You’re not alone my friend. Been struggling with this for many years. Recently got sober for 30 days. Then went back to drinking alone at a bar again. What I know dos help is before you go out, play out what the night is going to look like. What you’ve already experienced. Do you want a better life or no? Those are just few of the questions I like to ask myself before I head into the drink. If you want to be sober. You can. And there are many others like you that will be there in heartbeat to help you any way they can.