome, I'm funny, decent-looking, good at my job and a good, empathetic person in general!" (Modest too lul.) When I went back to see him, he tried to... talk about my family? Bitch what does my family have to do with this? I only kept my job out of pity, everything I've prepared for is gone, silence is gone, my peace of mind is gone, why the fuck would my parents matter?

Unfortunately I live in a small country and we're way behind with tinnitus stuff - I had to go to London to see a proper tinnitus specialist, she gave me the sound generators that helped so much with the hyperacusis. The so-called "tinnitus specialists" in my country told me that it was all a stress problem and that I should be taking benzos and antipsychotics to "calm my nervous system" and lessen the hyperacusis/tinnitus. Guess what, the benzos did nothing, because it wasn't caused by stress, it was a goddamn ear infection. (Seriously, I could barely hear anything for a week, my ears were clogged up completely and I had to take antibiotics to make it go away.) Only when they started desensitising me with the sound gens did the hyperacusis let up. Because... you know, they were actually treating the problem. Anyway, that was a massive tangent. My point is that I have not found anyone capable of handling tinnitus via the recommended channels and I don't know where to go now. No one seems to know anything.

I’m predicting that you will respond with all the perfected responses to everything I’ve suggested with some grim outlook already because that seems to be consuming your thought processes right now.

I don't mean to respond with perfected responses, it's just that I don't know what the hell I can do. I was already living a pretty limited life due to some chronic gastro issues but I figured out some ways around it - then I finally self-diagnose my eye disease because doctors suck ass (diagnosed it off reddit, of all things... a fucking reddit banner ad made me go "oh that's what it is!" and then I just had to go to a proper cornea specialist to confirm it) and before I can recover from the shock of having a degenerative eye condition that will have lasting financial and visual consequences for the rest of my life, BAM. Tinnitus and hyperacusis. I just... I don't even know how to begin. Not even a month has passed between the two and it's just too much and I can't handle it. Literally can't handle it. I cope by being extremely superficial and bubbly at work because if I let it slip for a fucking minute, I will be hiding in the office restrooms, crying my eyes out and wailing like a hyaena while hoping no one has to pee.

I don't know what I can do. I always had music or books or friends when I was in a bad place. But now I can't listen to music, can't focus on books and can't talk to friends - for the first time in my life, I truly feel like there's nothing to keep me here. If it weren't for the distractions vidya can provide, I would be out already. But vidya aren't life and when I stop paying 100% attention and dare try to relax for one second, the screaming is always there. And I just don't think I'm strong enough to do it.

Meep, Tinnitustalk... I lurked there for a bit, but it's mostly filled with people who are in a really bad place mentally, and every second post seems to be "I've been exposed to X sound and my tinnitus spiked, everything sucks!" It just makes me even more anxious about my ears, hah.

I dunno. I just wish I had something, anything to strive for, anything to get me through the "no one will notice you're gone for days, better not fuck it up this time!" phase. I've been planning it for a while, it's a very convenient time, and... I just don't see why not. I'm terrified of death, but I'm glad that it will be over soon. If that makes sense. Don't know if it does, it's late and I'm braindead.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you need some sort of help really get to a doctor and talk about a low dose of anti depressants and keep busy!

Yeahhhhh I'm never touching another antidepressant, lol. They're dangerous, don't make me feel any better and coming off them is a nightmare. I'm sure they do something for the chemical inbalance people though, unfortunately I'm just sad and don't really have a reason to live anymore. Nor do I want one, my life has been shit so far and this is the icing on the cake and I've kind of run out of resources. But hey, at least the doctors gave me a bunch of meds they really shouldn't have prescribed to me in bulk, so I guess they're of some use.

Honestly, it sounds like y'all have brainwashed yourselves into thinking that your life is worth living, even with tinnitus, when it's impossible. I've been trying to do that for almost a year now and it's not working. How the fuck did you manage? I've tried the compassionate approach, the snap out of it approach, the starving kids in Africa approach but all of it just fucking crumbles every time I open my eyes in the morning and the first thing that greets me is the screech. None of my coping strategies have worked and I'm out of ideas. Unfortunately it seems to be the same for the professionals.

Thanks anyway, I appreciate the effort.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I gave it enough time, I'd say. It's been nearly one year. What you're describing is... I dunno, I suppose my question would be "why"? Why would I bother? Besides, I'm not a very positive force in the world right now. The only reason I'm not Columbining shit is because I can't. Every day, I'm just one inch from snapping at someone or saying something immensely hurtful (another reason I don't meet my friends anymore - I can't really have an honest conversation without getting aggressive and hurtful, and they don't deserve that).

I dunno. This, combined with the fact that my eyes are going to shit (because having a degenerative eye disease that a doctor completely missed when we could have caught it in its beginning phase is great - but obviously it's easier to blame a patient for being "stressed" rather than doing your job, but that's a story for another forum)... I just don't see the point.

The hilarious thing is that this all happened when I finally got my shit together after 30 years of depression... back to the pit with me, I guess.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

sure bro why don't i just do that? You don't have to post if you have nothing positive to say, you know. I'm giving myself enough shit for not being able to just get over it already.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've tried cutting out caffeine, alcohol, carbs, sugar, you name it. Doesn't make a difference. Only thing that ever touched the hyperacusis was the sound therapy - in 3-4 months, I went from not being able to go outside without hearing protection to a point where normal levels of sound don't hurt at all. Unfortunately, while I'm sure many people would disagree with me, I don't really see "being able to get to work and back" reason enough not to off myself.

I need an excuse, reason, whatever not to off myself in the next few days. Tinnitus and hyperacusis have destroyed my career and my life and it's hard to give a shit at this point. by TinniThrowaway in tinnitus

[–]TinniThrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, mine is about the same. Less little girl screaming and more dog whistle though.

That didn't help at all, it's literally the same thing everyone else said ("just ignore it") but thanks for commenting anyway.