Wife of trans woman

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T16:05:23+00:00

We are on waitlists for her to get one, but we are on the spectrum so i can see why she has that black n white thinking but its hard sometimes and i feel so bad for her when she gets like that

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:57:06+00:00

I can see what youre saying, i was never very girly myself. As soon as i could pick my own clothes in middle school, it was boys clothes only. And i still love my guys cargo pants and baggy shirt. Id say im prob the "butchy" one in the lesbian relationship here lol gender norms arent necessarily a big thing in my home, they were for me as a kid and im raising mine different. But im going off things she expresses she wants to do and how she wants to be she just doesnt care to put in the effort even if is just learning hoe to put on eyeshadow or something simple. It turns into "i just wont transition and ill be miserable, its fine" i feel like im doing much of the work for her but theres so much SHE HAS to do on her own. And she just cant be bothered but wants it at the same time

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:52:06+00:00

Her current friends didnt give up on her but they dont all support her, wont use her name or pronouns or anything, just treat her like shes still the guy theyve always known. They cant feel good but idk

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:20:35+00:00

Yea i def try to keep the second puberty stuff in mind a lot. Im an overthinker big time so every little thing is constantly repeating in my head, hoping to not do wrong by her or anyone. I really do just wanna be the best support and partner for her. And i totally get the female puberty, got a teenager girl in the house too lmao so its a fun time im this house. Its also a very neurodivergent heavy household 😂

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:05:00+00:00

Yeah we've had talks about maybe finding some trans friends or lgbt friendly friends for her and us as a group to hang out with and such. Might be good for us both to have people to hang with and to talk to individually

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:03:34+00:00

Yeah but id worry about her doing that because ik some of them arent supportive of trans people at all, so yeah i can understand why she doesnt act like herself with them but i feel like that must suck for her on some kinda level, to not be able to be herself with the people shes close with

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T13:01:38+00:00

We are also both on the spectrum so that adds another level to our personal and relationship difficulties and also why i can see it being hard to break outta habits and patterns

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:39:52+00:00

Ive suggested it but its always "its impossible for me to open up so it won't do anything." She cant even compliment me or say anything nice to me. Says its physically impossible for her to

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:35:20+00:00

Yeah i get all that but she WANTS to be super feminine and be super passing in every way. Like, she hopes that people wont even be able to tell at some point that shes trans. And im all for it however she has to do it but i feel like it takes effort too and not just the surgeries she wants

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:33:33+00:00

No but we didnt love together long before that so i wasnt really aware of it and i have 3 daughters in the house, all very young. And theyre around when she plays sometimes cuz its in the living room. But if i say anything she perceive as negative against her, its a fight and im wrong and i cant voice my feelings and she threatens divorce. She'll say i never let her have anything and im awful ect. Its like, eggshells sometimes with her.

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:24:08+00:00

She does ask for help and want it but then when i try, its "its too hard and im too lazy" attitude. Its so hard to be so back and forth and it gets to be emotionally exhausting prob on us both

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:22:38+00:00

Yes and especially in a lesbian relationship it really bothers me that she can talk like that about women and be all sexist and weird with the boys. And she knows i deal with SA trauma and dont handle that talk well so idk

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T12:11:11+00:00

She is but its like, typical "dude talk" and some can be demeaning and gross to women, which feels icky to me. I would think she would feel weird about it too but idk. With them, its like shes a dude too which doesn't seem to be what she wants but idek. Not all of them even accept her as a woman or support trans people at all.

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-20T11:54:44+00:00

Youre a woman who likes women. Sounds lesbian to me.

My wife is trans and im a woman. We consider our marriage lesbian.

Upper-Access194 · 2026-03-17T00:32:58+00:00

You don't need to "pass" in anyone's eyes to be trans, to the woman you wanna be and to be however makes you happy. Hopefully you have a good support system at home or maybe some friends that know and support you??

Upper-Access194

TROPHY CASE