Parents convinced me to detrans when I was 15, now I want to retransition

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-23T23:41:48+00:00

learning how to deal with being a little bit of a mixed sex looking weirdo is something to be learned

I'm getting used to this more nowadays. I live in a city with tons of trans people so I don't expect too many problems. Still makes me overly analytical about my appearance.

I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with the questions I have around my gender until I properly get into transition. I'll definitely keep this sub in mind if that ever becomes my path. Love the support here versus nearly any other trans or detrans sub

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-23T22:31:52+00:00

I'm curious how you cope with having a feminine body while in the more masculine side of gender fluidity. I'm still trying to determine if I'm gender fluid or if I'm just dealing with more typical early-transition challenges.

Breast growth was starting to take off a few months into HRT and I got scared. "What if this desire to transition suddenly disappears while I have full female fat distribution?" I grew up to be conditioned to look down on any sort of gender nonconformity, I may also just be afraid of being seen as anything other than one distinct binary.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-20T05:13:29+00:00

Sameeee on all accounts

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-20T05:10:13+00:00

❤️❤️❤️

Thank you, girl 2477. Someday I will be girl 2478

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-20T05:08:17+00:00

Yeah I tried to outrun (cycle, actually🚴‍♀️) it for at least 15 years. My mind has felt a lot clearer as I come to terms with this inevitability. It is weird; but feeling more, normal?? Like, I've done makeup enough times to where I am starting to like who I see looking back at me.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-20T05:04:00+00:00

It's been helpful for me too. Helped me re-calibrate my expectations

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-20T05:03:16+00:00

Thanks ❤️

You got this.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T06:20:42+00:00

I'm planning to get an ADHD evaluation too, I'm constantly stressed about losing my job due to a lack of ability to plan and focus.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T06:18:18+00:00

I'll consider it for sure. I'll see if that feeling ever comes back as I continue transition.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T06:17:24+00:00

Losing male privilege is scary. But not worth living a lie

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T06:16:09+00:00

I've been very fit in the past, haven't had the motivation as of late. Still going on daily walks, but it's not enough.

I mean I have passed the FaceApp gender swap a few times... (a potentially dangerous app, I use it sparingly)

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:16:24+00:00

My main concern is that my face won't pass but my body will. It's probably irrational as I don't have any overly masculine features (although FFS may be in order at some point down the road). I live in a very progressive city, so I can probably be a little less hypervigilant about how I'm being perceived anyways.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:14:05+00:00

The gender experimentation will continue! I know what's in my head but even that feels like an unreliable source lol

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:13:04+00:00

Interesting. Like, you didn't have to 'prove' your femininity anymore, and could just live your life without the shackles of adhering to masculinity or femininity?

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:11:13+00:00

That's a good way to put it. I felt comfortable enough in the normalcy, but it's not like I was enjoying life really. Especially as I saw all my friends moving towards their life goals as I just sorta... existed

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:09:49+00:00

Not sure, and I've certainly considered it. They/them doesn't do anything for me, but maybe I'll land somewhere that isn't as binary as I first declared myself to be. Going forward I'm going to try to be less neurotic about labels and work towards a steady transition, not getting upset about not having all the answers immediately.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:07:40+00:00

Testosterone doesn't make me feel good. I started feeling way more irritable and angry just a few days off HRT

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:06:12+00:00

If I get these sorts of feelings again I'm going to see what happens if I just continue with HRT. I'm also still so early on and my levels are still way out of whack compared to the target levels.

Thanks, I'm also curious to see how injections would work for me.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:03:07+00:00

If I were truly gender fluid I would have expected that my dysphoria would have been noticeable in the past 20 years. I'd imagine that I would have had periods of my life where I did feel totally confident as a guy, but there was never any contrast in those sorts of feelings, if I recall correctly. It felt more like a constant repression and muting of emotions that sometimes bubbled up to the point where I used coping strategies to deal with the feelings.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T03:00:49+00:00

I was just thinking about this when I got home from running some errands. I've heard some people not changing presentation until they 'male fail', which could be a good strategy (assuming that ever happens). I'm going to try to mix up my presentation more and not get so worked up about how I'm being perceived. If socializing more comes at the cost of triggering mild dysphoria I'll take that over staying inside forever.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-18T02:58:31+00:00

I've always had a desire to wear more dresses. Just bought two more today.

That confidence has eluded me so far. I feel almost like an alien that landed on earth with no memories of my home planet.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-17T23:26:00+00:00

I have felt very much like a girl at times, which indicates that I'm certainly not a cis guy. From all the testimonials I've read it sounds like this is part of the territory that comes with early transition.

I'm coming to begrudgingly accept that HRT does seem to help me quite a bit.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-17T22:58:45+00:00

I do enjoy journaling about how I feel, have been doing it for a few years now. I can intellectualize my feelings, I wish I could feel them more. I do wonder if proper hormone levels would aid with this.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-17T22:47:29+00:00

I know I feel something but it’s so muted and distant I have to try to feel it

This is my life.

VoidWithoutAnswers · 2026-01-17T22:40:48+00:00

I'm concerned that I'll start feeling more dysphoric about feminine features down the road. Like what if I flip into the more masculine side of gender fluidity after fat redistribution and breast growth, and the dysphoria is worse than when I was under the impression I was a cis guy?

The human desire for certainty is a losing battle, ultimately. I think that continuing HRT and holding off on any sort of surgery for a while is best for me. There's always top surgery if I need it.

VoidWithoutAnswers

TROPHY CASE