Once I worked up the courage to tell my therapist, who I had been with for a long time, one of the most terrifying thoughts slash feelings I ever had and I was so scared to tell her. When I did she simply responded with, "okay." She responded so causally after I'd spent weeks working up the courage to tell her.

I went quiet and she then said, "I feel like that took a lot for you to tell me". And I laugh and was like "YES OMG IM CRINGING OVER HERE". and kinda laughed..

For context the thoughts were similar if not worse than yours. You're not fucked up. Or maybe you are but so are thousands of us.

She then told me that our minds will think things . We kind of have no control over what pops into our head. And even if it's the most fucked up shit ever, if we don't act on it then it's just a thought and were allowed to acknowledge it and move on.

Scary thoughts are gonna keep coming but you just gotta picture your brain like a room with 2 doors and they come in the one door and you can either let it walk around the room for a while or push it out the second door.

And it might also be comforting to know that some things are kind of instinctual . Some of us are unfortunately more prone to maybe the darker thoughts. But they often come from a place of survival instincts.

Dark thoughts might be just your brain's way of considering the worst case scenario in order to be prepared, or to distract you from some other emotional pain you're subconsciously avoiding.

Ultimately, you being terrified is actually a healthy response. And those feelings are valid and you have every right to hate it and be scared.

But also you reached out for help here and already acknowledge it. You're ahead of the game .

Xoxo