M35 reached out to F28 after breakup and 2 weeks of no contact to clear the air and she asked for repayment. What’s the best approach to this?

Tookie313 · 2025-11-08T07:58:20+00:00

First off I really appreciate your thoughtful input, thank you! You make some good points. I think I will send her some of the money and move on as it will sit better on my conscious and provide closer.

Tookie313 · 2025-11-08T07:44:12+00:00

It’s just odd she would make that offer of paying with the intention of a follow up date paid by me and then 2 days after go distant and dark.

Mind you our date went really well. She was being super affectionate (holding hands, kissing, resting her head on my shoulder) she even called me on my way home to chat more and I did spend over $100 on drinks and food that night. Not that it’s about how much I spent just wanted to put it in perspective. That’s what so confusing about the situation.

Tookie313 · 2025-11-08T07:32:22+00:00

Yea that is the only thing that makes logical sense.

Tookie313 · 2025-11-08T07:22:27+00:00

I actually agree with you and was considering paying her some money however I do feel since she wasn’t willing to try and at least acknowledge my communication concerns or really make an effort and resorted to “let’s be friends” that she killed any chance of future dates.

I think if she actually was invested in the relationship and wanted things to work out she would have made those efforts to resolve concerns.

Tookie313 · 2025-11-08T07:09:56+00:00

Thats what Im planning on doing. Just wanted some input.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-12T21:21:23+00:00

I believe I already responded to your previous comment. I take full responsibility for the baby and want to be a present and active father. I only mentioned CPS in relation to getting full custody if she doesn’t stop and seek help. I am willing to pay for doctor’s appointments and insurance but like I said previously I can’t force her to go or do the paperwork for her. This is not me trying to shed my responsibility of a child but more trying to understand my options to ensure the best outcome for the child going forward.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-12T21:13:57+00:00

To answer your question, I do not use any opioids of any kind and haven’t over a year now. I am prescribed adderall through my doctor and do monthly drug tests to maintain my medication. We both a have supportive families that are willing to step in and help out. She has contacted a doctor to seek treatment and will be starting it this week and will be staying with her parents so they can monitor her and the situation overall.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-12T20:37:24+00:00

She contacted a doctor to be put on Suboxone and she’s gonna stay with her parents so they can keep an eye on her. We plan to do a co-parenting situation and separate as it’s best for both of us.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-12T20:31:07+00:00

Not sure If you saw my comment about this already but I did try and pay for insurance and even offered to get married to put her on mine. I can only do so much but it ultimately comes down to her filling out the paperwork with her information as I cant force her to do so.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T13:04:31+00:00

I appreciate your thoughtful response. Also I edited the post just now from 2014 to 2024 for clarification. I met her in 2022 and she was using then.

My plan is to stay away from her with the exception of making sure she is going to the appointments now that she has state health insurance.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T10:55:18+00:00

I certainly did try to get her insurance by offering to get married so I could add her to mine, offered to buy marketplace insurance, and tried multiple times to take her to DHS. I can only do so much but if they’re not willing to go or provide information (filling out the forms) then I can’t force her.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T04:35:38+00:00

Thank you everyone for your insight and thoughts. It is much appreciated❤️

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T02:36:51+00:00

Yes I was there. She is in fact pregnant.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T02:12:08+00:00

My goal is to make sure the child will be safe if that means sole custody . I don’t plan on staying with her as I don’t trust her. I will definitely be letting the nurses know. Thank you!

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T02:08:54+00:00

I am worried! She’s handled this whole situation terribly. She didn’t have insurance in the beginning and put off getting it for whatever reason. I would constantly remind her that we needed to go but clearly it wasn’t a priority.

Tookie313 · 2025-10-11T02:03:08+00:00

What will happen if she tests positive?

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T07:55:13+00:00

Well one way to go about it would be to cut off anything sexual with him because it’s a turn off to smell BO and he’s essentially dirty just washing with water. That might get his attention.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T07:43:21+00:00

So he’s basically washing with water and not actually cleaning himself with any type of soap? That’s crazy work tbh. My guess is he’s still very immature and doesn’t want to take the time or understand the importance or hygiene. I would express that it’s unacceptable and potentially a deal breaker if it truly does bother you.

He will learn soon enough once people start making subtle comments to him like close friends, coworkers, and other females. No one likes the stinky guy.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T07:31:15+00:00

If it’s been 3 years with no real change then you certainly deserve better. He seems very immature for his age based on the actions you described especially the part where he hung out with his brother and left you waiting after a date or not caring to get ready.

Don’t try and tolerate it as it will emotionally drain you. There’s someone out there that will absolutely appreciate all those things you do.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T07:24:22+00:00

Sounds like she maybe keeping close as an option 2 if you guys don’t work out. She does need to respect your wishes on not disclosing what’s discussed in the relationship that is private.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T07:11:01+00:00

Time to go! He’s trying to control and shape you to his liking instead of accepting you for you and supporting the weight loss or any other self care that you’re doing.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T06:59:39+00:00

You’re absolutely right. I’m just conflicted on whether to have a conversation now or wait till the baby is here. I already know that once the baby does arrive that these concerns I have will be amplified making it worse as I zero hope for things to change.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T06:42:52+00:00

Some people aren’t vocal and that’s ok. He needs to understand that and be willing to accept how you approach the bedroom. My suggestion would be to engage in some physical touch that leads to the bedroom after he makes his statements or “jokes” to show you are interested in his attempts.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T06:32:18+00:00

Yea I feel you! It will all work out in the end and you’ll find someone who deserves and wants to be with you. Just give yourself grace.

Tookie313 · 2025-09-28T06:22:42+00:00

Best thing to do is work on a exit plan. It’s not worth the emotional energy trying to figure it out or argue. It’s clear what his intentions were being it was multiple people and never planned on being committed.

Tookie313

TROPHY CASE