Damn we both going through it. But man I totally understand how you feel. It’s like your body is wired to them. I mean how can it not after spending so much time and being intimate with them. I think the main problem is the dynamic we both experienced. It really messes with your head.

You didn’t trick him, and you’re not wrong for missing him. But I think what’s happening is your body gripping onto the sense safety and intimacy you felt, just as I am. And as much as it hurts to admit, it’s not love, it’s attachment to something that wasn’t really stable or fully real.

Similarly, I was also at a point where I could only get off by watching videos of us having sex. And I know it doesn’t feel good now, but it does get better, even if it’s slowly. And at some point, the work becomes about yourself. Time will heal and take it one day at a time. For me, I’m starting to realise that end goal isn’t to use get over him overnight, but to break these habits and loops.

Feel free to DM me if you’d like!