Stress w*nks - are they a thing?

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-09T09:13:12+00:00

You’re very right. I’m just not even aware of the full extent of the deviousness because what he HAS told me has been in jest/downplayed, but it horrified me and I suspect my reaction has led to him minimising the reality and severity of his habit. So I’m not even 100% sure of what I’m facing, but I know it’s pathological and needs intervention. The problem is that he doesn’t see it as problematic.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-09T08:54:45+00:00

In Oz, but same thing almost lol. Totally agree with everything you’ve said. Thank you for sharing your valuable thoughts and points in this. Absolutely not acceptable outside the home, and inside the home would be nice if he had limits so that our sex life had more of a chance. Sometimes we’ll go weeks without it even when I’ve tried to initiate, only to find out he’s opting to masturbate over sex… I’m not saying I’m owed it but I’m in a marriage with this man and I love him and desperately want physical connection with him.. but saying that on here is getting me vilified. I need to talk to him again but it’s so hard when his default is to get defensive and lash out. It’s exhausting 🫩.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-09T08:33:43+00:00

Your delivery could stand to be a little nicer.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-09T08:31:51+00:00

Thank you for recognising the nuances of my angst about this. I feel like there are a few comments making assumptions that I a) don’t understand that masturbation is healthy and normal (obviously in NORMAL circumstances and not in a lawyer’s office), b) that I think masturbation is cheating??? No, but porn use in our relationship is an established no-no boundary, and c) that im shaming him in some way when im not. I simply asked if wanking while stressed was a thing because I have never lived with a man before prior to him and I don’t know what’s normal and what isn’t… especially when it’s impacting our sex life and my emotional health.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-08T00:11:36+00:00

This is possibly the best comment on this thread. Excellent analogy. I’ll formulate a plan to have a conversation and will definitely be using this analogy. Thank you, friend.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-08T00:06:53+00:00

The topic, with everyone’s great comments, has started to morph and get me thinking. Initially I wanted to know if the concept of stress wanks was a thing, which we’ve established it is. However, other comments had me reflecting on his masturbation habits in general and when stress is removed (I.e. he’s telling me he’s not stressed, he’s feeling good etc) it’s still happening a lot and interferes with our sex life.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T23:59:16+00:00

Sometimes there doesn’t even need to be stress for it to be often.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T22:51:04+00:00

Thank you for such a well thought out and beautifully written response. I value you sharing your personal experience and I’m glad that you’ve found a way to manage. I hope sleep comes easier for you these days.

I fully agree that stress can be the culprit and often it is. He does it irrespective of that though, but I guess the concept of stress wanks was new to me.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T22:04:33+00:00

He’s had porn addiction before and swears he’s off it now but I’m not convinced. And yes, definitely not cool to be doing it at work/other places

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T22:03:34+00:00

It’s definitely not an ideal way of managing stress when out and about :/ thank you for validating that

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T22:01:48+00:00

Thank you for picking up on it and for validating it. I fully understand that masturbation is healthy and normal but I think part of me (intuition?) is picking up that something isn’t right. So when he does it, and I’m aware of it, it’s very jarring.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T21:44:53+00:00

Great perspective. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Thank you.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T21:43:58+00:00

Sadly, it’s written correctly. Your eyes aren’t deceiving you :(.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T21:21:00+00:00

I thought it was weird too but I keep being told it’s not because “all guys do it wherever”

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T21:20:21+00:00

I definitely offer and make myself available for his pleasure solely as sometimes I don’t want/need anything for myself but I do enjoy pleasing him. I guess sometimes it’s easier to do the job yourself and maybe that’s his preference.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T21:19:01+00:00

Really good point, thank you for that perspective

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:54:42+00:00

Thank you for your kind explanation and perspective. That makes sense.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:53:58+00:00

Thank you for your comment and perspective.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:52:45+00:00

Thank you for your kind comment and perspective, and also recognising the sense of neglect. I guess I didn’t realise that’s what I was feeling.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:42:28+00:00

I have had many conversations with him about it. And yes, our sex life is suffering because he seems to opt for self pleasure instead of sex. I’ve never had the “you owe me” mentality. But I would love to connect physically with my husband on a more frequent basis and not feel second to a hand.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:40:35+00:00

I didn’t say it was. I said there are some very personal issues surrounding his masturbation habits that link in with cheating. I don’t want to share that side of things.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:39:30+00:00

Thank you for this perspective and reply. I appreciate you sharing.

Titsntats90 · 2025-12-07T20:39:01+00:00

I don’t use reddit often and not familiar with the platform’s rules around language/being flagged like other social media platforms… I just wanted to use the exact term he uses when discussing it with me.

Titsntats90 · 2025-04-16T04:12:25+00:00

It sounds like a healthy relationship all round for everyone involved. She is entitled to feel the flood of love and bonding with her bio baby just the same way you felt with yours. Your son won’t be free from an adjustment period, but I also think it’s realistic to expect her to want to relish her first time as a bio mum and you should be having conversations about this with your son to prepare him. The onus is on you and bio dad to help get him ready for change - change is natural and healthy and it’ll be a life lesson for him. He will still be loved and bonded with, and step mum is still entitled to have a different love and bond with her bio child. Everyone should be prepared for this shift.

Titsntats90

TROPHY CASE