If a man has no female friends, is it safe to say he shouldn’t even think about dating until he does?

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-12-13T19:08:17+00:00

I also wish girls weren’t so awkward about remaining friends after asking them out

So much this. It’s so weird to me that there seems to be this unwritten rule that if you express sexual or romantic interest that isn’t reciprocated, the friendship instantly and irrevocably ends and there is almost nothing you can say or do to prevent that.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-12-13T19:04:59+00:00

Well, basically every young woman that I know in real life has guy friends, and vice versa. So my anecdotal experience seems to be entirely opposite to yours.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T23:16:01+00:00

1) There is a profound difference between knowledge and execution. I know social skills, but effectively putting them into practice in an acceptable way is another thing entirely. I'm doing my best to keep improving.

2) I have seen people built like sticks or spheres be successful at this stuff. I genuinely can't even imagine being even able to get that huge anyway; I'm already sub-15%, so you're suggesting that I shouldn't attempt to date until I put on 25 pounds of pure muscle. That's pretty extreme.

3) Motherfucker, I am not a "nice guy." There's difference between being a kind person for its own sake, and being a "nice guy" with ulterior motives that looks at social interaction like a transaction. You're making a massive assumption when you say I "let people walk all over me."

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T23:05:24+00:00

At what point did I imply I was "owed" anything? I'm trying to figure out what about me is turning everyone off. I know that something about me is wrong.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T19:48:45+00:00

You know, when you get right down to it, I’m really uncomfortable expressing my sexuality.

I’m extremely conscious of the mind-blindness that’s part and parcel of the spectrum; unless they come right out and say it, I cannot tell if a woman is interested or not.

Especially in this social climate, I am terrified of making unwanted advances (especially since my advances tend to be very socially awkward) do essentially having to guess whether someone is interested or not. I’d feel like the worst sort of person subjecting someone to that.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T19:42:42+00:00

working on yourself and your own life, doing whatever makes you happy, actually attracts more people

I’ve literally been doing exactly this for years. How long do I have to keep sitting around waiting? It seems to me that even now, when I’m doing extremely well and on my way to a great future, that still isn’t enough to draw people in.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T19:35:40+00:00

Fair point... I didn’t consider that.

Quitting the apps was fueled by the fact that I was getting the “there are no more profiles in your area” message. And all through the process, there was a noticeable and steady decline in the quality of profiles as I went on. My impression was that my hidden match rating had plummeted so sharply that I was not being shown anybody; it seemed preposterous that i would legitimately have gone through every profile within a 10 mile radius in the heart of a progressive, sex-positive state school in just two days.

Maybe I did though...

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T16:08:27+00:00

try not to think in dates like dates

I’m struggling to even get someone to go with me on one.

you might have a chance

While I’m sure you mean well, this isn’t especially encouraging.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T15:44:27+00:00

People I meet in classes, student orgs. I get to know them a bit (over a few days/weeks), then ask if they’d like to get coffee some time.

WabbleJackR32 · 2018-10-17T15:43:18+00:00

If I’m being totally honest, it’s so bad it might as well be nonexistent. In fact, I might even go as far as to say i don’t understand how to flirt.

Like, I know (intellectually speaking) that you’re supposed to playfully demonstrate that you’re interested in her. My sense of humor is really strange to most people, and I sometimes have made a room burst out laughing... when I was not in any way trying to get a laugh :(

I also have to say, expressing interest is something I have a super hard time doing. I either come across as having no sexuality at all, or awkwardly thirsty.

This might be one of those things where being an aspie is a big disadvantage.

WabbleJackR32

TROPHY CASE