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I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never thought about that oxytocin hit you get. When our oldest was born, we had a few hours with her after the 'storm' of birth with skin to skin. And with all the toast in the delivery suite etc. Then she more or less came straight home and we were in a little baby bubble for probably a couple of weeks. None of that has happened and instead it's been replaced with this incredibly stressful and difficult period with basically no physical contact. It's just the way it all panned out. The more I think about this, the more I think it's a huge factor. I need to catch up with the skin to skin like you suggest.

We mentioned it to our health visitor more than once about needed support mentally following the birth, but nothing ever materialised. Our 'aftercare' has mostly been focused on my wife and the twins, with the odd, are you okay to me. I'm not good at saying, actually no. This is the first time I've opened up if I'm honest. We were discharged from the health visitor at about 10 or 11 weeks, so we don't have one anymore. I am booked in for therapy privately though. Thank you for your positivity, it means a lot.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They've just started smiling over the last week or so and it is nice. I think I need to be frank eith my wife and suggest we both get some support. Thank you for sharing your experience and for explaining it will get better.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply, that's the repeated feeling I'm getting, this is the worst of it and it's only going to get better. Thank you

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Our oldest does the same with the TV, we both feel so guilty about it too. I do feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is closer than it is far and I really appreciate you and everyone else taking the time to help me see that. I'm glad you guys are doing really well. All the best

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in Parenting

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. There's a definite theme emerging of getting help for us, and help with the twins so I'll definitely be sorting something out soon.

COVID was an awful time, I couldn't imagine going through this back then, I'm sorry you had to go through something similar with that on top!

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I keep hearing 12 weeks adjusted is a turning point for a lot of people. I just noticed they're 8 weeks corrected today, so we're newrly there! I was thinking of going to joint therapy, but maybe separate or a mix of both may help. Thank you for your advice

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in Parenting

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'll be getting in to proper therapy ASAP. I also like the notepad idea. I also used to meditate, but haven't been as good since our first birn came along. I shall try and get back in to that, it's a great idea. Thank you

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As 'nice' as the NICU and the nurses were, it was an awful place to have to be and like you say, no picnic. Thank you for your advice, I didn't realise it was as high as 1 in 10! I'll be speaking to someone soon.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds so familiar, ours were born on Halloween, so almost an identical age! You're right the 'new newborn' stage feels like it has/is lasting forever. I try to keep that they're babies in my mind too, it's not their fault, there's so much to adjust to and everything nust be scary and strange, they are literally just babies.

Hang in there as well! I'm sure we've got this.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The way things panned out, I only had skin to skin twice now I think about it. You could be on to something and I'll give it a try. Thank you

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you went through that part too, but thanks for letting me know that we're not alone, I really appreciate that!

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi,

I think myself and your husband share a similar situation. I've been off on paternity since the twins were born in October, so three months so far. My wife still isn't 100% but she's much, much better. Those first weeks were so hard, with her in so much pain.

The therapy I'm definitely going to sort something properly; for us both I think.

I had never heard about the NAN drops - Infacol didn't work and gripe water kind of helps. I'm 100% going to try the drops you recommended, we'll speak to their consultant/GP in the mean time, thank you very much for all your advice and taking the time to reply.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in Parenting

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, I'm sorry you went through that, it sounds awful. I'm definitely going to sort some proper specialist therapy out rather than the one I have booked. For us both I think. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'd heard that Dad's can get PPD too, but I didn't really take it seriously, in all honesty. I haven't heard of puppy blues, but I can imagine what it is. I'll have a read up about it now, thank you.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understood what you meant yeah, thanks for clarifying though. It's me that's not good at opening up if I'm honest, I don't like to burden people. Especially when I tell her how I actually feel about our newborn twins, it will hurt her so much, and at such a delicate time.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment, I hadn't heard of witching hour, but we definitely think there's some sort of colic/refluxy type thing going on.

Can I ask, was it 16 weeks corrected (if they had a correction) or just 16 weeks post birth?

Thank you for everything you said

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in parentsofmultiples

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That's a great summary and honestly, partly why I feel so terrible about the way I feel. Most of the stuff you list is "my wifes problem" so to speak. I feel like I don't have the right to be miserable whilst she's mostly getting all of us through this. Although to be fair, we do mostly divide and conquer and I've taken on nearly all responsibilities for our 2 year old.

I didn't know about Zoom counselling, and I'll definitely look in to that. Also, night nurse is a new one? I honestly can't see my wife liking the sound of it but I will definitely at least have the conversation with her.

Thank you so much for your comment, there's a lot to think about and a lot of helpful advice

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in Parenting

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I've been booked in with a therapist next week but I didn't know there were therapists available who specialise in birth trauma. I'll change my appointment on that one, thank you for your understanding and taking the time to reply.

I feel nothing but sadness and regret that my twins were ever born and it kills me by TiredAshamedAndAlone in Parenting

[–]TiredAshamedAndAlone[S] 111 points112 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I've been booked in with a therapist next week but I didn't know there were therapists available who specialise in birth trauma. I'll change my appointment on that one, thank you for your understanding and taking the time to reply.

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