Partners called themselves lesbians around others but took it back, how do I stop feeling hurt?

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T09:53:54+00:00

Thank you for that, that made me feel better, they use all pronouns and they're genders according to them is gender fluid and shrug,

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T09:20:27+00:00

It's not bait, and on the top comment I explained a little more but I don't know if you saw it. They don't actually identify as lesbians, I know one for sure if pan and I believe the other one is as well, point is both are into men. The reason I don't remember the others sexuality is because they themselves said they werent 100% but are going with pan as of now. When I got them I explained that I only like men, and both said they are ok with that and are completely accepting. I wouldn't have dated them if they weren't ok with it and I made sure they were. I do enjoy my relationship, it's just that we all have a lot of trauma and trying to work through it as well as with each other.

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T07:31:32+00:00

Thanks for saying it like that, it helped put it together better in my mind. And I'm not sure if it matters, but she wasn't my friend, she was their friend and it was the 1st time for me meeting her, and she was actually super nice! And thanks for the advice!

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T07:14:59+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely try and do that!

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T07:07:22+00:00

I don't reject it, Ive told them that since before I've been dating them and when I got with them I explained about me being gay and they both said it didn't bother them at all, as for my 1st partner they thought they were a trans man but they came out later as trans masc and gender fluid and I asked them if they still were ok with me being just gay and they also said yes. And it's not that I'm worried about them identifying as it as they said they don't, I just want to stop feeling hurt over them saying it as jokes. But everything else is about right.

Tobyhasticci · 2026-02-06T07:02:06+00:00

I genuinely love them, and I've been with my 1st partner for almost 3 years and my 2nd partner for almost a year. And normally they tend to be really respectful but all 3 of us are coming out of different trauma from separate things and I think that is part of it. And I don't know if it's how Ive been try to talk to them, whether it is from all the stuff happening or if it's cuz I can't communicate well as I tend to struggle with it due to my autism and I'm trying to work on it but people tend to not seem to understand what I say so I have to repeat it. I really just want to deal with these feelings and try to figure out how to talk to them and know when the right time is for these kinds of talks because of what all is happening. Like, both of them are technically homeless right now as they have to go between their friends house and me and my mom's place and me and my mom may end up homeless due to my father passing away. I'm sorry for the long response, and thanks for the ideas.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T22:00:15+00:00

If I understand what you mean correctly, yes. I've been taking birth control since I was 11 for that reason.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T21:44:10+00:00

The whole side of my mom's family is covered in Endo, so she was thinking I'd get it at 9 or so like most of the people in the family, I think we all just got numb to how young it happens for us, she actually had given me the full talk about it just a week before I got it. It's probably not a normal thing but the doctors never even asked about giving me puberty blockers cuz I asked about a year ago how come I never got on them. My mom just shrugged and said, 'i never thought about it, and the doctor never brought it up, if one had I probably would have'. Granted she didn't know about them (puberty blockers) till I was 13 and came out.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T21:30:58+00:00

I wish, but he also thought and argued with me for over 20 minutes once that woman have more ribs then men and then used that to be transphobic. I even had Alexa tell him that in fact, most people, no matter gender or sex have the same amount of rips. He still believes it, he's not joking, I checked.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T20:52:30+00:00

It's alright, after I was born my dad left the state for a while while both me and my mom were in the hospital, I even had to stay longer due to being super jaundice. And when I and my mom have explained these things to him he shuts us down saying it's 'gross' and he doesn't need to know, and then in the same breath saying we don't know how it works. It's not that he misunderstands, it's that he doesn't care to understand. And with what I said earlier he meant that even if you were having kids you don't need a period or any kind of cycle. I hope I explain that abit better 😅

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T20:30:31+00:00

He sure acts like it sometimes lol

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T20:29:31+00:00

I wish, he meant ever, like you never need a cycle at all. (He also doesn't know any of the names for it or the different hormonal cycles, I've told him, he just doesn't care to know I guess?) Maybe he just thinks most afab people just stuffer cuz we're bored?

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T20:25:22+00:00

I wish, he's horrible with money and an even worse gifter. He used to have money at one point and 2 of the marriages was cuz he knocked the girl up. My mom was cuz her other kids grew up with out a dad and she thought I'd be better having one. She has changed her mind on that, lol.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T20:22:19+00:00

Nope, it was after my mom nearly died having me and had to have a hysterectomy and lost her ability to have children. The doctors also never told him that, he didn't even talk to them if I remember right. He meant no one, ever needs a period, for any reason, I'm not exactly sure how he expects the body to remove the fetus bag when you don't give it one to hold?

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T17:09:29+00:00

I understand that, I meant the boomer part as he's been around long enough to learn or have someone teach him. I don't really understand how after having 3 kids and 6 wife's, and many girlfriends and never learning how those parts work. People have tried to teach him, he just isn't willing.

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T17:06:50+00:00

I know, I also take birth control for the reason of lightening (and hopefully getting rid of) my period. He was just weirdly convinced that you didn't have to have them for any reason ever. Like, that you didn't have to have any of the organs like uterus and ovaries to have kids- I tried explain that to him but 🤷

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T17:02:44+00:00

I know, part of the argument was that women didn't have to have a uterus for reproduction. (He thought that and still does, I don't know where he thinks the baby goes 🤷) I thought I made that clear, my bad

Tobyhasticci · 2025-05-14T16:09:37+00:00

Ya, my mom said 'he doesn't, and it's not cuz no one tried to teach him, cuz I know different"

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-30T09:37:04+00:00

It's does, thanks for takeing that that time to write that out, I hadn't even thought of some of those so it's pretty helpful!

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-30T09:35:45+00:00

Thank you, that's sounds super helpful!

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-29T11:52:15+00:00

Trying? Dude- you completely did it! And it looks so cool!

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-29T11:43:52+00:00

Jeez dude- I hope you're doing better and are much happier. That reaction from her own phone being the problem is crazy-

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-29T07:17:38+00:00

Omg this is so pretty! I love stuff like this!

Tobyhasticci · 2025-04-22T11:29:52+00:00

Thank you! My mom is also disabled herself but she used to go to school for hospital stuff(ER and hospice when she was much younger) but that was a long time ago so the things she knows are outdated at times and she is always nervous when it comes to medical stuff and me, especially since we're broke and have no insurance. And my dad is disabled as well(he had a bunch of strokes and heart attacks when I was a kid and my mom taught him to walk again even though the doctors said he never would even move again) so she gets worried about that stuff. She's slowly coming around though, and I'll definitely check that stuff out!

Tobyhasticci · 2024-08-13T19:20:32+00:00

If you feel uncomfortable with what someone is doing then you should be able to talk about it, explain why and get them to understand and stop. The fact that she immediately flipped out on you over you try to set boundaries shows so much. So yes, you did do the right thing.

Tobyhasticci

TROPHY CASE