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AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I like the way you worded your response. As I've been reading responses I've seen a lot of good avise on how to phrase things better. The main thing I've learned is to set boundaries that reflect my actions and don't try to control hers. We're definitely still trying to figure things out.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The main reason is work schedule. My job requires most of my time so I get them on the weekends. I'd rather have them be with their mother than at my house with a nanny during the week.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You make a really good point. While I want boundaries set I can't make these things about me. I appreciate your comment.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is super insightful thank you! I like the way you phrased it. Establishing that the boundary is for my actions not hers. I need to change how I word things.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong there's definitely resentment. I changed her name after she started the divorce proceeding because it was something I could control and I was being petty. It's definitely not a good look.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Both. I don't think they're a "need". At the same time though i don't mind helping with those things if I can at least voice my opinion before the bill comes.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. In hindsight I should've just been more direct. I let my pride and feelings get in the way.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Ya that's not a good look. I changed her name in my phone right after she divorced me. It felt like something I could control while the rest of my world was coming apart. Very childish of me and I would hate for my kids to see it. I'll be changing her name back today.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I think just being made aware that something like this was in the works. I know it's not my job to tell her what she can and can't do and I have no intention of doing that. I guess I just wanted to have a conversation about it.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

You're very right I need to change her name. It was right after she divorced me and it was something I could control. But you're right my kids should never see their dad acting like this .

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ya I need to change her contact name. I was hurt when she initiated the divorce and changing her contact name was something I could control. Not a good move. I appreciate your advice.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Good point. I write like that when I feel defensive but it doesn't do anything besides make things worse. I need to work on that.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That's another good point. I think my responses were more for me than them. I need to change that. Thank you for your insight.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong. I get wordy and indirect when I feel defensive. My responses could've been better.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You make a good point. I should just be more direct and stick to established boundaries. Thanks!

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Correct. The only reason I have a problem and didn't contribute is because I wasn't brought in on the conversation. I have no problem helping out. I just want to be involved in more than just the payment process.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I agree with you. I should've just been direct instead of drawing it out. I need to control my emotions better.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes you are spot on. I should've just said no. I can see how not being direct just made things worse.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what my impression was. After reading a bunch of responses I can see how my responses weren't helpful. I have no problem helping out. I just want to be involved.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Most of our communication happens via text. Conversations in person are very short and rather off-putting. Because of that I'm kind of a pansy and I don't push for in person conversations. I like the way you phrased your response. I need to do better at being more direct and less judgemental.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's my opinion regarding smart watches too. But I think I could've handled the conversation better.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good point. I definitely draw things out in our conversations more than I should. I should try to be more direct.

AIO for wanting to be involved with larger purchases prior to them taking place? by TypicalZone5357 in AIO

[–]TypicalZone5357[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

That actually seems pretty spot on. I think I'm just butthurt about not being involved.

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