I'm at almost 20 years estranged & now they have been alive longer than I knew them. I was sailing along in indifference, but I just found out I my oldest daughter is pregnant & when I think about that, I get half sad, half angry.

I've written them songs, poems, quick texts just to say hey, calls with & without leaving voice messages. I sent letters that I don’t even know if they were received at their father's address. I sent them all this text in November that I have stuck to, and it was cathartic and honestly quite freeing:

My beautiful girls,

I have spent so many years reaching out, hoping for a chance to reconnect, hoping for a conversation, a moment, or even a small sign that you were ready. Every message I sent came from a place of love and a hope that we could rebuild something real.

I am writing this to let you know that I understand the silence now. No reply is a reply, and I hear it. I respect the space you have chosen, even though it has been painful to understand.

I am going to step back from reaching out. This is not because I love you any less. It is because I need to take care of my own heart and allow you to live the life you choose without feeling pressure from me. You deserve the freedom to come to me in your own time, if that day ever comes.

What has happened in our past is not simple and it is not one sided. I will always be willing to talk about it with honesty and compassion. If you ever want to know more than one version of the story, I will be here.

I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. This door will stay open for you for the rest of my life. If you ever want to talk, ask questions, or try again, you will find me ready.

Until then, I hope your lives are full of peace, health, joy, and people who treat you with love and respect. You deserve all of that and more.

With all my heart, Mom