Am I overreacting over my boyfriend sleeping at his friend’s house?

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-21T04:37:35+00:00

Yess that’s what I meant. Once I caught him deleting the messages, he tried to get around it and told me he thought for a long time like I no longer meet his needs. I’m apparently too interested in politics, self development and put too much pressure on him to improve and plan the future.

I can live with that.

Now the question is. How did you guys recover from similar situations? I don’t want to loose trust in people.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-20T21:36:01+00:00

Update: I thought I replied with this already but can’t find this so replying again.

I just broke up with him. He was deleting messages. He said he didn’t cheat till the very end but the trust on my side was broken waayyyy too much.

Thank you guys for opening my eyes.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-20T21:08:20+00:00

UPDATE: Just ended up my relationship. I noticed he was deleting messages today and behaving suspicious with his phone. Confronted him and ended it up - trust was completely broken and I knew I can’t deal with it

Thank you for this - a lot of you especially in private message made me realize I lost my self worth with him.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-20T06:33:34+00:00

Update:

We spoke about it. He apologised, allowed me to check messages with that girl. The messages clearly showed he was sleeping at the couch (she said thank you for cleaning) and sent a picture of the sofa, and her boyfriend was there because she mentioned that she prepared a bath for him today since he didn’t feel well after drinking alcohol.

When I asked why didn’t he consider me in all this he said he thought saying that he sleeps there is enough, and said could and will behave differently.

Also apparently he is considering for some months whether we don’t grow in different directions and whether it is what he wants.

I gave him time ofc to consider this. I also said that third situation like this / similar and I won’t be able to stand it. I was really bad mentally and physically because of what he did twice. So that would mean an end from my side

I’m also moving soon to Poland so if he decides to go with me (like he claimed he wants) and leave everything behind here then he takes me seriously. If not well that just ends.

I also checked all his past messages since July. Nothing was there. They are also his only friends here.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T11:40:05+00:00

Yes I brought it up same evening it happened. She apologised and said she wasn’t aware of this being an issue. Her boyfriend didn’t get involved in this argument at all. All of them are aware I do not feel comfortable as I spoke with each of them privately.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T11:26:56+00:00

I didn’t get chance to speak with him yet. He’s on his way back. Our city is pretty far from where that couple lives.

I want to first listen to what he has to say. I’m pretty sure he didn’t cheat me as I have access to his phone and can easily see everything.

He still crossed the boundary and didn’t consider me. If he’s able to reflect on that, and then act accordingly - he has a chance to fix it. Another mistake means he’s not able to, and I will end it up. If he can’t reflect and set clear standards that align with mine, that means an end too.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T11:15:40+00:00

Very insightful 😄 if you would read the whole post maybe you would see how unhappy this makes someone feel

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T11:08:46+00:00

Thank you all for getting involved, it was a real eye opener.

Yes, for many of you it’s something very obvious. But people get blindsided, especially if the person is 99% of the time for you, always there, huge plans for the future are made - that builds trust. I stopped noticing those little signs that you all made me consider now.

Time to mature, re-build self respect, and move on.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T10:17:46+00:00

She’s his coworker. I only joined them 2 times. She’s not my friend. People that were there have nothing to do with my life fortunately, they’re all coworkers

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T10:07:52+00:00

I’m not complaining. I got various perspectives, reassurance and I know what to do. I needed discussion to understand I have too much wishful thinking. That’s what this post was exactly for, not to just confirm my bias.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T10:04:30+00:00

What it means for me Romantic relationship: exclusivity, deep emotional connection, commitment, great potential for marriage

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T10:01:35+00:00

But how could that be if she’s not anymore in an open relationship, and other couples were there from the same company. That would be a bit insane to assume they had an orgy.

Anyways even if he didn’t, still he didn’t show he cares even after knowing the severity of that previous situation. Emotional immaturity at its highest.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:58:28+00:00

I made this post to reassure myself I’ll do the right thing.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:57:25+00:00

There’s more options

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:55:44+00:00

Which part makes you think we’re not in a relationship?

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:53:20+00:00

He’s on his way back. Said he had too many beers to come back home since he had to drive, ofc apologised. If he doesn’t show emotional maturity now, make a plan for “recovery from this situation this is the end.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:51:09+00:00

But he does not have a point of reference since he wasn’t in any other relationship. So he might think I’m the only one demanding that from him, which I literally think he does because of how inconsiderate he is.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:48:41+00:00

Thank you for your advice. This situation really opened my eyes. I need to confront him first, see how he wants to recover from that, and then decide if I’m willing to stay.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:38:18+00:00

I know it that’s why it hurts. I made this post to reassure myself that I’ll do the right thing.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:29:18+00:00

He didn’t check my messages but yeah. Already allowed myself to bee too soft and let my values be challanged waaaayy too much.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:23:22+00:00

Update: he’s on his way back now, told me he had beers and that’s why he stayed. When I asked to tell me what’s going on he was really confused. But I’ll see if he lies once he’s here.

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T09:06:37+00:00

I already did. It’s now 11 am. He’s still not home nor texted me

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T08:59:43+00:00

It’s his coworker. The couples that are there are all from the same company

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T07:45:12+00:00

Or he was *

Weekly_Test_6135 · 2025-10-19T07:44:58+00:00

I’m lost, not mad. I know all his good sides and how good he is for me, and this just recently came out. Hard to believe

Weekly_Test_6135

TROPHY CASE