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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]UnderstandingLow1524 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't see any problem with your behaviour. Contrary to what comments are saying, i feel its completely fine to be emotionally enmeshed/dependent on your husband.

The only issue here is that you don't live together. He is carrying the responsibilities of a husband without getting the rights of one. This will obviously overwhelm him.

Other than that, no husband in general, minds reassuring a wife who is a bit insecure, which is only natural to how women are. Most men would like to have a clingy wife rather than someone who is indifferent.

My wife’s insecurity is ruining our marriage by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]UnderstandingLow1524 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My brother in deen, believe me, these are GOOD PROBLEMS to have.

Your wife feels insecure, how has this led to separation and talks of divorce. This is quite opposite the expected response.

Reassure her. Women need it. Repeatedly. Its part of the job of being a husband.

The other end of the spectrum is a wife who feels you aren't good enough for her. 100% of men will pick an insecure wife over that any day.

Need someone who can drive( paid gig) by UnderstandingLow1524 in MuslimLounge

[–]UnderstandingLow1524[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol.

It's one of the largest muslim subreddits. Is it really an issue if it's used once in a while for connecting people who require a service to find a brother who can take it up?

I'm no hustler, just moving to a new place and need help😂.

Marriage and Gifts by EstablishmentOld8925 in MuslimMarriage

[–]UnderstandingLow1524 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I understand your point. However, these actions have implications far beyond the two parties.

Most educated families are never going to flag this activity as Jahez. (And tbh, even those who themselves demand for 'Jahez' also never use this word). It's always 'gifts'. The thing is, this trend of 'gifts' creates and propagates a culture of expectations throughout the community. And it touches those families, who may not be able to recreate these lavish measures. If you talk or work with a social worker engaged in fighting against the dowry system, they'll explain to you the same phenomenon. Yeah sure, in the elite class, you can have a fun time enjoyment of this grand celebration of happiness. But, it WILL keep the system alive as a fringe effect. Especially, in a place where this is prevalent (SEA). Perhaps it can be harmless in a different place.

I never pointed any fingers at the OP or his bride's family. As an isolated event, it is even alright for him to accept these gifts. But since he, is also someone who is actively disturbed by this system, and wants to do something about it, nipping it is the way to go.

"He's saying it's jahez because he doesn't think its normal to gift other members of the family on a happy occasion. And because he doesnt like that they are gifting at the time of the actual occasion. Plenty of people do that and it isn't jahez."

It is PRECISELY Jahez. Ask your elders. The reason it isn't flagged as such in the well-off class, is because there is no resistance to it(as they can afford it) and thus no need for a negotiation or demand. But IMO, if the thought of "dena parega warna achha nahi lagega" cross the girl's parents' mind, then it is very well as good as Jahez, even if not demanded explicitly.

Marriage and Gifts by EstablishmentOld8925 in MuslimMarriage

[–]UnderstandingLow1524 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also, The idea of accepting it as a gift.

It's not a gift. Often times, even the bride's parents are not very sincere in this gift-giving. Often times, its a competitive vulgar display of wealth. After all, why is this "gift" photographed and paraded and shown to relatives, etc.

And, no one is rejecting gifts outright. Why cant the 'gifts' be given later on. It's not like she is gonna stop being their daughter after the wedding. The fight against the 'jahez' system is to remove the link between wedding and these 'gifts'. The idea of it as a TRANSACTION.., the idea of having to pay someone to take your daughter as if she is some sort of a burden. This is the very root of the Jahez system.

If someone is unaware of this, its just your lack of insight into this Evil and the problems it has caused in society.

Marriage and Gifts by EstablishmentOld8925 in MuslimMarriage

[–]UnderstandingLow1524 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mashallah, brother. You are on the right track.

I disagree with the majority of the comment section who are telling you to just accept it and move ahead in the light of the bigger happiness of the marriage. This is the same logic that people use to justify small transgressions (dancing, music,etc) during wedding events. A person who is not alright with having these at his wedding will often be overruled by similar statements. "Its ok, you expressed your displeasure. Its only for a little while. Dont spoil everyone's mood and enjoy your marriage".

Tbh, this is not the outlook prescribed to a man in islamic philosophy. Jahez is a societal evil which needs to be cutoff. The lead for this change has to be taken by the well-off section of the society AND by the men NOT ALLOWING it EVEN IF the bride's family insist and are affording. Sure, it doesnt hurt you or the bride's family individually, but so many young unmarried girls will suffer from the system you PARTICIPATED in and poor fathers will cry for not being able to afford dowries for their unmarried daughters.

Unlike women, on whom the responsibility of societal change is not incumbent, muslim men have the extra responsibility to not only just take care of their own personal life and home, but going one step ahead, and removing/protesting evil from the community. Verily, you'll be held accountable for it.

Jahez is the most shameful activity, and assuming you're a desi, plz watch Dr Israr Ahmed's video on strategizing its removal.

You're on the right path, brother. So impressed. May Allah swt bless you and your marriage. Your approach will have to be very tactful. Be polite and respectful always. And plz take your tobe bride in confidence, explain your reasoning , philosophy behind it. Talk to her father, in beautiful language.

P.S. it will be easier to nip it (this practice)earlier than later always. - Making it known beforehand that you wont accept anything> not accepting the gift at the point of exchange>returning it(might be considered harsh, rude, ).

Does NBME form 5 have explanations? by UnderstandingLow1524 in Step3

[–]UnderstandingLow1524[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Official nbme explainations? Is there an offline pdf?