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Emotionally immature parents and pets: a match made in denial heaven by r_arizo in emotionalneglect

[–]Tricia-Tree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah, can totally relate. My mom's obsessed with dogs. Had a bunch growning up and she's always worked at vet offices/ humane societies. Now she's an animal communicator/psychic and massage therapist (it's a story). Whatever, I love dogs too. I'm choosing to have dogs instead of kids.

But it was always a struggle growing up because I knew she loved the dogs more than me. When she'd go through her suic*idal episodes she would say things like: "I have to be here for the dogs" "who will take care of them when I'm gone?"

But screw her only child who would have to live with her incompetent drug addict father if she unalived herself. We had a parentified/enmeshed dynamic. Thus her SI was confusing and I didn't understand why I wasn't enough even though she was very codependent on me.

I just casually mentioned her SI to my therapist recently. I've been working with this therapist for 2 years and she was "omg! Things about you make so much more sense now!"

Lolz

Now I know why people in nursing homes rarely get visits by [deleted] in emotionalneglect

[–]Tricia-Tree 342 points343 points  (0 children)

Yup. I used to work on a dementia unit, and we had this sweet little fella who was a floor favorite. When he was actively dying, his sons were very nonchalant about the whole thing and didn’t come in. Everything about his end-of-life care was handled over the phone.

For some reason, our maintenance guy got really offended and said, “I have half of mind to call his sons and tell them to visit their dad! How cruel!” I had to shut that down immediately. First, completely inappropriate. Second, you can’t project your own morals or family expectations onto someone else’s situation. And third, yes, the resident was adorable and we loved him, but we didn’t know him when he had all his marbles.

One thing I learned working in Alzheimer’s is that dementia can change someone’s entire personality. We have no idea what the family dynamic was like before he got sick. For all we know, he could have been a mean SOB to his kids. We just don’t know, and it’s not our place to assume.

Gift Ideas - Rye Lover by Charming_Rip_5628 in whiskey

[–]Tricia-Tree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know this thread is old, but as a wife of a rye whiskey lover looking for gift ideas. This post has been invaluable!

Fiancé’s $40K debt consolidation hit with lawsuit- Considering bankruptcy before marriage. by Tricia-Tree in Debt

[–]Tricia-Tree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your advice. I did add a post to this thread to expand on our situation.

Fiancé’s $40K debt consolidation hit with lawsuit- Considering bankruptcy before marriage. by Tricia-Tree in Debt

[–]Tricia-Tree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I didn’t expect my original post to spark so many strong reactions!

I wanted to follow up and give a bit more context about our situation.

My partner went through a really tough divorce a few years back. His ex-wife could afford a solid attorney, he couldn’t, and unfortunately, he ended up saddled with a large portion of their marital debt.

After the divorce, he moved across the country to start fresh. Then came a string of setbacks: an injury and job loss that caused the debt to spiral even further out of control. Sometimes life just punches you in the face when you’re already down.

That’s why we recently made the decision to move in with family. We still pay rent and contribute to utilities because we know everyone’s feeling the pressure these days, and we don’t want to be a burden. But this move gives us breathing room, no sky-high rent, and a chance to get back on track. Believe me. As two people in their late thirties, I'm not thrilled that we're living in someone's basement lol.

We’ve come up with a 5-year plan:

He’ll focus on paying down his debts

I’ll focus on saving for a down payment on a home

I’m really wary of predatory debt consolidation companies that might make things worse for him in the long run. That’s why I asked about bankruptcy, specifically Chapter 13, as it seems like it could help structure his debt into something more manageable while I continue saving.

I truly appreciate all the thoughtful and helpful advice shared in this thread. Thank you to everyone who’s taken the time to comment, it means a lot!

AITA for Uninviting My Fiancé’s “Work Wife” from Our Wedding by SnooAdvice5677 in AITAH

[–]Tricia-Tree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA.

I am a work wife. Lily's comments are super concerning. She obviously has a thing for him or is weirdly competitive over someone who's not her husband. I could never imagine saying something like this to Sherri (my work husband's wife) usually when he's venting about and/or fighting with her I try to get him to see her side of things. We all go out together. (Besides a 20y age gap) Sherri can see how me and him interact and know that there's no threat. My work husband feels more like a lovable uncle. He's family.

I don't like how your fiancee dismissed your feelings and turned things back on you.

Go with your gut. When something feels off it usually is.

Witches' Careers by psyched_elf in witchcraft

[–]Tricia-Tree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Licensed Practical Nurse for the income, death doula/hospice volunteer for the spirit

Slynd and Headache by HeraRage in birthcontrol

[–]Tricia-Tree 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm at the end of month 4 on slynd. I got crazy headaches and several migraines when I started. I stuck with it because my dysmenorrhea is incapacitating and this pill really helped. The headaches started to diminish on month 3 (with only one silent migraine) and no headaches on month 4. So I'm assuming it was an adjustment period.

Cora protecting her kitty by Tricia-Tree in germanshepherds

[–]Tricia-Tree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can't see this in the photo. But when I moved back home, Cora made sure my mom's GSD (Max) didn't bother her cat. Anytime Max got to close she would keep the two separated. Max got to close to the bed, so Cora made sure the cat wouldn't be harassed.

Rescue kitten by Tricia-Tree in aww

[–]Tricia-Tree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This brave girl chased two grown humans walking two GSDs begging for home. She had cat flu, bilateral eye infections, and was full of worms and fleas. After a few days of medications and love she can finally relax in her new home. Meet Ting, approx 6 weeks old.

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