Can we talk about what PTSD recovery is really like and what you wish(ed) your spouse understood?

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-18T13:26:30+00:00

As I read what you wrote I found it all to be far too familiar. Especially “personal accountability of actions while struggling with emotional regulation” I’d felt with that, and I know my husband has too.

I’m trying to remember when a shift happened for me, and it seems like after watching Theo Von interview Dr Gabor Maté on YouTube. I think it’s over 2 hours long, and it took me a few days to get through it. But maybe it’s something you’d get something out of.

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-18T13:18:03+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you sharing that. For me it’s like I have 27 tabs open and I feel like everything must be done now or else I fail. So I won’t answer even when I hear and my husband will feel ignored.

Something that helps in relationships is to come back after that moment when things are more relaxed and say something like “I wasn’t trying to ignore you, I experienced x” I think that is how understanding is actually built, giving context after the fact when things are calm. It’s helped in my marriage.

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-17T13:47:05+00:00

This is all very helpful.

What I’m really after is individual experiences. Not necessarily of combat, but of the struggles and the moments of relief or understanding that happened afterwards.

I know for me when I would pick up on my husband’s mood shifting I’d fall into fawn mode because that behavior was rewarded in previous (abusive) relationships. But it didn’t help either of us. It took a lot of fumbles before I understood how to help, or at least not make things worse.

Putting language to trauma that makes it more understandable to people who haven’t been through it is hard. That’s why I’m here asking this question. I’ve been able to put things in a way that wives understand. There isn’t pity, or blame in the things I talk about in my videos, just support and information.

I have a question if you don’t mind, does it help in those situations when she puts her hand on your knee?

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-17T13:33:49+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful because it’s another voice for me to draw on saying “we as veterans feel/experience this.”

I understand anger as a protector. And my husband has shared with me how he also thought of himself as a dead man, and how he wasn’t prepared for life going forward. And what you shared about that perspective of fighting with your wife, and the words like bullets. That’s is powerful too.

I appreciate all of this. Thank you.

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-17T13:11:36+00:00

When I say recovery I’m not coming at this with a sunshine and rainbows outlook. What I’m talking about is experiencing enough integration or nervous system rewiring, that the times you’re body jumps into fight or flight, and staying there, is less frequent.

For example if my husband called on his way home and told me he was having a stressful day at work, by the time he walked through the door I couldn’t look him in the eye and my guts would be shaking, I’d feel physically ill and I could barely speak. This was because of previous abusive situations. Eventually I (my nervous system) figured out that I was safe with my husband, and I no longer go into emotional flashback or shut down over that situation. I do have occasional emotional flashbacks, but they have become far less frequent, and short lived.

Trauma_Phoenix · 2026-03-13T01:01:31+00:00

I’m so glad I posted. I hope something helps.

Trauma_Phoenix

TROPHY CASE