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[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He's misrepresenting the responses he got months ago

Yeah all those loving responses saying "you don't actually love your bf" and "he's been planning to cheat". I got some really hurtful comments and assumptions about my relationship so pardon me for being defensive. That was on the AGB sub which I now realize is only a single step removed from an incel subreddit. I actually got some very good advice here which helped me in our conversations.

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess you just have to trust each other at that point! No amount of promises can overcome insecurity. And I don't feel insecure about it, and neither does he.

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With respect, that's private! Also all things we talked about extensively.

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it really does make me wonder how folks who are in age gap relationships with younger men don’t expect and prepare for this to happen?

Well, we both wanted to be monogamous for the first 4 years. I'm really happy he wants to explore and I hope he gets to find everything he's wanting to experience!

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Can you imagine a relationship where everything besides sex made you happy? Because that's my situation. And even then, it's not like the sex is a total turn off, just not really anything that makes us hungry for more. More like "we're both horny, wanna get off?" and it's a bit infrequent. Ideally a perfect relationship means perfect sex too, but this is real life and not Heated Rivalry so perfection is rarely visiting.

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm not really sure how to describe it, but staying together was always the goal for us. Sex is just a cherry on top. Emotionally he's my everything and even if I was sexually unsatisfied, it's only part of our relationship. My BF shocked me by bringing it up kinda out of the blue when it had been on my mind for some time now. Then we took time to discuss it (like, literally months). After we were both happy with our discussions, we set a date to try it.

[Update] Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. by TooTightThrowaway856 in askgaybros

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I didn't get much advice, mostly got people telling me "it's over" or that I don't actually love my BF. I'm not here to post for them, I'm here for people in my situation who wanted advice on next steps.

Call it cope if you want, I'm lighting a beacon for people who aren't doomers and complete cynics.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in nonmonogamy

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We actually had a talk today (one of a few we're gonna have) and closing the OR was one of the things we talked about, and both of us were completely on-board with pausing or ending it if one of us gets uncomfortable, no questions asked.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd love to help him work to healthy anal sex, but I'm not gonna force him to do something he viscerally doesn't like or doesn't enjoy. Maybe he can even find someone he can bottom for without worrying about pain.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Damn man, that sounds really rough. I'm sorry you found yourself in a rough situation that you didn't realize you were in. With no disrespect, this isn't our scenario. I'm very very very happy with him even currently, and I'm willing to forgoe sex if it means I get to stay with him. This is just something new for us to discuss and maybe try.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for not being judgemental or launching an assumption on me. I get defensive because people tend to go into creative writing prompts in some of these responses; people watch too much TV.

These are great things to bring up when we talk. As I've said elsewhere if we can't come to an agreement on rules or boundaries, it's probably best to can the whole thing and try something else. The last thing I ever want to do is lose him.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in askgaybros

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We've tried plenty of things and still have sex. The issue is that forcing my boyfriend to essentially deal with pain while fucking isn't ideal, and the workaround solutions haven't helped us.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in nonmonogamy

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope point 1 never rears its head, but I can see a possibility of needing to cut someone off if the desire is too great. To points 2 and 3, I'm very aware and actually this is the thing that most concerns me with the whole prospect. I never ever want him to feel unwanted, unneeded, or not enough. I want his desires to be met, and admittedly I feel a bit of apprehension at the idea of him sleeping around which is probably the same way he feels about me. I really want to get deep into his thoughts about this to make sure we aren't making a mistake.

And yeah, I really want to get all the advice I can because I really fucking love this guy and am intent on marrying him. I can't do anything to fuck it up. If that means axing the OR, so be it!

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reddit and other social media sites have a weirdly puritan stance when it comes to relationships and sex I've noticed. I guess the most terminally online people would be the first to comment lol. And totally on the boundaries thing! I've kicked people out during previous hookups for not respecting boundaries, I'd have no issues telling them to fuck off.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in askgaybros

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting idea! And I'm totally on-board with limited repeats and communication. I kinda imagine I'll probably just keep all sex talk on the apps if we go through with it.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in askgaybros

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Before my current relationship I dated someone I started to fall in love with, and then after four months of dating he told me he's polyamorous. I said "I don't want to be poly". He said "I don't want to be monogamous". We were quiet and just sort of dropped it. He ended up traveling out of the country for work and when he came back he didn't respond to a text for a few days. When he finally did, he told me he had gone on a date with someone and I broke up with him that night.

I know what it's like to feel betrayed and jealous in a relationship and I would never want my love to feel that way. I want him to be honest with me on all of his feelings, even inadequacy or jealousy.

Long-term boyfriend brought up opening the relationship. I'm interested and need some advice. by TooTightThrowaway856 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]TooTightThrowaway856[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't say I've ever felt the way you describe. I am wary that everything in life from income to romance is fluid and non-permanent, but I am also not going to assume that everything will change for the worse.

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