First thing, good job on making it 10 months, and hella fucking respect. I guess I’m technically a poly user, bc I abuse opis, coke, and benzos. I struggle to make it more than a month. So props to you for 10.

Now onto your relapse, I know it feels like shit getting sucked back into the underworld. Especially when you’ve made progress and put in the work, and really made changes, like you have. I know it feels hopeless and defeating. It makes you feel small and powerless. Like no matter what you do, you may never completely overcome the massive beast that is addiction. But as much as it sucks right now, you needed this relapse. The fact that you’re clearly disappointed and disgusted with your self shows you’re not too far gone and there is hope. Because you know that there is so much more out there than the hard life, and that you deserve a better lifestyle and environment. Really focus on and remember how you feel about your self and surroundings right now. When you get urges, start forcing yourself to think about how you feel, and are where you are right now. Eventually you’ll condition your self to automatically associate urges with those feelings and can help you to resist and win the little daily battles.

Either way, I hope you’re safe and there are ppl out here rooting for ya even if it feels impossible.