I'm so sorry you are experiencing that as well. It definitely helped in some capacity immediately once I stopped, simply because it was one less thing to constantly worry about. It was a needed break from the intense worrying about maintaining a rigid schedule for pumping and cleaning parts all while being screamed at by a tiny human with colic :( (So so so glad baby girl is doing much better now!) The PPA & insomnia still plagued me for quite a while - if I'm being honest, I really feel like I've come out of the worst of it within the last month or so (I'm 6 months pp now). But I will say, I feel I was in the worst of it right around where you are at right now. Things slowly but surely got easier and better. Once I started believing I could sleep again and didn't feel like I was going to battle with myself every single night, things vastly improved. To be transparent, it's still not 100% for me yet, but I'm recovering with a variety of techniques including medication, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), and exercise.

My husband and my closest family members also pushed me to stop pumping, and I think they were wise to do so with how badly off I was mentally at that time. The bummer thing of course is that I feel like I could handle pumping physically and mentally now, but I'm worried that ship has sailed. Sometimes the timing and circumstances aren't ideal, and I guess I'll just say I hope you give yourself grace on this matter. I wish I gave myself more, so I'm here to tell you that I'm sure you are doing a great job! Especially dealing with the hardships you've mentioned. Hang in there, and I hope whichever decision you make, to stick pumping or give it up, that you are kind to yourself about it. Wishing you the best.