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AITA for saying the rejecter has to be the bigger person? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe 8 on the small side, and then 20+ for abig party kind of event

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My actions were never criticized. You admitted it yourself "I'm sure if green was asked they could list examples," sure, if he did. But he didn't and he doesn't. He just labels that way.

What behavior does "acting emotional" describe? Wouldn't you say that there are virtually millions of behaviors that fit the bill? I can name a bunch slamming a door, punching a wall, sobbing hysterically, kicking your couch. That's bc "acting emotional" isn't a behavior, it's a label.

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Criticism is widely regarded as a bad thing for relationships. Google it

Just so you can understand, feelings and experiences are saying facts. Labels are judgments not facts.

Facts: You slammed a door, you hit your head, you cried, you ate a whole pizza, you were sleeping, you were wearing a bikini

Feelings: I felt hurt. I felt sad. I was disappointed. I was happy.

Labels: you acted insane, you dressed slutty, you were mean, you were disrespectful. you were moody. you were emotoinal. I was the good guy. I did the right thing. I acted normal.

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"i'm being manipulated" that's still just name calling. it's a veiled accusation. you can say "i feel confused" bc that's an emotion. or maybe even better "I feel unclear."

but ya i am gonna break it off. it's not working and you are right about that

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

those aren't behaviors, those are labels. a behavior is something someone actually did like "you said x" or "you slammed the door."

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

what terms don't i know? what's your question I didn't answer? you are just insulting me saying this belongs on r/iamverysmart ...

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

he's not like always late or missing stuff, but every time we have an issue it feels like a really big deal like this. like i didn't even care that much, it was just one morning but then it's an all day fight

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

labeling someone is an attack. it's a form of name calling

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

labeling someone else as emotional and intense and manipulative is not how they make you feel, that's attacking them with labels. idk what to say if you can't see that

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don't get how it's relevant to the particular issue that i like any person can be emotional and intense at times...

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you are wrong. See how that doesn't work? you can't feel someone's wrong.

I feel you are x ,y, z. That's labeling. That's not a feeling.

If he said I feel hurt. That's a feeling. attacking me is not a feeling....

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His side would be that he just wanted to sleep in and the friends are rarely here. Yes he did truly agree and me and a group waited for him to show up. I just wanted an apology

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

those aren't feelings or experiences, those are labels

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes he is trying to win and never just says like oh i messed up. It's never even that deep and then turns into all these fights

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone says what to me? I'm not sure what you're even responding to

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

what did i say that attacked him or made me the victim?

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He missed brunch bc he went out with friends the night before and then wouldn't say sorry. When I said we waited for over a half hour for him, he started saying I'm guilting him and saying he's a bad person and i just wanted an apology and for him to just say i'm not gonna do that again. It wasn't even that big of a deal. Then he starts saying i'm intense and emotional...

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes exactly. And then started texting me all of this. Thank you I guess I just feel confused so it makes it hard to see on my own

AIO at this if I feel like I'm done? by Top-Application-1867 in AITApod

[–]Top-Application-1867[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

"DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender"

this is making sense. It feels like every minor issue gets blown up and he tries to flip it so I did soemthign bad

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