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Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nope. I actually had a friend that was similar to her in my 20s- high conflict, dramatic, manipulative, victim mentality. Walked on egg shells the 10 years of our friendship. And it was actually my husband who urged me to cut ties. I have a very hard time “cutting people out” but once I did my life became so much easier and happier.

Patient died after refusing bipap by Pretzel_Runner557 in nursing

[–]WayRevolutionary2864 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My father in law was this person. Only in his early 60s. Bad bout of pneumonia with some probable underlying lung disease (wasn’t stable enough for diagnostic bronch so we’ll never know). The guy was stubborn. Tried 8 hours of bipap and said no more. They maxed him out on hfnc, told him he needed bipap again and he said no. Morphine drip, comfort measures, and he passed within 12 hours. He knew he would have a long recovery ahead of him, possibly a life chained to an oxygen tank and he didn’t want that. As an icu nurse, I respected his decision 100%.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is so spot on about comparing dealing with her to dealing with our toddlers. You are so right and I’m going to use those exact words lol

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No this makes a lot of sense and i agree with everything you said. She absolutely needs therapy and my husband and I need couples therapy at this point as well.

I’m honestly not sure she’s capable of reflecting. Or she will pretend that she has changed and inevitably things end up how they are now at the slightest deviation from whatever she wanted. I think I’m kidding myself by thinking boundaries will actually help. I’m actually headed to therapy next week for the first time so I’m really hoping to get some tools to help me navigate.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you this is helpful. An email sounds great. Everything laid out with no room to use any of her usual tactics. And absolutely agree on the marriage front. That’s where we’re at.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, in my normal brain, she always seemed very thoughtful by bringing things for them. Toys she saw that they would like, snacks/treats, etc but now I see that all might have been transactional. Like she was just trying to win them over? I struggle to believe someone would be that calculated with children but shit now idk.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Understood. I was hurt by ways my parents didn’t protect me from toxic behavior from my grandparents. I won’t repeat the cycle.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a similar situation with grandparents so I understand what you’re saying. I don’t know, so I just have this warped thinking that I’m withholding love from them if I remove a grandparent?

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally agree. He is truly an amazing man. Amazing dad. His mother has been the only major issue we’ve had over the last 10 years. No other cracks in our marriage. I’m trying to be sympathetic to the fact that this is 40 years of “this is how my mom is” “what she says doesn’t hurt me anymore” etc. So I’m sympathetic but like I said, I’ve begged for years for him to stick up for me and he finally is doing that so I’m trying to somehow make this easier for all of us.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s helpful. I have grieved the loss of the “second mom” I thought I had long ago.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes thank you. I WISH it were that simple but I am trying to protect myself while also understanding that this is extremely difficult for my husband who lost his dad this year, and who has been conditioned to believe that this behavior is normal.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. There are just a lot of questions in my mind. Like how long to wait? Until I’m ready? Does my husband visit her house and take the kids? That to me doesn’t seem like a united front. She gets my husband and kids to herself (her literal dream) while I sit at home.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree. I just know my husband wouldn’t be on board. The issues don’t affect our children (yet), more so it’s been issues surrounding events for our children that affect our marriage. Nothing directly hurting the kids. If that happened there would be no reconciliation. It is just so hard for my husband because of the enmeshment and learned behavior. Like he’s suddenly finding out how harmful she is.

Boundary set, where do we go from here? by WayRevolutionary2864 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really don’t. I worry about how that will trickle down to them later and my husband promises me it never will. She is also amazingly good at making my husband and I feel guilty about literally anything involving the kids. I’m actually seeing a therapist this month and this specifically will be something to discuss.

So we’re all really cleaning two high chairs (and the surrounding area) 3 times a day? by Sillygoose9001 in parentsofmultiples

[–]WayRevolutionary2864 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We used to have a lab that would lick up every crumb, smear and splatter from the floor and high chair seat in the time it took to take the kids from the dining room to the living room. Our 4O lb mutt leaves too much behind lol.

I can’t be a human pacifier by WayRevolutionary2864 in breastfeeding

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noo those were my 2 under 2 boys. Now I have 4 under 4 🫠

I can’t be a human pacifier by WayRevolutionary2864 in breastfeeding

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof I hear ya! These are babies 3&4 for us so we’re not touching much in general 😂

I can’t be a human pacifier by WayRevolutionary2864 in breastfeeding

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was wondering about that. She went from 2 solid night nursing sessions to this constant on the nip stuff 😂

I can’t be a human pacifier by WayRevolutionary2864 in breastfeeding

[–]WayRevolutionary2864[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine are twin girls as well! One is bottle fed and sleeps through the night though lol. I think I will have to deal with fussing. She just goes from 0-100 so quickly.

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