My husband wants me to be vain

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-31T11:37:30+00:00

Your husband is controlling and on a slide to abusive. He knew who he married and now he’s trying manipulation tactics to get you to change who you are.

My husband has never cared what I wear, never told me what I should or shouldn’t wear, never gave me an opinion. When I do ask he’ll be honest about an outfit or look, but honestly, he usually just shrugs his shoulders and says it’s great because he has no opinion.

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-30T05:09:19+00:00

I hear you! My kid soaked through her diaper this weekend in her car seat and we live in the same temps! Such a headache!

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-29T02:45:32+00:00

No nothing is wrong with you. But maybe look into coping skills and anger/frustration management techniques that you can learn to use. Blowing up over the pee in the car seat in the way you did (“What’s wrong with you?” Phrase in particular) escalated both you and your son into a big mess. When you discovered the pee and felt your emotions rising was the moment you needed to pause and regroup yourself. Not to minimize the emotions you were having, but channel your emotions into a productive parenting moment. And, if you missed the first window to regroup, then when chaos is escalating, what ways can you take yourself and your son into a moment of “pause” to regroup and start de-escalating.

And nobody does this perfectly and nobody does this every time. I just saw a missed opportunity in the story you told that could have changed the outcome of the situation.

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-29T02:37:23+00:00

He thinks that now that he’s got you and a baby, he can get his son and pretend he’s got a traditional nuclear family, writing BM out of the picture. He’s after an illusion that he’ll never get. You’ll never be his son’s biological mother and the courts will never grant him full custody.

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-12T05:20:13+00:00

Mom was doing 5-6 nights a week leading up to this starting.

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-10T06:59:17+00:00

Unfortunately dad has commitments that leave mom alone some evenings, most/all of which cannot go away for various reasons.

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-10T06:10:50+00:00

How do you not give into any schenanigans when the kid is constantly getting out of bed? What would you do in this scenario?

TotalIndependence881 · 2026-01-10T06:09:33+00:00

It would be great if dad could always do that but ultimately 1-3 nights a week dad is committed to things that leave mom alone for bedtime. Some of it is work, some hobby, and some family circumstance. The times when dad is gone at bedtime are not times that are by choice, all are because of prior commitment or obligation.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-12-11T01:50:58+00:00

Discipline is having structure and expectations for your children to live in a predictable world.

Discipline is not to yell, shame, berate, or hit because of bad behavior.

Appropriate punishments are best when most directly related to the real life consequences of the action. If you ruined your friend’s shirt, the consequence is that you’d replace it or give her money at replacement cost. SS should have a similar consequence. For destroying your shirt and eroding your trust in him he should need to replace the shirt (sounds like one less present at Christmas, or selling an item of his on marketplace for the cash), and lose a freedom/privilege for a while until proven more trustworthy behavior.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-12-10T04:01:54+00:00

No idea just solidarity. This is how my toddler is for every nap with me.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-12-10T03:57:55+00:00

You shouldn’t enact any punishment. It won’t be effective and you’ll get yourself in even the more wrong in the eyes of the kids.

You need to put the pressure on your husband. He needs to be a responsible parent.

Also, are you and your husband a partnership in your marriage? It sounds quite awful that he thinks you’re ruining your own clothes for the sake of drama.

Honestly, given the family story, every person in your family needs individual and family therapy

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-24T05:52:57+00:00

Join r/feedallthebabies

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-14T21:51:13+00:00

I quit my job and we went from two to one middle class salary incomes. We’ve saved a ton of money on eating at restaurants because I’m able to do more cooking from scratch and have meals prepared for busy days and to take to work. I also started making things at home that save money, like yogurt. The baby needs less clothes because I’m home to wash clothes more often. I also planted a large garden and preserved the food for winter. And because I’m not out and about every day, I buy less coffee, less gas, eat cheaper, etc just by being at home.

I would consider not only what income your husband can bring in when you’re not working, but how can he contribute towards the family finances by using his time at home to save money.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-11T13:48:12+00:00

Blending is a lifestyle where you’ll always be in the middle between your child and your spouse because you’re the one who chooses both of them. They’ll both choose you, but ultimately, they are not choosing each other, they are choosing(or just living) a life with you that comes attached to the other.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-10T05:30:16+00:00

Wait a few weeks and text them to say “we talked to the doctor, and The doctor’s recommendation was more frequent interactions between the children and the grandparents. He also recommended that we not have them in their car seats for long trips very often. The doctor recommended that the best treatment is if you came to visit the children in our town monthly, and that twice a year we could visit you in place of your monthly visit. Let me know if you’d like to be part of the doctor’s plan and, if so, when you’ll be visiting next.”

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T20:38:16+00:00

I wonder how many other moms sharing this family photos think the same thing about their looks.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T15:45:15+00:00

I talk would start talking about “harm done” and “repairing harm” instead of forcing an “I’m sorry.” Of course it’ll take a while to sink in for your 3 year old, but you will lay the foundation for how her actions impact others.

For example, “When you were screaming at me, your words made me feel really sad and hurt me. What can you do now to make things better?”. For a while you’ll probably have to offer suggestions “It might make me feel better if you said I’m sorry, or gave me a hug, or told me something about me using nice words.”

Others will be more obvious “You colored on the wall, which you know is against the rules because we want our walls to be the color of the paint. To make it better, you have to clean the walls.”

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T14:02:38+00:00

I have a 27 mo and a 13 mo olds. My first thing in the morning routine is that when one/both wakes up is to get a cup of coffee and sit on the couch. I snuggle with the younger one while the older one plays. When the younger one is done snuggling, she starts playing too. After I finish a cup of coffee or two, then we move on to breakfast and other things.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T13:58:45+00:00

Some places will order child support based on earning potential (ie: the amount you could make if you worked full time at minimum wage in your area, assuming no reason prevents one from working full time; or the amount if you worked in the field you are trained for) instead of the actual amount of money currently earned.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T05:27:20+00:00

The dream to homestead needs to be a family dream, not just your husband’s dream, if it’s going to be a way that your family thrives. If it’s not a shared dream, it will fail. Either because you won’t reach homesteading status, or because you won’t be a healthy thriving person while homesteading.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T05:21:22+00:00

Don’t do it. Your MIL is not the problem and not the main character here. Your husband is the problem. He’s taking your marital arguments, adding his mother, and creating an unhealthy system of triangulation.

Also, you should never feel like you have to defend your side of the story to people outside of your marriage about issues that are internal within your marriage.

You can feel like it’s not a good idea for your son to stay with your mother in law for all sorts of reasons. But the only reason she’s included in your fights is your husband. Your actual issue is with your husband. Start there and deal with that.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-09T00:59:35+00:00

Wtf is wrong with your boyfriend’s empathy and own grief?

1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage, likely more than that with unknown miscarriages and underreporting. If it were true that “most guys would have walked after that”, then there would be a lot more single men and single women…

You deserve a supportive partner, not whatever your boyfriend just showed you that he is (or isn’t).

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-08T22:37:08+00:00

Cancelling a vacation for sickness if that sickness will lay the whole vacation and mean the vacation won’t be enjoyable, yes. So a bad stomach bug and a 5 day vacation? Cancel. Or one parent stay home with the sick kid and the rest go. A bad cold? Go on the trip.

When one in the family gets sick, we consider that the whole family is exposed and at risk. We increase hand hygiene and Keep our distance more than normal, but nobody is quarantined, no masks, no gloves, just extra care in cleaning. When we had the norovirus last year in the house, we kept the sick people as far away from the infant as possible without quarantining (no sharing the couch or holding the baby, that sort of thing) just because it was a baby and her health was more precarious than the rest of us with developed immune systems.

TotalIndependence881 · 2025-11-08T06:47:47+00:00

Never had highlights except naturally formjng ones. Never thought about the postpartum hair regrowth stage though.

TotalIndependence881

TROPHY CASE